Nice G... you sound in good spirits today! Awesome on the CrossFit..... I think exercise always helps! I’m sure you will meet interesting folks there. I was thinking of joining just to meet people, but cross fit isn’t exactly my type of exercise. I like to the hit the weights in a focused manner.
Oh.... interesting excuse from HC. It might be the sisnter nature in me but I never believe anyone’s excuse. I don’t dwell on it either though. Either they come or don’t.
Bragging Alert******* in a years time, I had 2 surgeries, advanced my degree, got a new job, and will have bought a house. All on my own. That is pretty darn impressive. If my only failure is in the area of dating, well, then so be it, as this stuff is so much more important. I kick butt and if no guy can see the value in that, they aren't worthy of me.
THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS RIGHT HERE is what I'm talking about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is NOT bragging, lady. You need to OWN THIS! You are amazing and it is about time YOU see that. Who gives a d@mn if anyone else does or not, because sister, WE ALL SEE IT, but YOU need to see it. And, not only do you need to see it, but you need to BELIEVE it. I tell you all the time, you got this. And, you do!
I'm so excited for you that the house thing is going your way and that you enjoyed your crossfit experience and seem to have goals related to that. I'm thrilled beyond belief that you recognize your own awesomeness.
Let go of the past and look toward the future. Honey, your future is SO bright and hopefully you are really, truly starting to see your value. Don't just say you know you are worthy because it is what we want to hear, BELIEVE that you are worthy. You do not need a man to validate your worthiness.
If I may offer one more thing that many may disagree with...let go of HC. Really let go. Stop inviting, accepting invitations, whatever. He's gone and you need to move on. Don't keep stepping back in. You say that you are too accommodating and you seem to realize that, so stop doing it. Yes, I know, easier said than done. I totally get it. Been there, done that, got the ugly scars and nasty emotional memories to prove it, but lady, you are SO much better and more deserving. He's NOT going to magically transform into what you want him to just because you are there, hanging out, in his face, waiting around for him to change. You aren't saying that is what you are doing, but I've played this game myself too many times to not recognize it. You think if you leave that door open just enough that he'll stroll back through it a changed man and realize what was right in front of him. The men on this board have said many times, men don't pick up subtle hints, for the most part (of course, I'd argue that women don't really either, when men toss them out, but whatever.............). He's not the one, G. He's just not. And, you know what, you DESERVE to find the one that does exactly what you described in your post....accommodates you, goes out of his way for you, puts you first. Please hold out for that and don't settle.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Congrats G! That is awesome!! As far as HC goes I think you need to stay true to your values. You want a R and he does not have the capacity to give you one. IMO end of story.
I know you enjoyed the sex but I don't think you could do it without getting emotionally sucked back in or doing it with no expectations.
My PMA is much better today, things are beginning to look a lot brighter and some of the unknown becoming less is helping my anxiety a bit. I think the exercise and commitment to something has done well for me too. I am feeling like my old self before my injury. That injury knocked me for a loop when my main way of self-medicating was exercise. Being able to do most of what I used to has helped.
I agree, HC is not the one. I don't even know what it is. I don't miss him, don't really care one way or not if I see him and I know he is for sure not the one for me. I am not interested in him as an R. I think he would be way too high maintenance too. I am going to forget him. I really just thought it would fun to have another friend who I can get out of the house with. I consider myself as having zero men in my life now. I am not entertaining anyone, nor have I even been looking. It's not the right time for me.
My PMA got a little deflated this morning. My job. I keep moving from one mess to another. Something very fishy is going on here. There are definitely spy's planted from the company taking us over, people are trying to do my job who do not. I got a work email this morning which I know was orchestrated by someone I cannot stand which was telling me how to do my job, which I already was doing. The Dr. I work with got very p!ssed at this email and told me I was way too nice in response. He stood up for me and for us, because it was something we have been working on.
Then my counterpart who has been here forever knows something bad is happening. She told me when she hired me I was the only one she interviewed and she hired me because I would take the job and there was no point in interviewing anyone else to come into this horrible mess. she said she wanted to tell me in the interview what kind of situation there was here but she couldn't. I didn't even get my job on my merit. I got sucked in because I was the only fool into a bad situation.
I will take away a positive though. I finally broke into case management, even if it was under false pretenses. I am learning, and I am opening up to more opportunity. I may have been duped, set up to fail and knowingly been put into a bad situation, but I will make the best of it. My colleague, the one who hired me, is feeling bad because now she knows I am a single mother buying a house and is telling me everything is going on and I need to leave when my 6 months are up. I am going to put in for a transfer at the end of Oct. I made connections at the main hospital. The social worker I made friends with said she will help me get in.
I could really write a book. It's stuff that I can't make up. But I truly hope in the end, my book would have a happy ending.
G - If you can view him as a friend only with no expectations then I understand your thought process. Could you really do this? Would you be able make your boundaries clear to him or would you always want something more? If you both went out and too many drinks would you be able to resist?
G - If you can view him as a friend only with no expectations then I understand your thought process. Could you really do this? Would you be able make your boundaries clear to him or would you always want something more? If you both went out and too many drinks would you be able to resist?
I think that's why I am sort of anxious to see if we could go out and get drinks simply as friends and not do anything else. Truth is, we enjoy the same things, we are both extroverts, and divorcees can really use a friend to hang out with on kid-less nights. In my mind I am currently turned off by him that way, so I think I would be fine, but I guess I am anxious to see if we could truly turn off the sexual part with a few drinks in us. I am a touchy feely type person normally, worse when I have been drinking, so I don't know, honestly. However, really, for me to enjoy sex, there has to be some emotion attached, I have no romantic feelings towards him anymore, and I know he is completely emotionally detached, so I don't think anything would happen. But I truly only have one way of finding out, because I can admit to not being sure.
Thank you! I am bored at work today and anxiously awaiting to hear I am out of attorney review. I am getting super nervous because I have to hire contractors, supervise the work being done and move without much help. I will have some basic help from people, but I am handling big things I don't know much about. I hope I can handle it all and I don't mess it up. I will be taking a week off of work for the renos moving and closing. My D10's BFF mom (whos backyard I'll be living in) said her BIL is a contractor and she will hook me up. So that's great. We said we are going to build a ladder to connect the houses, haha. The gym was great last night, it's fun learning the new moves. I hurt so bad, but its a good pain. Now if I can stop the crappy inconsistent eating, maybe I would get somewhere. I kind of sacrifice dinner time for the gym, so I eat weird stuff like a random vegetable and an egg. Then I get hungry and have a few chips.
On a different note, kind of a journal. So, my dad and his wife are away with his cousin and wife, and my cousin and her H. in AC at a new posh hotel for a few days which is why I am watching the dog. This is the fake cousin I can't stand. She is pretentious and filthy rich, and it makes me nuts. She is my age, drop dead gorgeous, always been privileged, always screwed up in life, daddy always bailed her out, she met a rich guy and is a SAHM in a mansion with money not being an object at all. Anyways. She was posting pictures of their adventures on FB. jealousy came out. And some resentment. No one invited me. And I know why. Because I am not the other half of a couple. If I was married, I would have been invited. (I also don't have that kind of money for the way these people hang). It stinks watching them all sit by the pool with their fancy drinks, expensive dinners, while I am here watching the dog. WTF? The dog, who by the way, decided to take a crap on the neighbors front door mat and pee on my rug. This morning was fun, lol. My dad isn't on FB, but knew I saw the pictures and tried to say something. I just sent him a picture of his dog. I will admit to some jealousy and resentment. I know, I sound like a spoiled brat. I just remember when it was my dad and stepmom and me and the ex doing these things. We would take the AC trips, go to concerts together, ect. Now I am the odd one out.
Anyways, good things on the horizon. Although I am so exhausted even though I am sleeping. It's got to be an emotional exhaustion. Gym tonight, I have D10 because her dad has plans, and we are going to chill with some Chinese takeout. Then she is with him all next week because he has off of work. She started to freak a little that she would miss me, but I told her one night I would pick her up from cheer practice, we would go for icecream, and I would drive her back to her dads. She feels better now.
