G - I would only suggest that maybe you do a better job of vetting your potential candidates. While I am only familiar with HC and BA I think you had concerns about them from the start.....red flags.
On the topic of sex......ultimately it is your decision. If I pressed the issue with BL she probably would have caved on Sunday but to me that was not right nor being a gentleman. The right guy will respect you, respect himself, and IMO be able to restrain himself until the time is right. It was hard as h$ll to walk out that door but for me restraining was holding true to my value as a man.
I can't being to tell you all much I appreciate all the hugs. I just keep feeling so defeated and defective.
I agree, move slower. If I am going to move again. A large part of me says give up on this quest for love. It's failed miserable for 38 years of my life. My ex husband/father of my child didn't even love me. I have been left nothing but hurt.
Dawn, I read your post over and over and I cried. I can see you really understand where I am coming from. This guy told me, I am amazing, unique, giving, a great mother, person, generous and a hard worker, he gets along with me better than his beloved exW and we make a great team and click on so many levels. But SOMETHING doesn't feel right for a LTR? I am baffled, unless he was just BSing me with everything else. Maybe he does need someone more traditional. I think he might need that damsel in distress kind of woman. He also told me some weird things along the line. Like before he met his exW he thought he would only marry someone who was a music teacher, and something else, I can't remember. he said she didn't check his boxes, but she asked out (dating site) and they married. The long term GF had what he wanted, but had issues. I know I am being so hard on myself, but it seems like it's something wrong with me. because this is kind of repeated, but maybe it is that I keep meeting these kinds of guys. he seemed so right one paper.
The truth is, part of me would like to go a little more traditional. It's never been an option for me. Can't do that when you are raising a child alone. I actually really wish I could be with the kind of guy who wants to take care of me, even though I can take care of myself. Maybe that's why I go for these types?
Dawn, I think one of the toughest parts is when you get to a place knowing that you are indeed a catch but the people you want to be with, don't. It messes up the hard work in your head, though. All this DB work for so many years and I think I have made myself into a good, love partner. For the long haul.
I am just rambling now. I am just so sad. This rejection hurt. Another season I am going into alone. As usual, I will GAL to the best of my ability, focus on this house business (which I should get a call about any min) D10's school year, her cheerleading (I hate weekend games. every season I hope I can bring a special someone who can come watch with me as I sit with the ex and OW) And my health and fitness.
This week there is a young social worker from the hospital covering the b!tch one that I hate and is on vacation. She is awesome, we clicked right away and she has been fun to work with. I realize this environment isn't the right one for me either. I need to be around younger people and lots of them. I sit in my office here..... see my patient's..... that's about it. She told me to come on over to the main hospital...... something I might consider when I put my 6 months in here and I can transfer again.
I just don't want to feel alone and in pain anymore, ya know? I pray something just simply works out.
Thanks all for the support and the listening to my rambling, because I am a mess.
Dawn, I read your post over and over and I cried. I can see you really understand where I am coming from. This guy told me, I am amazing, unique, giving, a great mother, person, generous and a hard worker, he gets along with me better than his beloved exW and we make a great team and click on so many levels. But SOMETHING doesn't feel right for a LTR? I am baffled, unless he was just BSing me with everything else. Maybe he does need someone more traditional. I think he might need that damsel in distress kind of woman. He also told me some weird things along the line. Like before he met his exW he thought he would only marry someone who was a music teacher, and something else, I can't remember. he said she didn't check his boxes, but she asked out (dating site) and they married. The long term GF had what he wanted, but had issues. I know I am being so hard on myself, but it seems like it's something wrong with me. because this is kind of repeated, but maybe it is that I keep meeting these kinds of guys. he seemed so right one paper.
The truth is, part of me would like to go a little more traditional. It's never been an option for me. Can't do that when you are raising a child alone. I actually really wish I could be with the kind of guy who wants to take care of me, even though I can take care of myself. Maybe that's why I go for these types?
Dawn, I think one of the toughest parts is when you get to a place knowing that you are indeed a catch but the people you want to be with, don't. It messes up the hard work in your head, though. All this DB work for so many years and I think I have made myself into a good, love partner. For the long haul.
((((((((((((((((((((G))))))))))))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry. I absolutely did not mean to make you cry. I was truly just trying to let you know you are not alone. I so wish we could have a personal conversation so this didn't seem so totally impersonal, but I really, honestly, truly understand where you are coming from down to the depths of my soul. In every aspect, I totally and completely get it. I think in a lot of ways our lives and experiences parallel each other. I married older than you did, but when I did marry, I settled and as is typical, settling never ultimately works out. Forgive me for talking about myself here, but I'm trying to let you know that I really and truly do understand. My XH checked some but not all boxes and I have only met one person in my life that checks all of my boxes.
I even get what you mean about wanting to go more traditional. I have always been super independent and handled my own stuff. I even told my XH on more than one occasion that I was sometimes rather selfish because I had always had to take care of myself. I have never truly had a relationship where I was taken care of. And, even with XH, though he tried to take care of me in the beginning, his string of bad health issues left me in the caretaker seat yet again. Even now, with Sparky, I find myself always being the one who does the little things for him. But I digress. I really do totally understand where you are coming from and the pain you are experiencing.
I even understand what you mean about knowing you're a catch but people you want to be with don't and then it screws with you. I could tell you a really long story here and hopefully some day we will get the chance to have a private conversation so I can share a story with you that will illustrate my complete understanding of all of this. I am a little older than you, so I think the difference for me is that I have the advantage of that whole age = wisdom thing going for me. I also have developed an "I really don't give a sh!t" attitude when it comes to men. I am honestly a pretty introverted person by nature so I'm ok with alone. Would I like to be married again? Some days I think yes and some days I think not just no, but H3LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL no. Again, sorry for talking about me, but I'm really working hard to give you some hope here. I feel so bad for you and where you are right now but I KNOW for a fact it gets better because I have lived through it. My heart breaks for you that you are feeling so broken and defeated but I have been there and I know the pain it brings. My hope for you is that you find your way soon and realize that there is "life out there". Hang in there, sweet lady. I assure you things WILL get better.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Dawn, you did not make me cry! I cried because sometimes people just don't really understand how you are feeling, and you actually understand exactly why I feel as I do. And I am sorry you ever have to feel this way too. I'm glad you talked about you, because I can relate. I've lived my life the same way. My ex was a douche who controlled things, but he wanted me to do all the work. I am always the ones to do the little things in R's. I would love for someone to do the little things for me. To make some decisions and take control. Because I am strong, independent, and oh so tired. My soul is tired.
This one threw me for a loop. And I feel kind of scarred by him telling me "something doesn't feel right for a LTR"
I think I would rather him tell me everything about me that isn't right for one, than list everything about me that makes a good one. I feel like being a mean B who uses people, because if I can be who I am and still not be material, might as well deserve the honor of mot being LTR material.
I've ruminated about that too much. I should stop that now.
I hope for the right guy, the good stuff about me will be stuff he is excited for everyday. That he sees me as great for the long run.
I wish we could talk, Dawn. some people know where to find me.
I can't express how much it means to me you understanding where I am coming from and my pain.
The pain is real. It's almost physical. I hope it does get better.
I am going to have some answers on the house around 5pm. I need some good news.
You are truly a good person. I've learned a lot about who you are from here and also on FB. I may be wrong, but I thik you try to darn hard to be a people pleaser and in the end, the people you are trying to please end up saying/doing things that cause you pain and hurt. It's time for Ginger to think of herself and do the things that will please Ginger the most.
I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that you get some answers on the house. It's time Ginger got some good news. Think positive!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You are truly a good person. I've learned a lot about who you are from here and also on FB. I may be wrong, but I thik you try to darn hard to be a people pleaser and in the end, the people you are trying to please end up saying/doing things that cause you pain and hurt. It's time for Ginger to think of herself and do the things that will please Ginger the most.
I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that you get some answers on the house. It's time Ginger got some good news. Think positive!
That means so much Job. And you are 100% right. I am a big time people pleaser. It comes from trying to get my mom to pay attention to me and a an ex-husband who I could never be good enough for. Working on it, I really am.
As I told Don last night. I am seriously tapped out. I have nothing to give right now. What I have is reserved for my child, really. And maybe me a little bit. I am so sick of not being good enough for anyone. It is making me exhausted and not able to give.
I have replayed about a million times in my head everything with BG. I know when someone isn't in to me emotionally. EX: HC. not into me emotionally at all. But BG definitely was. Something with me not being right for long term really ahs to do with something in him.
Anyways. first, my friend and I had our intro crossfit class and it was awesome. My knee was doing great with squats, the owner/instructor is awesome and so friendly. I have a feeling I will definitely make new friends at this place. Cute guys definitely, as we left, my friend said "you might want to hold off on the OLD and see what this place has to offer you" Although I have nothing to give anyone for a while, maybe, you never know.
Onto the big news. They counter-offered, we counter offered and they accepted! I AM UNDER CONTRACT AGAIN!! Let's pray this is a smooth process! The hiccup is, the only help I have with moving and stuff will be in Europe with week I move and close (my dad and stempm) and I am supposed to be watching their dog while I am in between two home. Nothing goes without a challenge. But I will handle it all. The contractors, the movers, everything.
I may actually own a HOUSE. I can't believe it. I hope it all works out this time.
For years, I had hoped my knight in shining armour would come along, we would move in together and blend our families. I always had not wanted to buy hoping this would happen. It never did. So now it's time to take the bull by the horns and make a life for us. Me, D10, and our new dog. Because she is obsessed with getting a dog. It is what our family needs, no doubt.
Buying a house on my own is the one thing I didn't think I would accomplish as a parent without a partner. But I am hopefully going to . I'm proud of me.
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Congrats on the new house. Such exciting news. Focus on that for awhile and get your and D10 settled into your new home and new life. It is a fresh start for both of you and a much-needed respite from all the crap that has been heaped on you lately. I'm beyond thrilled for you.
Be your own knight in shining armor, lady.....you don't need a man, you got this!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I am so happy that they accepted your offer. Once you are given the green light, line up some of those friends from the gym and other activities and it won't take no time to get you moved. Don't by shy...ask people to help. Have some food and drinks on hand and the help will come right along. You can do this!
Keeping my fingers crossed that everything will go as planned and you will be in your new home in no time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank everyone! I am so incredibly excited, but I am trying to tamp down my excitement a bit because we all know if the odds of it going wrong are slim to none, it will go wrong for me. I am feeling hopeful on this one and we hope to quickly get out of attorney review tomorrow and roll this ball as fast we can. D10 was too excited and told her bestie she was going to be living in her backyard, hahaha!
Bragging Alert******* in a years time, I had 2 surgeries, advanced my degree, got a new job, and will have bought a house. All on my own. That is pretty darn impressive. If my only failure is in the area of dating, well, then so be it, as this stuff is so much more important. I kick butt and if no guy can see the value in that, they aren't worthy of me.
I finally had an epiphany last night. HC and I have been inviting eachother back and forth out for drinks and either he had work or I had plans. Last night I was going out with my friends when he said he was getting home earlier from the city than he anticipated and he wanted to take me up on my offer. I talked to my friend about it and she said invite him out with us, but don't go running to him later. I was ready to see him after. Why?!? I am so freakin' accommodating to every guy in my life (actually everyone in general, but I know who is equally accommodating) and I come off looking like a real tool. He was actually going to come meet us, but when he got home he said there was a leak in his apartment and his rug was soaked. So I believe him? I dunno.
I have to be done with this. I have to stop being so available and accommodating. It really makes me look like a desperate backhole (yesterday I heard the new terms fronthole and backhole, so now I am using them). Someone for once can accommodate me and really make an effort for me if they are that interested. I am just so done with this. I need to find my lady balls and stop this crap.
In other news, I am absolutely loving crossfit, although I am so sore I can barely walk. But what a great workout and great place and great people. So much fun. I always thought it was the least safe workout, but it is actually the most safe as long as you aren't stupid. It emphasizes form, which is most important for preventing injuries. I look forward to dropping some body fat, beating personal records and getting some definition. I feel like I am working towards something again. I want to be a strong, healthy, hottie with a body. I look forward to some of their outside fitness events along with their potluck at the end of September. Can't wait to meet the other guys that attend, ya know what I mean?
