Hi Ready. Thanks for reading my sitch. If you had asked me this question a month ago I would have said, get MC, save M, save family. Today I think it is reinstate normal communications, protect my and kids interests and make this process as painless as possible.
I just seem to annoy W so much, even without doing anything. So much deep rooted anger.
Sorry uk82, I know the news probably came as a bit of a shock even if you expected it. Feeling calm is a normal reaction, one of the stages of grief is shock and gives us time to process things and not become overwhelmed. We tend to cycle through these stages many times.
Sending you good thoughts today, hope you are doing well and finding something to bring joy in your life.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Thanks for the continued support Fogg. Feeling better today. Relaxed. I deserve better than this. W is driven by anger. I realise and accept that I have done nothing to deserve this magnitude of vitriol and disrespect. This is her problem. And I accept that I cannot influence this outcome. Protection and look out for the kids at the moment. I am going to decorate D bedroom this weekend so that she had a nice new room, calm, organised, before they go back to school in a few weeks. And S can get him room back. Calmness. Peace. That is what I am going to offer them. And in between I’m going out with some pals and visiting family.
An update. The nastiness is increasing and I have lost my cool a few times. W ignoring me and speaking to others as if I’m not there. “I love the house but I need a new partner”. Booking up her social schedule so I cannot go out unless I get babysitters. Changing her plans on purpose. “Go f*** yourself” when a parenting plan was mentioned and I said I didn’t want to be the one doing it as I was against this whole thing. Then this morning found our wedding photos etc in the skip with the building waste. How can someone be so evil and hurtful to their spouse and the father of their children? Spoke with a L and basically said it’s going to take ages, be very acrimonious and expensive. I wonder what joys she has in store for me this evening? I think I’m through.
remember this: when you react emotionally and let her piss you off, she knows she still has control over you. Take back your power and be who you want to be, not who she wants you to be.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Thanks ovrrnbw. I appreciate that, I’m trying that and I’m getting better at it. I’ve been doing some internal checking and exploring my feelings. I think I’m not emotionally up to speed yet. Why? Because W has not allowed me the opportunity to understand or heal. The differing reasons, the hate, the deliberate antagonising, mind games. I’m finding it hard as I’ve done nothing wrong essentially. I believe that she too is still emotionally tied but hers is expressed in negative emotions, trying to inflict pain, suffering and ‘winning’ at all costs to get one over on me.
When she brought up D again, I was calmly explaining some of the processes and facts and she was so irate, calling me a know it all and high and mighty. This pent up anger is very frightening.
Sounds like she's still looking for excuses to help make her guilt go away to make it easier on herself to justify her decisions... which means she isn't 100% sure she's doing the right thing. Every single time you lose your cool it justifies her decisions.
Therefore you MUST stay very calm and cool. You may need to be ultra-disciplined with self-control beyond anything you knew possible to be able to do it. Whatever happens, that better self-control will do you good in the future.
Visit your Dr asap and see if they suggest anti-anxiety pills. If so then have one before you know you will see W.
Get new clothes that flatter you, smart new shoes, new aftershave and spend on a great hair-cut by the best person you can find. Look smart and your best whenever you see W. It will help your self-confidence. You will feel better and W will notice a positive change.
