He's a sweet little booger, but he sure fouls-up my sleep.
Get used to it. I'm currently fighting with one of my black "kittens
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Who just pressed the "post" button. Her (also black) sister will paw at S24's door at about 3:00am until she gets cuddles.
They win.
Oh - and cat paws work just fine on touch-screens.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Your kittens/cats like to be w/you and yes, they are up at all hours and get lonely and cold, so they come see their guardians for attention and warmth. My black cat does the same thing. So, we are all dealing with kitties wanting up at early hours! LOL!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
What a storm there was last night. I had a post almost done, then lost the cell service, then lost the provider for internet and no wifi. Holy smokes, the kids almost died! An evening with out being connected. Lol
Anyhow, I am back to the modern age again.
I am glad you appreciate my viewpoint as much as I appreciate your’s. Also glad you and I are friends that can have these conversations.
I am sorry about the “Ooof!”, I am not trying to be mean, or cruel, or too meddling.
You are further down the path towards dating, you having chosen to date while I have not.
I have read all your posts on all 23 of your threads, plus many of your other comments - over the last while you sound different, in a good way. You are confident. Looks good on you.
Anyhow, thanks for sharing where your head and heart are at.
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
So I've been giving some thought to the moving parts that are the lives of AndrewP and CL.
I think that a bit more of Don Quixote lives within me still than perhaps I thought. I was disturbed that I might have turned into Alonso more than I was comfortable with but I think I've got a balance going.
CL is going through a very tough time right now. I still hear from her once or twice a day, and make an effort to send her a "good morning" daily - which she seems to appreciate. I did let her know last night after her brief message about a particularly crappy day that I had been presuming that she wasn't up to having another date right now.
I realized last night though that I have added CL to the list of people that I feel a Duty towards. I have told her that I would be there for her and believe that she has been / is trusting me in that. Not "there" in a romantic sense necessarily, just there as a friend. Yes, it's somewhat frustrating to me that things appear to be completely stalled and that's where DnJ I appreciated your little vignette about your friend and his divorcing girlfriend. Having accepted this duty I need to honour it within reasonable bounds.
The stuff she's going through is very likely going to take some time. I need to make sure she has that time without distractions from me. It means that while I don't step away, I stay where I am - available but not intrusive. If afterwards, or during, she wants to spend time with me than that would be fabulous even though that time will probably be her venting about her problems.
To me, it's kind of like the old lighthouse metaphor and how it is used here. One comment on that which I found funny was the idea that the lighthouse shouldn't be chasing all around the island looking for ships to rescue. I am perhaps a lighthouse for her and perhaps for others. It is my duty to be boring and predictable / reliable and consistent in case they need shelter. While they are still battling the waves, it's not my place to be there.
While I was thinking about this metaphor early this morning, I recalled a time I was out on my 12' "MiniCup" board boat in the outer harbour in Toronto some years ago. I decided to venture in to the inner harbour which meant going across the channel between. As I ventured into the channel, the wind changed direction and strength abruptly like it will in those circumstances and the waves became quite unpredictable. Once across the channel, the conditions were still too much for my tiny boat and my skill levels so, I turned around for the safety of the protected harbour. I didn't look for nor want rescue while I was out there. I was able to deal with it. But I was also glad that there were no passengers nor distractions while I focused on what could have been a very dangerous set of circumstances.
Oh - and while I was writing this, someone sent me a note that my ex and OM are taking a trailer down to Virginia to see her daughter and her H. That's going to be stressful and awkward for all I expect. But it is good that she's finally making an effort after several years to go there.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Your metaphoric account of your passage across the channel is one of your best.
Indeed, people may be in some turbulent times and need to be given the time and space to steer their boat to safety. Being that lighthouse, providing them a heading amidst the distractions of the wind and waves.
I too like statement “lighthouses shouldn’t be chasing all around the island looking for ships to rescue”. It is true with just right amount of humour to make it palatable.
I was surprised to read that ex and OM are going down to see D26 and her H. I agree with you, stressful and ackward for all involved. Well not your monkeys and not your circus.
Hope you have a wonderful Sunday
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
I had a fabulous day yesterday. I've been joking lately that even though I don't believe in Fate it is possible that Fate believes in me
Late Friday night I used my phone to check my lottery tickets which is something I rarely buy. One indicated that I had won $5 and the other oddly said "contact retailer". Even though I worked on keeping my expectations down, I did think it quite neat that I might have won a big prize. It certainly would be life-changing (I didn't the ticket was a dud). But still neat to think about.
Things just seemed to fall in to place for me yesterday. While waiting for my haircut I was chatting to the barber and happened to mention that I was having a hard time finding a duck to roast up for my Thanksgiving dinner. The guy in the chair happened to work for a local grocery store that I rarely go to and told me exactly where in his shop the frozen ducks were. I had planned to go there anyway for a particular sauce that S24 had put on the list
After that I popped out to the farm to borrow the pole trimmer from my youngest brother to trim my apple tree. I had a nice visit with him, his wife and my 2 year old nephew. It seems that they get few visitors now that they have a small one. We walked around the foundation of the house he's building and I was very impressed. It is very well thought out and well designed. It's huge (and costing him a lot) and sits on the crest of the hill overlooking the river valley. They've been living in a renovated driving shed for quite few years as the old farm-house is largely uninhabitable. They hope to move in to the new house by spring but the walls and roof should be up in the next week or so. While there, they gifted me with quite a bit of produce from their garden. Things that as Fate would have it, were on my grocery list. I also got a jar of home-made tomato soup (also on my list) which I had some of for my dinner.
While there I did mention that I had some dates with CL. My SIL's jaw literally dropped and she got incredibly excited and started having ideas for all sorts of plans. I had to slow her down. She did comment that I was "glowing".
My SIL's mother has regular interaction with my ex at the store where my ex works. For quite some time my ex has tried extra hard to be "buddies" with her and it seems the information I eventually get is handed unsolicited across including her current trip via trailer to see her daughter. I also heard that my ex might have been down there in April as well. Thinking about it, the odds are actually higher that she's with her brother and his wife. They have a trailer and would be on their way to their Florida house at this time of the year. No clue. None of my business.
My SIL did mention that she fully expects my ex to circle around back to me "any day now". I don't know if that would happen. The odds probably go up if she finds out that I'm now dating.
I did notice via the Life360 app we use that my daughter and her H did go out to the KOA campground in Virginia Beach a few times and saw some snap-chats my daughter posted of a local landmark. Certainly far fewer postings than when I visit and unlike me, my ex is completely silent on social media about her visit. Again though, none of my business. I do hope that they have a pretty good visit. I think I'm well past the point of being jealous of any interactions my ex may have with the kids.
The rest of the day went well. My salesman at the car dealership had the spare bluetooth adapter there to replace my broken one, S24 was up and about and helped put the groceries away. Little things, but the day went pretty smoothly.
At the flower shop, the lady's first words were as expected "you're late". Slightly weird interaction there as after she gave me my roses she stood there as if she was expecting to have a longer conversation. We did chat a bit. She's always had a number of health problems so I heard about a couple of those that are currently bothering her. I actually wasn't feeling very chatty as I was way behind schedule and had a lot of things on my list. I get the feeling that she's getting pretty impatient about me not asking her out. But then again, I could be completely wrong. She complained too that since she's quit smoking that she's put on weight. I told her that I thought she still looked great and she did.
I didn't hear from CL until the evening. I'd sent her a note in the morning and a shot of my new haircut (which I think looks pretty good). It seems that she and her kids are really struggling. This is a big weekend at their church and her STBX who historically was very active is now very absent. I can only dimly imagine what it must be like for them all. They're coming up soon on the one year mark since he left / got booted out. People who say that "kids are resilient" I think have no idea of the impact of marriage breakdowns. I don't know but I expect that this has been especially hard on them as teens especially when their Dad monsters at them.
Reading the note from CL made me glad in some ways that despite my wishes to the contrary that I'm not embedded in their lives. That would only be an added complication to what they are dealing with. My plan is that other than the "good morning" which I've already sent is to be silent today. She's got a lot going on. She mentioned that in addition to the church events today that she's got a large family get-together in the evening.
I do wonder some times on if I'm taking the right direction with her. So far it seems to be working out OK despite the lack of smooches and dates. Part of me thinks that it might be best for me to cut her loose. Another part of me thinks that being here for her when she's having a rough time of things will help possibly form a basis for a trusting relationship in the future. I also want to be sure that I'm only being good for her and not causing other problems. Sigh - this is all far too complicated for my simple brain.
Well, time for me to get my day going. I have a lot on my list including sewing on suspender buttons to my new trousers and cooking my first ever butternut squash that my brother insisted I take. Youtube suggests that it will be "easy".
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Let me ask you an honest question. Do you think CL has anything to give to you right now? Think back to when you were in the thick of it..... did you have anything to give to a partner? She has young kids. Everything she has right now has to be given to them. And to herself. ANd you, my friend, have been through the thick of it. ANd should have a nice healthy relationship with a partner who can give to you.
Now is not the time to date CL. She is not capable of dating now. I would absolutely remain her friend as someone who understands what she has been through. But she can't date right now. I understand the sense of duty and I am the female version of a rescuer. But sometimes we need to break that cycle. Let her go through her stuff. You should be out there dating women who are in a healthy place to give to you and to receive from you. I am afraid she isn't. And I think you know that. You wouldn't be doing anything wrong. You would be doing the right thing. For you and for her.
I know she is the first person since your ex that you have had real feelings for. Those are the hardest to let go of. But you have to do what's hard for everyone's benefit.
Be a good friend. That's what she needs right now. And you can date others, it wouldn't be "cheating". or "dating multiple women" see wo is out there, who is ready to give to Andrew.
Andrew, I'm so late to the party, and confess I haven't entirely caught up, but I gather you're emotionally drawn to a woman who is in the thick of it. Listen to Ginger - remember what that time was like for you. Be a friend. Guard your heart.
Remember you deserve someone who will treat you the way you treat them. Doesn't seem like she's able to give right now.
What happened to flower lady? I liked her. Or the bank teller ??
xoxoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Yes - I agree that CL is certainly not at a place at present to have much in the way of a relationship which is one of the reasons why I'm not putting any pressure on her. The last time I saw her was a couple of weeks ago now and there was a big gap before that caused mainly by prior plans by both of us.
I'm not heavily emotionally invested in her at this point and I think she might be backing off a bit as well. She stopped interacting with my social media a bit over a week ago as well. I really have no way of knowing but certainly her message to me on Saturday indicated that she's very much in the middle of the storm. I do hope for her sake that things start sorting out / calming down. What her plans will be after that - there's no way to tell. She certainly knows how to find me. I'm not intending on asking anyone else out at present.
We'll see where things are by Christmas. Which is not all that too far off.
Originally Posted by bttrfly
What happened to flower lady? I liked her. Or the bank teller ??
I noticed that the bank teller (who left the bank some months ago) updated her Facebook profile picture to include a handsome man in the background. Presumably she's got a new guy. When she left the bank I did send her a "I'll miss you" message and got a customer-service polite response. Was my prior perception of her being interested in me wrong? No way to know.
With the lady at the flower shop I have some worries that she is quite a lot younger than I am. Yes, age is just a number, but my number is pretty big compared to what I presume her's is. She is quite sweet. It's hard to believe that her son is now 6. When I first met her he was 3. Where does the time go.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
An evening with out being connected. Lol