So...she's still making it a point to call or talk to me every day about S, which is nice. Last weekend I only got to see S Friday night (because of scheduling with her mother, we switched weekends, so I'm getting a couple of make up days this coming weekend).
The past few days, I've made it a point to still be polite, but a little more distant when talking to her. I don't want to give her the impression that I'm chasing at all, because I'm trying to avoid that.
Today, she texted me to see if I was on my lunch break, because her and S were at a trampoline park just a couple blocks from where I worked, and she asked if I wanted to come say hi. So I went to say hi to S. He, of course, was super busy jumping, so she noticed I was there first. She looked really happy to see me...not sure why. Heh. Either way, I got to see S for about 20 minutes or so, and that was great.
S stayed with me the last two nights. W hugged me when she dropped him off with me Friday. She stopped by Saturday to pick him up (he had a birthday party with some of her friends that have kids, I wasn't invited, and that's probably for the best) and while he was gone, I ran out and got him his other bday gift...a guitar and amp.
When she brought him back to my apartment, she hugged me again.
We had a great time playing music together this weekend. Even though he's turning 4 and doesn't know how to play...it was still a lot of fun.
Anyway, W mentioned that someone had told her that I seemed happy. I told her "the new job is going well, keeps me busy".
Since our meeting...she still hasn't gone a single day without texting or calling.
I dunno. I don't know what's happening. Probably nothing.
I got an interesting letter in the mail today. If we don't request a court date by the 7th of next month, the court is going to dismiss the divorce case...
Still doing DB.
Tomorrow, W and I are taking S to meet the teacher night. We were going to take him to a movie, since it's his bday, but gotta do the school thing. This weekend, I'm most likely keeping him Friday night.
She's definitely talking to me more and more. I don't know what's happening. But what I do know is on the 7th, if that gets dismissed, it would start the entire thing over again...which buys me more time. Which I'm okay with.
I kind of like the trend. But still going to just keep doing what I'm doing.
Yesterday she called me crying and asked me to meet her to talk. S was with her, so we met somewhere that he could play. She was freaking out because S starts school next week and her work schedule doesn't work with his school hours, and she wanted to see if I could pick him up several days each week...and she said she thought it would be best to move in together again.
I was kind of shocked. So I asked what she meant by that. She said she might be interested in working on getting back together. I told her that I would think about it, but I would expect her to be honest and not talk to certain people. She flipped out and said I was just being controlling, abusive, and manipulative. I stood my ground. Then she started telling me "this isn't how you get people to love you", and I said "I'm not trying to." Then she said she has no interest in being with me at all, and she made a mistake asking me that.
Yeah. This has nothing to do with my new job at all. lol
Today she called again. But she was a lot calmer. She wanted to let me know the days I needed to pick S up from school. I added the days to my calendar.
I dunno. This whole thing is just weird. I get it...she's kind of following the patterns from the DB book. I still don't know if it's working, but she hasn't cut off daily communication still.
Yeah this is confusing. Likely a moment of panic, and then as soon as you mentioned boundaries she ran the other way. But at least she knows now that she can't waltz in and out like that. Very good standing your ground. I am sure the temptation was to promise her whatever she wanted in order to make it happen. And you didn't give in. Well played.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I was kind of shocked. So I asked what she meant by that. She said she might be interested in working on getting back together.
Let's move back in together because I -might- be interested in working on things. Ummmm, NO.
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I told her that I would think about it, but I would expect her to be honest and not talk to certain people.
EXCELLENT RESPONSE!
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She flipped out and said I was just being controlling, abusive, and manipulative.
Whiny brat-like reaction.
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I stood my ground.
WELL DONE!
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Then she started telling me "this isn't how you get people to love you"
This is CLEAR manipulation to try and get you to do what she wants. Yet she accuses you of manipulation!?!?
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Then she said she has no interest in being with me at all, and she made a mistake asking me that.
So in other words this was all a ploy to make things more convenient for her, there was never any interest in reconciling. She needs to WORK to get you back and until she's willing to do that work there's really nothing to talk about.
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Today she called again. But she was a lot calmer. She wanted to let me know the days I needed to pick S up from school. I added the days to my calendar.
OK I don't know all the details of your sitch and maybe you can clarify, but it sounds to me like you're bailing her out of her problems. Sorry for not knowing more details of your sitch but do you have 50-50 custody? If so, you really shouldn't relieve her of her responsibilities on the weeks she has the kids. You need to be engaged in your own life and even if you don't need it right now, you're going to want those weeks to yourself later. ESPECIALLY after the above convo I would NOT have just caved and given her what she wanted. SHE wanted to S, SHE needs to assume her half of the responsibilities for that. She needs to make whatever arrangements she needs to and not just expect you to be her part-time husband, nanny and caregiver when it suits her.
