W cranking up pressure now with time with kids. Booking up her schrdule ‘one Week on, one week off’. I’m not comfortable with this. She also told the children about the situation while I was not there. It’s getting nasty as I knew it would. I do not want to agree or participate in a new pattern for the children. I want to keep things normal as possible. What do I do? I think I have no choice but to contact my lawyer.
It’s getting nasty as I knew it would. I do not want to agree or participate in a new pattern for the children. I want to keep things normal as possible. What do I do? I think I have no choice but to contact my lawyer.
Contacting your L would be fine, its always advisable to understand the law and your options. Unfortunately at some point a new pattern with the kids schedule will happen, that's beyond your control. You cant force W to stay in the M. Its a horrible feeling knowing basically half the time you had with your kids is being taken away from you, with little you can do to stop it. The alternative is going for more/full custody but in many situations that hurts the kids also. They need both parents in their life even if its a split time.
1 week on/1 week off tends to be a common schedule that happens, there are other time splits also and you will have to talk with her and both of you agree to one or a court will for you. A good sign is shes not trying to force you into being the weekend dad, many assume they are more qualified to care for the kids and since your the dad you aren't, don't accept that crap.
Now I can understand reading the above probably sets you in a panic and I know the emotions you are experiencing. We read a bunch in DB that gives us hope things will work but, we tend to gloss over the reality of the situation. She is moving toward divorce and you have to accept that is a very likely possibility. I just wanted to tell you things are going to work out either way. Life will be drastically different, things may not be how you wanted or expected them, but a new normal will emerge at some point.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Yes contact your lawyer. But you have to come to grips with the fact that she gets a say in all this, even when you don't agree. Ask yourself why are you bucking against it? Is it for the kids or is it for you? A new normal is coming, you being agreeable to that new normal is better for the kids than bickering about it.
This stuff is not easy. We all get that. But you have to accept that your old MR is dead and buried.
Always consult your lawyer, but understand what you can and cannot control.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks a Steve. I just think it is her general tone and demeanour towards me. Anyone would think that I slept with her mother and her sister at the same time. More likely she has / is the one doing the sleeping and she is the one calling all the shots. I just want her to go away, have her fancy life and leave me and the kids alone. We are just fine, always have been and always will be. Total lack of respect and total selfishness. I’m feeling like I’m really going to have to get really tough now.
Received this by email early this morning. I feel calm. Advice on next move please:
These are the grounds I will be submitting for divorce tomorrow. Should you have any objections please let me know by lunchtime today as the papers will be drawn up this afternoon.
Thanks
Controlling behaviour – I feel that the poor actions towards each other is due to a power struggle within the relationship and therefore even the smallest of tasks such as laundry, cooking and shopping become a battle and results in arguments Lack of respect – We are unable to communicate in a respectful manner, often talking to each other with little to no respect for each other and often in front of other friends and family members, which causes upset and embarrassment Lack of affection – Our marriage is run like a business partnership and not like a loving marriage. More time is spent organising, planning and discussing work or the future than any affection, love or kindness which results in loneliness I have fallen out of love with my spouse and have not shared the marital bed since March. I have also asked for a separation back in March and have been trying to amicably work towards the split, taking into consideration the children and each other’s feelings There is a lack of sympathy towards my illnesses which at times is frustrating and upsetting when all I need is support I had asked for a legal separation but was asked by my spouse to apply for a full divorce and the grounds be provided to him prior to submitting to the courts (Which has been done)
Recommend lovingly thanking her for the advance notice of the filing. I do not think she needed to do that so try to be positive. A good 180 perhaps. Then recommend saying you will respond after consulting your attorney. My 2 cents.
