JujuB, i don't want to highjack River's thread with a discussion of why Christians believe what they believe or do what they do. I love having that conversation but I don't think this is the place for it. I'll only say this -- that God can help you. And that I send you lots of love and am sorry that you, River and everyone else (including me!) here is hurting so much.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
I think I'm somewhat in agreement with you both. I don't believe it does any good to fight with an MLCer or bother trying to get them to see logic. All along, I have tried to achieve a kind of cordial even tone to my correspondence with him. I don't think we should be cruel or treat them badly, nor do I think we should be overly kind. MLCers should not be handled with kid gloves and treated as if they are simply unable to control what they do. They have choices and they choose to run and treat people terribly and they have to own those choices.
That said, I replied to his email finally by simply saying that I'm sure he can imagine that I'm just as heartbroken as he is but thanks for letting me know what's going on.
I didn't give him what I suspect he was seeking, which after a year of nc was both a little peek inside what my current life/health status is and a response filled with bitterness, blame and anger to enable him to keep justifying his unjustifiable behavior.
I think your reply was a good one. It was simple and to the point.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks. Of course I have second-guessed it to death, lol.
I do have some wonderful IRL support for my cancer, thankfully. I don't talk about H much though as no one really gets it if they've never gone through it themselves.
H put the dog to sleep two weeks after he sent me the email saying he would have to make the decision. He didn't tell me he had made the decision and after he did it, he put it on Facebook but didn't contact me. I found out when someone who knows us both sent me a condolence message. I was devastated.
The next day, I broke my stance of not initiating contact. I didn't say anything about how hurtful it was to find out on Facebook instead of being told by him. I just simply sent him a very short message asking if I could have the dog's collar or something to remember him by. He wrote back pretty quickly. And then wrote me a message every half hour until I responded. In his messages, he said I could have the collar or anything I wanted and said he didn't mean to announce it on Facebook without telling me but he hadn't been that emotional since his father died. (Not sure why he thinks that makes it acceptable.)
I replied and said I would just like to have the collar. I ignored all the other excuses and backpedaling. He asked for my address and I gave him the address of my brother, where I've been living since I got diagnosed with cancer in spring 2017. He wrote back and said he didn't realize I was still living with my brother.
Really? Clearly in the year that he spent not talking to me, he had convinced himself that everything was fine and I was off living my life perfectly well, not struggling with my health or finances at all. Unbelievable.
I wrote back and told him I was not living there by choice and was still in treatment. He replied and asked if I would tell him how it was going. (He never asked for an entire year and then asks me as if I've been the one withholding information from him.) Having waited a year for him to even ask, I was at a loss for words. I told him things aren't good right now, I had had testing all day and we had to stop treatment again.
He replied with a frownie face emoji and said "I'm sorry." I didn't reply. I figured that would be it but 45 minutes later he wrote, "Keep fighting!" I haven't heard from him since. It's been over a month and he never did mail me the dog's collar like he promised, and I wasn't really expecting him to follow through on that anyway. So sad as this interaction just made me see that it's been 3.5 years since BD and I don't see any progress whatsoever.
If you want the collar, send him a message to remind him that you've not received it. Crisis people have very, very short memory and attention spans.
I am so sorry about your pet.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well, I suppose on the bright side you now have contact information for him and can get the divorce going if you wish. Can't recall how long you've been married, but given your health, employment situation, etc., I can't believe he would not be required to pay you some support until you get on your feet.
I've always had an email address for him. He just NEVER responds. That's how he maintains complete control over the communication between us. He popped up after a year to tell me the dog was sick. Then he replied the day after the dog died, I presume because he got something out of it (talking to someone - me - who felt the same way about the dog as he did). Now he's vanished again. He claimed he has to go to the library to email me, which is why he never reads or responds. I call b.s. He's not in prison. He could check email on his phone or at work if he wanted to. He just can't be bothered.
