Letting go for my own inner peace

[Irish M]

Hi KML

I have said that so many times over the past 3 years to them.. I'm sure it will one day hit them as the truth.

Hi bttrfly

thank you for the D16 Bday wish. she had a great birthday. well 2 of them. One with my entire family and a second one with friends over. Bank has my girls back. they have been dealing with me and my XW for so long and when we starting o put this money aside it was set in stone. For education. So the bank knows that XW is off the chart.

DnJ

yes car shopping was fun. I would of went more sport or jeep but practical and economical it was. Red, so still a nice looking car.

Yes its crazy how much our MLC'r lose all moral values and common sense.

As for nothing will happen until Xmas.. i was wrong


received a second letter from her lawyer.

1 - Demanding the name of he hospital and doctor following D16.

2 - Reminded me that she as a mother can reach out to her daughters when and how many times she wants.
that it is not up to me if she does or not.

3 - That goes for my parents, this lawyer says that her client can email or call my parents when she wants to discuss the girls.

4 - That i am not to speak poorly about her husband .... WHAT. HUSBAND???
so she left OM1 in January 2018. Moved in with this guy and is married to him. Wasn't OM1 her soul mate in July 2017 and they got matching tattoos on their wrists to celebrate the date they met. crazy

ok back to the letter.

5- under no circumstances do i attempt to contact her myself.

well this was an easy one to respond to. Actually i got it yesterday. On D16 birthday. Sort of a theme there.
waited until just now to reply.

it went something like this :

Lawyer blah

D16 does not wish to share her medical doctor with your client. Under the provincial law after the age of 14 she is not required to do so. I have updated your client in the past and during the year and a half of tests and specialist. Your client has not once asked about her. I continued to update her and now with the restriction in place I will refrain from doing so.

as for communication with the girls . It is up to them to respond. If they feel it is too stressful they have requested that we get a restraining order in place.

as for my parents . I have included their emails in this correspondence. They are both well area of the situation and request that your client refrain from contacting them in the future. Not complying will result in a restraining order as well.



I did not comment on her husband. and I will not email her directly. Easy to do since both actions are not worth it..

this lawyer is really playing her for a fool and getting some nice fees out of her.

Sent it to mine and he sent me back a LOL .

The girls will find out that she is married and I feel that they will now want to close that door for good.

Now do I tell them or let it slide? They will find out and I know they will be devastated.


Irish

[roist]

You have been open and truthful all along with your girls.Stick to that.

Just say that he was referred to as her H. You don't know if it's true or any other details. Then let the cookies crumble.

From an independent observer with no emotional link, I don't see that as being any worse than the rest of the story. More of the same really. I would not say that it nails the coffin on her R with her Ds but yeah it won't. I still have hope that one day they Dr reconcile but as you said, she isn't at a place where that is possible.

I also noticed that she believes she is regularly reaching out and she sees you as blocking her. Both are true especially to her. To me you are not blocking her but acting as a buffer on behalf of your girls. When she realises that, then maybe a new pattern could emerge.

She does seem to have a bee in her bonnet at the moment. Curious.

Best wishes

[DnJ]

Irish - I thought for sure the Jeep would win out. Red is a great colour, I am sure D18 loves it.

A follow up letter from her L. Goodness she’s wound up, and again on a 16th Birthday. She sure has something for holidays and other special days - a not the good way.

Her husband, ya pretty big shock. As for the remainder of the letter and her demands, you handled that very well. Your reply very well done.

I advise telling your girls the truth. You always have, they are strong and they deserve to know. It is best if it comes from you. Besides you, parents, etc... don’t want to keep secrets from Ds.

I think your daughters are very strong, like their father, and will bounce back from this devastating news quickly.

The whole thing seems a little orchestrated on exwife’s part. A way and time to announce her husband? It was quiet for so long. I may be reading too much in to this, and it really doesn’t matter at the moment.

Just shake your head and keep doing what your doing.

Take care Irish

[Gordie]

I wrote a post and deleted it because I am reluctant to advise on this because

You always know what to say to your girls so go with your gut

If it were me I would say something for the same reason DNJ said no secrets

And who knows why all this activity now but it is clear to me you are handling it all as well as possible with no spinning

Crazy story about the woman on the lawn so so so not your circus

[SBJ]

Irish, I just caught up on the craziness. I pray that you find the right words to say to your girls. I know that you will, because you are that awesome of a dad. Just be honest with them...you are their rock.

I am also shocked that your daughter didn't just take your Jeep...mine daughter confiscated my Jeep, so I had to invest in a new car myself, and decided to go topless & sporty with this one.

Stand strong my brother...we are all praying for you and your family.

[AndrewP]

What I'm seeing is impression management aimed at her current amour and not at you.

"I'm a wonderful mother but Irish is a big stinky meany!"

Whether she actually married some guy or not is indeed not any of your concern. If you wanted to mention it to the girls you could say that you got a letter from her lawyer talking about some sort of husband or not. Yeah - it would be a bit of a kick but they've excluded her and her nonsense from their lives for a fairly long time now.

I am positive that they do believe their own press releases at least when there is impression management to be done.

It does always make me smile how lawyers are supposed to be scaring us.

[kml]

Irish - one good thing you have going for you should she ever take you to court over custody stuff (not likely since the girls are of age) - but you have it all documented here, including the girls' refusals and your attempts to soften their attitudes.

As for the "husband" - I give it a 50:50 chance of even being true. I doubt I would mention it if it isn't true - why cause additional hurt to your girls?

[bttrfly]

call me crazy but i think it's entirely possible she told this lawyer that she is married to OM2 and is in fact only living with him.

Everything she says is a lie, why wouldn't that also be a lie?

Well played Irish.

Just noticed Ellie's in agreement on that theory ...

Glad D16 had a great birthday.

I still say the girls and your folks should get the restraining order.

[job]

I think you've handled the situation quite nicely. You've been very upfront with your responses to the lawyer and now it is up to him to decide what he wants to do with the information. You've been more than forthcoming w/her over the years and kept her in loop where it concerns your daughter's health issue. She's not once put forth the effort to come to the house or arrange to speak them. She doesn't or can't admit that the girls are growing up and making decisions for themselves now. She can't accept the fact that they do not want anything to do w/her because of her own actions.

Yes, her lawyer is having a field day w/all of this...but he/she has to know that your xw is not all there when it comes to being rational about day to day life.

I think, at some point, you can casually mention what you've been told about the so called husband. That will put the final touches on the situation for your girls and they may shut the door completely for any type of relationship for a very, very long time, if ever.

[Irish M]

Hi Everyone

thanks so much for the birthday wishes of now D16 and D18
was a busy 10 days. Throw in my dads birthday and my older brother. NO MORE CAKE.. please.. no more.. ok ok.. only if it's ice cream cake. Way too hot here still, i could eat that all day.

Well, I did speak to D18 about her mother. She wants to be involved with everything and wants to know. D16 doesn't.
D18'd face did drop but a few minutes later she said " what is she thinking? Dad, is there no one in her circle seeing this crazy stuff and stopping her?"

I told her, most probably but put yourself in your moms shoes, she feels what she is doing is right. She won't listen to anyone. So even if someone said .. hey.. what the heck are you thinking.. she would just cut them out.

We both agreed to not share the wedding with D16. Respecting her wishes.

Last friday, I get a new letter from her lawyer.

Mr, Irish. this is the last time we ask that you share information about your D16. Her mother is upset that her role as a mother is put to the side. She should be involved in every aspect of her D16 health and life.

We give you until the 15th to share the hospital info of where and when the scan is happening and the name of her doctor that is following her.

Please remember , do not under any circumstances send this information directly to our client. We will forward it to her.


WHAT??? my god they are persistent.

I replied.

My lawyer will be in touch.

Do they not know the laws in this province. She is 16, not 5.
Her being concerned ? after a year and a half of no reaction to my updates on this.

My lawyer is drafting a letter reply. Stating that if either her lawyer of herself contact me or the girls we will file a law suit for harassment. These letters have to stop. It's clear manipulation.

My lawyer is now representing my D16. I brought her up to speed as she needed to write her mom a letter stating that she no longer wants to be contacted directly or through a 3rd party such as her grandparents or other family or friends parents.
That she, when ready will reach out to her mom on a healthy field.

So i also updated her about the wedding. She was shocked at first but said she expected her to marry the first guy so who cares, her problem. I'll never meet him or accept him.


So my lawyer will send this to her lawyer and close a huge door. XW has crossed the final finish line but in the wrong direction.

My lawyer will also advise her lawyer that he crossed a line and what they are trying to do is abusive and if continued will finish in a law suit as well.

with all that said. The girls hold the power in all this now. If ever they want to connect she isn't hard to find. Let's pray their mom finds a safe place in her life so this could happen. Until then.. let's all stay away.


D16 has a few tests to perform and we should get results from the last scan on the 15th. I have faith she is fine and will be for a long time. Her episodes have disappeared. No more fainting or losing vision. No more dizzy spells or headaches for quite some time. I am expecting great news.

i'll update you all on Wednesday :-) just don't tell my XW