Believe me I really was a right cow! I did have a word with D about the eggshells and told her that if he left because of her kids, I’d rather not have him here anyway.
Hmmm lifestyle choice? I don’t believe being gay is a choice........but I know what you mean. I think H had issues with it in the early days when S came out at 16 but he doesn’t have issues with it now.
In fact H made a point of telling me last year that he nearly came to blows with a guy he works with for cracking jokes about gays. He informed him that as his S is gay didn’t appreciate his humour. I think he wanted to show me that he had no problem with it.
He has three sons, so the chances are that one would be!
Things are moving steadily. He seems to be ‘bedding in’ more and not behaving like a visitor.
I’m mindful of not being like I used to be. I don’t ask him to do anything around the house or garden. I think, in a funny kind of way, he’s sending the message that he doesn’t want to.......and that’s ok. He will when he’s ready. For now I’m leaving him be.
He’s working nights at the moment and he always cwtches me and kisses my neck when he gets into bed. Also when he gets up. I love that feeling.
Before he left I hated being touched, but now I embrace it. Before he left I hated the noises he made. But now when I’m downstairs and I hear him snore and f@rt (then I know he’s awake!) I love it. It makes me feel warm and safe.
We take things so much for granted and while the last few years have been H@ll......I now realise how lucky he and I are to have each other. He hasn’t said anything but when he kissed me goodbye before he left for work the other night he paused for a second and looked me in the eyes.
His look said it all.
Last edited by job; 08/06/1801:17 PM. Reason: edited several words
Westo that's beautiful. As I read your post I can't help asking myself, "why is it that so often we humans must almost lose something before we fully appreciate it?" By that I mean our species. We seem to have it as an innate part of our humanity, unfortunately!
I'm so glad you're feeling safe and having these moments of enjoying the little things. I know you're in the hardest part of the journey, love and I'm sending you cwtches and kisses every day from America xoxoxo you can do this!
Last edited by bttrfly; 08/06/1801:20 AM.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
He’s been in a strange mood and a little snappy, like he was the days before BD.
He was even short with our GD who, after a day out with D, wanted to tell him all about it. I had to really keep my mouth shut as he was really annoying me with his attitude to her. In the end I told her to go home.
He told her he would see her tomorrow, then I informed him she goes to her dads until Friday and he said he’d see her then.
I wasn’t going to say anything but I did. I asked if he was ok as he’d been snappy today. He said “who me?” and I said I expect him to have off days as we all do and to talk and not keep things in. I don’t know if I should have.
He said he was just tired and proceeded to yawn constantly until he left for work ten minutes ago.
My friend phoned earlier to ask if I was going out Friday night to a mutual friends birthday party and that her and her husband would pick me up on the way. I said yes I would love to go.
I think I could do with some time out. He’s working but will be home an hour after I leave. I think it will be a good thing to show him I’m not going to stay in.
I see nothing wrong in asking him if he was okay. You, in a good way, let him know his behavior was off. The are like two year olds, i.e., they get cranky and don't realize how they come across.
You are doing the right thing in going out Friday evening. There is no need for you to be at home w/him. He can take care of himself for one evening and it will give him some time to himself as well.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hello there. I have read your thread before, but don't think I've ever posted to you. I just wanted to throw my support your way. Recently I have been wondering what it might be like if my W ever wanted to move back home. I assume it would be difficult, and reading through your sitch I can see that is. You sound like you are handling it very well, all things considered. Just know that you have more friends here than you even knew. Not sure I'll have much advice for you as you are further along in this thing, but you have my support!
I hope H was just having a down day. Everyone does have down days which is understandable. That is one thing I wondered about for my W (if she ever came home anyways)...how I would separate down days from MLC cycling in my head. After all we have been through, we have more patience to deal with the BS, but we have also been treated poorly to the degree that any bad mood can easily be interpreted as MLC behavior. Before all this, my W could have a down day just from being tired and I wouldn't think too much about it...it happens. I realize that if we ever reconcile, that will be something that will take some time to work through. I think you handled yourself well!!
Thanks for the reply Job, you know Ilook forward to them. And thank you sjohns6 for your interest in my sitch and your support.
You are so right, things that H would say or do before BD I wouldn’t think twice about, but now?
Today he was back to normal again. I think I am super sensitive and paranoid at the moment and I suspect I will be for a long time.
If he’s quiet, I think....why, what’s up and then I have to remind myself that he was always quiet. He used to not be able to keep his hands off me. Now he doesn’t show much physical contact. He still has erectile problems. My first thought is......hmmmm I bet he never had a problem with OW, but I don’t know that.
He says that’s how he is and has been for a while, so I suppose if he didn’t have that problem with her, he’d still be there?
I’m so sensitive and on my guard right now, each day is hard work. Today when D and me came back from shopping and the car was gone. First thought?
He’s left again.. ( he’d gone to visit his parents). It’s so very difficult for me, but I am determined to keep posting here as often as I can, to help others.
You should work on yourself all you can while the WAS is awol, and I really suggest you do. Because if they do return, you will need to dig deep on what you have learned about yourself in order to really move forward and learn to shut that mouth.
I’m practicing what I’m preaching but above all putting into practice what I’ve learned from here. If I didn’t......all the ‘homework’ would have been a waste of my time.
He says that’s how he is and has been for a while, so I suppose if he didn’t have that problem with her, he’d still be there?
I wouldn't be sure of that. Sex is a hook but it doesn't do the dishes. Never having had an affair I can only speculate that it's about the "new" and the power and control dynamics. An OW that thinks you're wonderful looks pretty attractive even when she's not naked. For her (speculating) a successful mature man who is interested in "her" (from what I've read she had self-image issues) At best sex is an excuse especially I believe for those of us on the more mature side of things.
Originally Posted by Westo
And my time is very precious.
As are you.
I have perhaps a different perspective but I try not to look at wasted time any more than spilled milk. Time is a precious commodity that we spend. You have grown a lot in the last couple of years as have those of us who have walked beside you. To paraphrase Jack_Three_Beans - no matter what we know that we've become better people. Has that been a "waste"? I doubt it. Would we rather have spent that time very differently? Absolutely.
((Westo))
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Ugh, I understand exactly how you feel about those triggers. Those are exactly the types of things that I wonder about. I will take your advice. I a working on bettering myself, and I am making good progress. I know that self improvement will never be something that I will be done with, but I know that there is a point I'll need to reach before reconciliation would actually be a healthy thing for me, if that is in the cars for us, anyways.
I'm really happy to be following along in your story because I find your progress in your sitch very inspiring. I know it probably doesn't feel inspiring as you struggle with it, but from an outside perspective you seem to be doing great!!
