Forgiving them isn't the hard part it's trusting them Again.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I had a string of expletives typed to discribe what I thought of them.
You sure don’t need that kind of treatment. I am glad to see you turning the other cheek and continuing along.
I feel for you and your kids and hope it get resolved soon.
The latest text exchange seems very amicable. I am with you, something is amiss. You know - don’t believe anything they say and only half of what they do. Her actions will tell the tale.
Keep on detaching girl you’re doing fine.
(((marina7)))
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
When it comes to my kids this momma bear comes out W several times after separating them then W would tske s10 to grandparents house so d10 and s9 would not see him. It took several calls and emails W finally had it written by GAL you can't separate children's and W still didn't understand finally GAL valled W in.
I till this don't know why W did this is gut wrenching to see my kids breakdowns W is just horrible to us.
So taking it a day at a time
That’s terrible she would keep the kids apart, who would do that? The only good thing is I’m sure the GAL took note. My ex would do things to hurt her case all the time, it sounds like yours is probabaly doing the same. Keep being there for your trio. Are you supposed to get a decision before school? Something that helped me wait was getting in the mindset that the decision was going to go my way and I was just waiting to get the letter.
My ex has gotten better better but for a few time she was also treating the kids like property. I’m sure this is how she was treated as a child.
Kyh, Thank you, yeah I know W was told kids stay together on visit W broke that around 5 times and everytime W would say I didn't know that's what GAL meant SMH.
I till this day break my head trying to understand why or how a mother can do that to kids, my kids already had a rough life before adoption and W still manage to hurt them.
I been doing all of the above keeping kids together all I want is my kids to stay together because they only have each other after W and I die.
But one thing you said Kyh, W was brought up with siblings but they are not close at all and MIL since I know them has always put them against each other is sad to see this happening.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
Journaling, So as I said earlier since ER scare with s10 W been different, W sent me a pictures of kids I of course said thank you W replied wow they growing so fast where is time going. I replied Yes they are
I don't want to think much of it but this is new since BD
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
Do you and her exchange pictures often or is that new?
Or is the talking of the kids growing up so fast the new behaviour?
For me, aside from S17’s grad, W has not asked for, taken, or shared any pictures with me or the kids.
Like your W, she is going to wonder where the time went.
I do believe that MLCers are living in their past. The behaviour, clothes, mannerisms all point to their younger selves. Once in a while they float back to the present for a brief time, and I suspect feel a lot like rip van winkle. This of course leads to more confusion and stress and off they go again.
As you know, just let W do what she has to do.
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
DnJ, Thank you for replying to my question, Yes all New behavior very weird and nice but so confusing to kids and myself. W never ask for pictures. Like many of us at BD we do all the wrong things I know I did I sent pictures of kids and us. W said stop texting me so over a year ago no pictures at all or even text W very cold and angry and monstering mode. Now W is actually trying to make eye contact talk more and the text.
Also court is soon about s10 which also makes me wonder. But the kids said W was nice to us, mom sometimes yeld and scream but was nice. But on interesting note s10 is very quiet but today was different for him he was angry about OW tell W what to do or say. I of course don't ask questions I just listen and all 3 confirm OW tells W where they going est or going blah blah blah... ut pretty crazy W was not the one you told what to do.
I know this is confusing the kids and even me. When am pulled away W has a way of playing with our emotions.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
New behaviour and nice is worrysome. MLCers can be very manipulative to get what they want or need at that moment in time. Tread cautiously. I am concerned she is being nice due to upcoming court date.
So a year basically without texts or pictures, and now she sends some. I can see how it is confusing you. Focus on you and kids.
She is still in her tunnel and has a long way to go.
Originally Posted by marina7
When am pulled away W has a way of playing with our emotions.
You’ve read my sitch, so you have read my thoughts on detachment. Being accurate in thought and feelings will bring clarity and detachment.
From above, W does not have a way of playing with your emotions. You control what you think and feel. Do not give her power over you, or control or influence over your feelings.
Yes our spouses can and do hurt us, but it is ourselves that prolong that hurt and suffering. Realizing that will allow you to greatly regain control of your feelings and thoughts.
In an attempt to be more clear: Your W does something hurtful towards you. You then feel hurt. You see, you create the feeling of being hurt, panicked, etc. She can’t create the feeling inside of you, only you can do that.
So since you create the feelings, you can lessen, and eventually not even create the feelings - Detachment.
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Today interesting day. I pick kids up yesterday W stated she got them there school supplies well well thank God I did W purchase things they didn't need and purchase s9 a kindergartener backpack. I do appreciate W tried. I am grateful.
But today W went from sending pictures and texting to nasty text. I sent W a text saying
M. Hi needed to take d10 to clinic d10 has strep throat and nasty infection lots of antibiotics please change their toothbrush so boys won't get strep throat. W. Ok when did you take d10 M earlier today around 5pm W I appreciate it I get a phone call while you driving there. M I understand but that was the time you where supposed to call them I was going to tell you but my focus was on d10 because fever was 102 she was my concern. W well some of us work, I have bills and now child support and I don't have to check in with you. And I am no longer allowing you to bully me. Or be a monster to me. I know I have to take care of myself now. Blah blah
W went off about me bullying. Everyone us bulling her. How I didn't want s10 how I didn't let her talk to d10 and s9 mind you I have letter of my free consultation and I filed when I had the money , also I have text and emails when W stated she wanted to be left alone wirh s10 and for me ro forget him. Yes you read this right W wanted me to leave her alone with s10. And for me ro move on with my life with d10 and s9.
W is realizing court hearing is soon. I was the one that has file 7 petitions. 1 full custody 2. Abandonment of children 3 child support 4 W pays for lawyers 5 W pays for GAL 6 W pays kids therapist 7 W can't leave state with children and drop off to anyone when W can't watch them.
And all this can go away if W gives me s10 back to be with his siblings and W gets 50 I get 50 I honestly want my s10 home.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
