Many thanks steve85. I think you are dead right. I need to rise above these negative, defensive thoughts. Be stronger. I am starting out on GAL and I intend to make it a very happy and fulfilling one.
Spoke with a L and they think the approach the W has decided on is a bad one, effectively making us go through a process twice. I do not really want to bring up any R or M of D talks so I guess I just needs to roll with it and hope for now.
I have thought of hiding the MC too, it’s a common reaction don’t feel guilty but at the same time deep inside you know that’s not the path you want to take.dont decide on the MH right now see how things pan out and make sure that you are not the one leaving home . Good luck
Thanks Arsh. Kids away at the moment on holiday with IL. W made it quite clear she would not be home during this period. She is spending most of her time with her other D friends who all are thinking this is great and giving her 'advice' as well as introducing her to OM. This is one of the hardest parts I am finding - the thought that she is sitting there with these witches who are stirring a cauldron of hate to effectively tear apart my family. How can I counter this? Or do I need to let it run it's course?
As you get better at detachment, GAL, 180s, and being the best uk82 that you can be, she will start to question her decision. This will upset her and she will lash out, rebel, etc. Most LBSs see that as a bad sign, but those are actually positive because it shows she is having an internal struggle against her proclamation.
WOW thanks for posting hat Steve85, I think you are right. That is a really important piece of info. W was recently bad to me on the phone after a good day. I was feeling happy afterwards. I was thinking 'I don't have to put up with it anymore but I also thought that 'there must be some sort of internal dilemma going on'.
Looking back over the last 3 months or so, I can recall a few instances where I seemed to peak the wife’s interest, even if it were momentarily. I think this was me GAL and detaching without realising it. My problem has been consistency. Examples include; I changed my hairstyle and wife complimented me on it. Then I wore a shirt to work instead of a t shirt and she noticed that too - asked if I was going out that night. Then I bought some new shirts and wife commented they were nice but not my ‘usual’ style. I just said I fancied a change. Then she said quite angrily that she had seen me looking at houses on my phone. I didn’t deny this. She was the one shouting she was selling the house! All of these things were before I found this forum but I have undone this good work by pursuing, clingy, needy and rising to the bait and getting into arguments.
Thanks Arsh. Kids away at the moment on holiday with IL. W made it quite clear she would not be home during this period. She is spending most of her time with her other D friends who all are thinking this is great and giving her 'advice' as well as introducing her to OM. This is one of the hardest parts I am finding - the thought that she is sitting there with these witches who are stirring a cauldron of hate to effectively tear apart my family. How can I counter this? Or do I need to let it run it's course?
My copy of DR cannot arrive quick enough.
You counter it by venting here? Think about what you would say to her about it...and what her response would be...
You can't do anything about the floozies coaching up your W. They're scum. You can't change them. They are perfect bc they don't judge your W, they validate everything she is doing. If they didn't, your W wouldn't be hanging around them.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Yes that is exactly right ovvrnbw. What would I say to my wife? They are jealous of you and want to bring you down to their misery. They do not have your best interests at heart, nor of the children. They think that D is nothing. One of them has no kids and been D twice at 36! That tells you how much she values the vows. The other had OM at work and decided to introduce the children to him before telling her H! The honeymoon period will soon pass for them. Oh dear what a sad state of affairs. What would my W say? Probably something like “they were brave, they were not happy, life is too short, they are happier now, they didn’t love their H, the kids will be fine, loads of people do this.” Grrrrrr.
You can't do anything about the floozies coaching up your W. They're scum. You can't change them. They are perfect bc they don't judge your W, they validate everything she is doing. If they didn't, your W wouldn't be hanging around them.
WOW that's a good point. At the start of the year W became close friends with a woman who had just left her H. I hadn't even known of that friendship until W had said she would be staying overnight at her house sometime.
In contrast, a friend has become a widow. W has barely spoken to her.
