I have seen women do this, too. They have made up their mind (or so they think) that it's over and they are ready to D. Then they meet with the H and he is looking really good, and he is showing that side of himself that resembles the man she had fallen in love with and M. So, they have a peaceful discussion……..and as soon as her angry feelings subside, her old feelings of attraction try to surface. Bottom line......she felt attracted to you. That's why she kissed you. Did not surprise me one little bit. That's not to say she's ready to reconcile, but it probably left her feeling a little confused also.
Continue playing it smart and do nothing that hints of pursuit. That is a sure way of throwing ice on everything. The WW needs to work to get her H back. Know what I mean? You can keep the road paved smoothly, but don't go chasing her down.
Good Job!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Definitely not chasing her down. Just trying to buy as much time as I can by being polite, listening, but not talking about terms of the D (it honestly still hurts to think about it, despite my coming to terms with it should it move forward), and not begging her for anything at all.
She is wanting to see if it's possible for me to keep S every weekend that she works (which is literally every weekend). I did tell her I would be fine with that, but I'm about to start this new job that may have me working very strange, long, and random hours. As a side note...she also told me that if I needed any help with the systems I'd be working on, I would be free to call her to ask for her help...that's not something I plan to do, even though she does have more experience with them (just not so much on the technical side). Also, she's trying to work her way into the same office, but in a different department. So that's a bit strange. Fortunately, my job will probably allow me to be out of the office fairly frequently.
Then again, it may be a good thing. Who knows. What I do know is that she's got a way to go before she gets the office job she wants, and I've got my own work to do. It's probably not at all relevant, but it is kind of humorous and maybe a little bit weird.
Anyway, gonna keep on keeping on! Thank you, everyone. I'll check in again soon.
Finally started the new job this morning! Also, W called me to make sure I was awake in time for work...and she just happened to be at the donut shop near my place with S, and she asked if I'd like to meet them there to say hi for a few minutes. I did go over and say hi to them, talked to S for a bit, got some awesome hugs from him, then went off to work.
I'm kind of exhausted. It was a long day, and I've got a LOT of stuff to learn at work. So I'm really excited about this.
I'm sure W will probably text me at some point to find out how my day was. Since our face-to-face meeting last Thursday, she has called or texted me every single day. Heh. I dunno.
Blakmac, you're doing a great job of DB'ing! Sounds like you are listening to W and validating, and you are avoiding injecting your feelings/ thoughts into the convo, and you are not fighting the D, that's all exactly what you should do. I think all these signals you're getting from your W are a GREAT sign, she's starting to see what she will miss and she's not sure she's making the right decision after all. But like Steve and Sandi said, STAY THE COURSE! This isn't the time to pursue or assume she's changed her mind. You keep doing exactly what you've been doing and let HER pursue (which is exactly what she's doing). The one thing I want to caution you about is I think you are being too available to her. She's sort of learning to miss you but you are always immediately available when she calls and texts so you're allowing her a bit of cake-eating. Be more distant and mysterious. Not rude or cold, but you want to leave her with the impression that you are quite busy and can't carve out much time for her. You want her to wonder if she may lose you, and who you are with, and what you are doing.
AnotherStander, I was wondering that myself. I tend to answer the phone calls/texts simply because she has S with her. I need to be a bit more difficult to reach. Heh.
She actually asked me to call her while I was at lunch today. She was taking S to his dr appt, and she wanted to know how the new job was going, tell me about some of the issues that the store she works at was having (it's actually my job to work on that stuff, too), and just find out how my day was going. Before I got off work, she asked if I would call again after work, this time it was her asking me if I would keep S overnight Friday in a couple of weeks (on her weekend) because she had to work, but wanted to pick him up Saturday morning so she could spend a little time with him. I told her I'd be glad to keep him overnight. Then she proceeded to ask more about how my day was, etc. She did mention that she's really glad that we're getting along better now, and that she thinks it's better for everyone that we are. I said "I'm glad, too" but I didn't pursue the conversation down that path.
Definitely going to keep this up. I would love to be more mysterious, but now that I'm working again, that's a bit difficult. Especially since she works for the same company (just in a different location).
It does feel like this is going way better than it was before. I am still going to keep up the DB for sure. If nothing else, at least we're both trying to be more reasonable, which is good for S ultimately.
Thanks, everyone! I've still got a lot of work to do.
Today has gone pretty well. I figured I would be a complete emotional wreck today. Of course, the day isn't quite over yet...heh.
So, it's our 5 year anniversary. I was leaving work to go on my lunch break, and as I was driving out of the parking lot...W just happened to be driving by. She stopped and asked if I was on lunch, and I told her that I was. She asked if her and S could join me, so I said that would be fine (hooray S time!). They sat with me during lunch, and W kept looking at me, smiling, and then acting shy when I smiled politely back. She said that today was a weird day, and I agreed. We laughed about it. She said that she was glad to see me today. As we were leaving, she acted like she wanted to hug me, but she decided not to. After work, she met me to let me get S from her, and she hugged me. Tonight she called me about S. We talked about him, then she said "so...I don't want you to think I'm stringing you along or anything with the smiles, hugs, and stuff..." to which I replied firmly but still politely "you don't have to worry about me, I'm a big boy." She went silent. And then we ended the call.
I can't assume anything here. I know that. I'd love to believe she's having regrets and second thoughts. But I also believe that she hasn't changed her mind, and she's just trying to be "friends". Either way, I can't assume anything.
Now that I'm thinking about today, our anniversary, our S asking me tonight "so Dad, how did we become a family?"...it does hurt. More than I want to admit. Fortunately, S is asleep, so if I do get emotional tonight, at least he won't see it.
W said she's going for a bike ride tonight after she gets off of work. It's already late. I told her to just be careful. She probably is going for a ride with some friends, and honestly that's what I'm going to choose to believe. But everything inside me wishes that she'd come here and stay with me and S. So that's a bit rough. Okay, that's all I have to say about that...it just [censored] being here knowing that today could have been a really special day...and even though it was a good day, it still [censored].
Well, that's my update for now. Gonna keep on DBing.
