Letting go for my own inner peace

[DnJ]

Wow! I had to read that a coupe of times to figure that out. What a crazy story. XW is sure messed up.

The message from XW delivered from the bailiff. You are so right, that’s a big no contact. Good idea giving it to your L.

The restraining order is starting to look like a good option. Your girls’ and parents’ emotional well-being is very important.

I hope D15 can quickly put this behind her and enjoys her 16th Birthday.

[job]

I am so sorry that she's still irrational and to do what she did. I'm not making excuses for her bad behavior, but it sounds like she's a very lost soul, i.e., the drugs and booze have taken a toll on her mind. If she wants no contact, then no contact it would be. If she contacts you, make a copy of the missive and stash it somewhere as evidence that she's attempting to instigate another mess.

As for your daughters, I hope your daughter had a nice birthday, in spite of her mother's behavior. I'm going to wish your other daughter a happy birthday a bit early because I'm sure you'll be busy planning that event for her. Your daughters know their own minds when it comes to their mother. She's going to discover that they don't want a thing to do w/her. It's very, very sad...but she brought this all on herself. I pray that she gets some help before it's too late.

Please take care of yourself.

[bttrfly]

happy bday to D18!!!!!

Get a restraining order for the girls and your parents. run. don't walk!!!!

It has always bothered me that eew (or the threat of eew) has consistently ruined every birthday, holiday and milestone since she left. She's set the table. Now it's your turn to serve her the just desserts she's more than earned.

I'm sorry if that sounds mean or vindictive, but it's too much too far and she's b@t $h!t crazy to boot! your mom and dad should be enjoying their lives now, not worrying about a drugged up loose cannon. The girls have been through enough. Take action. Please.

xoxoxo

[HaWho]

Irish - sounds like she has some fierce paranoia over there. It's really sad. And I am so sorry that she is losing the most valuable commodity there is: time.

Keep being the tank you are.

[rd500]

Hi Irish just to echo everyone's else , your on your own path and you are a rock for your daughters. I can't imagine the pain , anger, sadness , etc they must go through and all you can do is to be there for them. emotionally. Your Ds are coping with a incredibly tough situation , your strength is a shining light for them. The latest from EXW is just more of the same and a feeble attempt to make her ' matter'. She is attempting to draw the focus back on her because in her world she is the victim. I may sound hard but but i believe WASs come to the realisation that they are not the centre of the universe and people who they left behind have moved forward and that is notnwhatbthey want..

Enjoy yours Ds, your own life and your future, we only get one go at this life so live it the way that is best for you and yours.

Take care , Rd

[roist]

Hi Irish

Why do you think you need a restraining order? From what I read there is no real danger or excessive hassle. I'd ignore her for now. I'm not saying that her actions aren't sources of stress for ye all. Definitely. But if the usual pattern continues she'll be MIA again soon enough.

I wonder if OM2 wasn't told about ye and the returned letters let the cat out of her bag. That could explain something. He could even have gone on a binge with the strange woman in reaction. All speculation and all pointless. Not your monkeys.

I hope your GF can be patient and not pressure you to move in together. You'll know when is right for you and your D's.


I think.you were wise to point out to D's that the card geste was all she was capable of right now. Although it isn't what the girls want of her it was yet again another reaching out to them. In her mind she is doing her best and is being rejected again. Technically she is right but no one would blame the girls for not accepting the gift.

No advice to give. Keep doing what you are doing.

Best wishes

[Irish M]

The restraining order is starting to look like a good option. Your girls’ and parents’ emotional well-being is very important.

Hi Dnj

yes it is looking more like that . I did get a reply from my lawyer and he said I should reply to her lawyer directly. No need for him to reply and start a huge lawyer game back and forth.

So I sent a simple email stating

I received the letter preventing me from contacting your clients in any form. I will accept and follow this rule. However, I hope this goes both ways. As my responses to your client are merely me stating facts and protecting my family members from any stress that your client is causing.

so we leave it at that. No real change as from now until Christmas there is nothing for her to reach out about.

If she contacts you, make a copy of the missive and stash it somewhere as evidence that she's attempting to instigate another mess.

Hi Job
yes , if there was one thing you all taught me was to keep records. When i looked at them recently to clean out my PC. It was sad reading them. Never in my wildest dreams I thought of her as evil and cold. That she could do this. She had my complete trust. Now I would protect my worst enemy from her craziness .

It has always bothered me that eew (or the threat of eew) has consistently ruined every birthday, holiday and milestone since she left. She's set the table. Now it's your turn to serve her the just desserts she's more than earned.

HI Bttrfly. How are the eagles :-)
Yes next step is just that. One more hurtful attempt and the girls themselves will get a restraining order on their mom.
Sad writing that.

My Lawyer said that since they are 15 (soon 16) and 18 . it would have to come from them. D18 still asks to have her name removed from her birth certificate.

I am so sorry that she is losing the most valuable commodity there is: time.

Hi HaWho

yes, very sad. She has missed so much since she left. this time in the girls life things happen so fast. Graduations. learning to drive, boy friends, bonding, becoming young women, birthdays. I don't know how she does it.

I can't imagine the pain , anger, sadness , etc they must go through and all you can do is to be there for them. emotionally. Your Ds are coping with a incredibly tough situation , your strength is a shining light for them.

Yes, I feel their pain every day. It's draining on me sometimes and breaks my heart. I know it will affect them forever. She was an amazing mom and wife. Huge loss. I also know that they are strong and will continue to move forward.

She is attempting to draw the focus back on her because in her world she is the victim.

most definitely. Her victim personality is strong.

I met up with an old colleague. She went through a depression. Got help and is finally back to work. She told me that she really blamed everyone else. If her car didn't start in the winter at -30. It was her BF fault. If work was bad and she was late getting things done. It was everyone else's fault. She said she would sit at her desk and have dark thoughts, think about just leaving everything and everyone. Days went by and she did nothing at work. Felt angry all the time. But always thought she was surrounded by idiots and she was not to blame for anything. Until she got real bad and got help. Therapist and meds.

Why do you think you need a restraining order?From what I read there is no real danger or excessive hassle

well when I confronted her about OM1, she got one against me. She did not want me to know where she was living. I think since the girls sent the cards back to her address. She realizes I know where she lives. So restraining order number 2

and to what the lawyer wrote. She didn't like me pointing out her bad mother skills. She can't hear the truth.

My XW is good at getting cheap lawyers. This is her 3rd. If she says write me a letter and its all a load of crap. And that even that lawyer knows its crap. They do it anyway and take her money. Her first lawyer spoke to my lawyer that she is illogical and not well. He still took her money for crazy requests.

I think.you were wise to point out to D's that the card geste was all she was capable of right now.

Yes, I am honest with the girls and they know how i feel. They are at a point where me saying that she is not well and she was a good mom before. She is just not ready to make a true attempt.. They get mad and say.. no dad , she is and will always be a bad person.

Time will tell how that changes for them.


So D18 had a great birthday. Spent a lot of time with her this week as my gift to her was her first car. So car shopping we went. Great bonding time and lesson in patience.. She wanted the first one we saw. I took 3 to the garage for inspection and we decided on the one that had no issues. Used but in great shape. I want her to have more independence. This way she can get a better part time job. Easier commute to college. We live on an island, connected by 2 bridges. Public transport is not the best on this side and jobs are limited. A car gives her more opportunities. She is responsible for her gas only this year. Next year she takes on the registration and insurance.

We had to go to the bank to withdrawal some of her school money I put aside.She needs a new lap top. Yes the same money that XW tried to steal 2 years ago. Well it seams she tried again. She was shot down by the bank under the order they had from the court. In the divorce document she has no access to that money. I need to sign along with D18 or D15 to take it out for them. No one else. Not even them alone as it is intended for college.

D15 turns 16 tomorrow. I made the same video I made for D18 when she turned 16. Footage from baby to 16. Emotional . However It was a lot easier this time around to make it. Seeing XW in those videos did not affect me as much. I edited her out of course.
When I made D18's 16 year old video I was a mess. It was a year only into MLC. Time and distance does make it easier.


prayers for everyone going through this.

Irish

[kml]

You're an awesome dad. And yes, even though they can't hear it now, it's ok for you to tel them she's not well and this isn't the person she was when they were younger.

[bttrfly]

Hey Irish - wrong season for eagles on the lake here in town, and I've not had the time to go to Plum Island to check them out. It's been all about my wolves, as we have puppies who are now 13 weeks old. That's been amazing to experience! Also, big move for me later this month.

I'm so glad the orders are in place with the bank. Unreal the depths they sink to in their crisis. I'm glad you sought legal counsel. Happy bday to D (almost) 16!

I spent the weekend cleaning out the basement, lots of stuff that is exh's and also stuff from 26 years together. Photos, cards, etc. I had my friend whose exw went through a MLC six years ago come help. It was easier when he was here. As upsetting as this all is, it passes so much faster now than it did even two years ago.

The girls know beyond the shadow of a doubt that they can count on you no matter what. That means everything.

[DnJ]

Wow she tried to get the money again. Glad things were in place to stop her.

My kids each have a sizeable inheritance from their great-grandparents with W being the sole trustee until they reach 23 years of age. The will stated the money could be used for education which would sure be nice with S19 and S17 both enrolled in university. Last time W was approach about this she refused and held the money as leverage over the kids.

It is crazy to see how our spouses change at a fundamental level.

Having you speak to her lawyer directly was a pretty good idea and a lot more efficient and cost effective. And as you said nothing real to happen until Christmas.

You have done a great job with your girls. Car shopping must have been pretty exciting for D18 and maybe even for Irish?