Petri, your wife doesn't sound emotionally stable at all. She can't possibly be that happy. People don't drink that heavily when they're happy with their lives, right? I hope she can figure out her own issues. Sounds like she sent off the divorce papers one day on a whim when she was feeling bad but other days when she's good she's happy to send you pictures and invite you to family parties. That other man has to get out of the picture before she can clear her head or either of you could consider reconciling though. And once a divorce is final there's no obligation on either side to do anything anymore but it would be great if someday you two could work things out.
Nicole. She informed me about finalizing the divorce on Sunday 3am drunk. She knew I was at this party cruise which she wanted to attend. Her best friend(which I've known for over 20 years) was there and she had posted a pic in which I was in. That exploded everything. So finalizing the D was merely a reaction to this. She's not emotionally stable. She was in therapy and she told me that is the only thing that is keeping her sane. And her therapist retired early June so her therapy stopped. Is she happy? On the surface yes, maybe. Is that the true reality? I doubt. But this is her decision. It's not for me to lift her up.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
I've been trying to contact XW regarding schedule to make a new contract with real estate agent. No reply what so ever. Not a single word. She was the one who said that let's handle this in a civil way for the sake of both's mental health. I'm not seeing this as civil at all.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
Yeah. Well we've read a lot from this forum that are straight from a sci-fi alien abduction movie. Just got to be strong and let these things slide. It's hard but it will be worth it.
Thanks Neff. Much appreciated.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
There is one thing I am happy for. XW is in contact with the kids when it's not her week with them. There has been long times when she didn't do that. Felt like she put her motherhood on hold for a week.
On tuesday me and my daughter went to the beach. XW was there alone. D7 went to say hi and naturally I followed. After saying hi D7 asked me "should we go there?" and pointed further from her mom. I kinda felt sorry for XW. She stayed there alone and me and D7 went swimming. I saw her leaving and I have to be honest, I was heartbroken. She walked away like a person with a ton of bricks on her shoulders. Just a bit earlier she came by to say bye to D7 and she was all smiles and happyhappyjoyjoy.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
How can I stop giving a *beep* about XW's drinking? I still do care for her and I hate to see her doing this to herself(and our kids). She's pulling back to back drinking days on back to back weekends. Why am I the only person to see that she has a problem?
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
XW's BFF called me. She had been to a music festival with her husband. They are separated also and are trying to piece things together. Well...XW had started spewing her BFF for going out with her husband. This is all new. She stopped spewing about three weeks ago at me and has now targeted her BFF. Oh this stupidity. She's on her nice way to alienate her closest people. Way to go!
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
Petri, maybe your wife was drunk when she was doing that and didn't even realize what she was saying. Perhaps her BFF could encourage her to reduce her drinking. I know in Finland alcohol is such a big part of the culture and people can barely socialize without it but it sounds like your wife might be going overboard. Anyway that's too bad your wife isn't supportive of her friend reconciling with her husband. It seems like your wife can't keep going this way forever. She snapped back to reality for a short time when she was sorry and wanted to reconcile. I bet at some point that'll happen again.
Nicole, she was drunk. And yes in Finland alcohol is sadly a big part of the culture, not in a civil way. XW's mom is an alcoholic, mom's parents were alcoholics. It's their way of coping, to run away. Hopefully she'll come to a realization that this is not good for her and sees that this is about her. She is the one who is hurting not that everyone else is to blame for what is going on with her.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
