Letting go for my own inner peace

[SBJ]

Glad to see you are doing well!

[kiro]

Irish, I spent the last 6 or 7 hours reading your 15 threads. I am speechless. One of your posts you wrote in January put tears in my eyes, the one where your daughter commented about what your EXW said when she left, that she was wrong and she's the one who missed out on the great trips.

You have been a great father and a great example. I am so sorry you have to go through all of this for such a long time. I will continue following your posts.

As for me, I have been posting on New Beginners. I think it's time that I move my posts in the Midlife section...

[Irish M]

Hi Kiro

I am following your sitch and I see that you are getting great advice.. It's not easy following it but in the end you need to trust your gut and look out for your kids. I too am sorry you are going through this. Not easy with kids. It makes it all more puzzling how they can just lose that motherly instinct.

As for my situation with the girls birthdays approaching. D17 this week and D15 in 2 weeks. I wasn't sure they would be messaged at all. The last birthday and Xmas they got zero contact. They did mention last week that they bet their birth mother ( that is what they call her now) will do something stupid.

Well their intuition was right. My mom calls me.

"Irish, I received 2 envelops. One for D17 and one for D15 . No return address."

So I swing by and pick them up. XW handwriting.. I get home and leave them on the table for the girls. D17 sees it.

"OMG, is that what I think it is"

I don't know. they are addressed to you, delivered to Nanny's house.

"Nanny?? why would birth mother send them there. lol did she forget where we live".

No clue?

D15 comes up and gets hers. This is where it hits home. She starts crying.
"Why does she do this, send us pockets of her and no real attempt. It hurts more and more . I hate her.

they both open the letters after exchanging and venting their feelings.

D17 card read:

Hi D17, soon you will be 18. Just want you to know I think about you everyday. Love mom xx

D15 card read:

Hi D15, I think about you every day, you will always be my baby , love mom xx

each contained a visa gift card of 25$

D17 says lets send it back. I don't want it.
D15 , send the card back , i'm keeping the cash . No send it back. that's not what i wanted.

So I say. You know girls maybe this is all she can do at this point. Yes D15 it comes in pockets. I couldn't imagine not seeing you guys for over 3 years. One day I hope she will figure it out.
As for the cards. You guys decide what you want to do with them.


So they decided to get them out of our house and send them back . Money cards included.

My parents were not that happy receiving this at their house. My dad said it gave him an eerie feeling. Like hes put in the middle. Doesn't like that feeling and she should fix her own mess. I understand him 100% . Like what are they supposed to tell the girls. Forgive their mom. or call her to thank her.

I find it funny she sent them to my parents house. As if I keep things from them here at home.

The girls are home after school at 3pm. EX just needs to drive by, knock on the door etc.
Emails , she has their personal one. No attempt.
Facebook, ok the girls blocked her. How hard is it to create a fake Facebook and message them there. Oh wait, that's pretty easy to do, XW had her 2nd Facebook while meeting OM1 so she knows how to do it.

on a personal note. I am working on my D15 sweet 16 party. I did the same for D17. Limo, supper out alone with friends and an activity of her choice. I also love making movies. So I start editing old home movies from D15 birth to last week at Comic-con. Well it was harder this time around going through memories and footage of XW when she was the person I loved. Crazy who she became as I don't recognize her at all now. |Not sure why i was affect more with this , I did the same for D17 and didn't get the same at a loss feeling. Maybe after withdrawal and acceptance there is a thing called memories that pull on your heart string.

I know she will never be that person again and I'm not waiting for it to happen. Too much has happened to forgive and forget.

I still have hope for the girls.





.

[kml]

I just want to say you're a h@ll of a dad. (((hug)))

[bttrfly]

I completely agree with Ellie - you are a h@lluva dad, Irish, and thank God they have you.

on a personal note. I am working on my D15 sweet 16 party. I did the same for D17. Limo, supper out alone with friends and an activity of her choice. I also love making movies. So I start editing old home movies from D15 birth to last week at Comic-con. Well it was harder this time around going through memories and footage of XW when she was the person I loved. Crazy who she became as I don't recognize her at all now. |Not sure why i was affect more with this , I did the same for D17 and didn't get the same at a loss feeling. Maybe after withdrawal and acceptance there is a thing called memories that pull on your heart string.

I know she will never be that person again and I'm not waiting for it to happen. Too much has happened to forgive and forget.

I still have hope for the girls.

I understand. I don't think it's memories pulling on heart strings so much as the last and hardest thing to give up on is the dream - the dream of the happy family, growing old together. MLC is like death, only worse because the person is still physically here but the soul we loved seems to have just vanished. I miss the man I married and spent many years with. The man who divorced me, not so much. But now that he's moving 3000 miles away I find myself alternating between hoping he leaves tomorrow and being very sad about how it all worked out (or didn't) for us. I figure it's just another step in letting go.

{{{{{{{Irish}}}}}}}

[job]

Irish,

You are a great father. Your girls are so lucky that they have a strong, compassionate father in their lives.

I am so sorry that your xw can't seem to get herself together. She is a very lost soul and may never find her way back to the real world.


Happy birthday to your daughter. I hope that she has a great day and many happy memories are made this week.

[DnJ]

Hello Irish M

What a strange way for “birth mom” to reach out. I suspect you are more right than you realize, that is probably the best she can do right now.

I am sure your Ds will love their birthdays. Two milestones coming up in weeks. D15 must be so excited. D17 becoming an adult. It is an emotional and happy time.

I know she will never be that person again and I'm not waiting for it to happen. Too much has happened to forgive and forget.

I understand. You cannot just forget all this. Maybe in time you will find forgiveness becomes more possible, I hope so.

I still have hope for the girls.

You are an awesome Dad and an inspiration to many. Enjoy the upcoming parties!

[kiro]

Irish, happy birthday for your girls.

Re-forgetting and forgiving: I have a cousin whose H left her many years ago. She suffered like most LBSs and raised her daughter on her own. Her H was a real jerk, cake eating, having multiple affairs, etc. Anyway, it's been maybe 10 years or more. She is a very loving and forgiving person. She somehow managed to find that peace inside her, she totally forgave him, and accepts him as a friend now.

I asked her how can you be his friend after everything he did to you and your daughter.

Her answer was "It just happens when time passes... you forget all this... it happened to me after the divorce... I felt angry at first and then with time your feelings change and you feel they are just an acquaintance with whom you have something in common (the kids) so they are closer than just an acquaintance.... now we are ok together and all the anger is gone"

These are her exact words that I copy/pasted. Maybe 1 day, you (and I and others) will be able to get there too

[Gerda]

Wow, Irish, the way you handled each and every moment of this story is INCREDIBLE! How I wish wish wish my kids had a dad 1/10 as loving and thoughtful and selfless as you. The damage of losing their mom must be so incredibly painful but the rock you are providing in helping them learn to deal with that pain and in showering them with love the rest of the time will serve them well all their lives and help them be attracted to the right kind of guys (guys like you!) later on!

[Irish M]

HI everyone

thanks for all the support ((( hugs))) KML, bttrfly, Job, DnJ, Kiro and Gerda

thanks for the D17 birthday wishes, She's now 18, I need to update that in my signature

So the cards went out. No comments written on them .Just sent to her address and girls were happy that they did not keep them. She would of received them on the 25th.

Well the 26th at 5pm. I receive a bailiff at my house with an envelope addressed to me.

written up that same day on the 26th. D18 birthday.
Funny I got the divorce paper on D18 birthday when she turned 16, So i guess there's a theme.

it states.

Miss XW is very upset receiving a parcel at her house which is a private address. This address was not given to you and miss XW is upset and worried. She would like no further deliveries made to her private house. Also, she has held her part and still does 3 years after the divorce was final. You Irish have custody of the children who are 16 and 18. Full custody and XW pays and I would like to remind you that she has not missed one child support payment within the 3 years. She would like access to her children and only her children should contact her.

You are requested to not email, text or call her in the future. No packages or mail sent to her private address. There is no need for you to update her on her children so no contact is needed.



well i simplified the message but clearly says no contact.. I have no problem with that. I do have a problem with her upsetting the girls and upsetting my parents. I will continue to defend and stand up for them if they request it from me. If my D was 38 and 40 , i'd do the same.

Her emotional abuse every time she pops her head out of her hole is now too much for D15 to handle. She has requested to me and D18 to not share anything about her birth mother . If she gets a letter to throw it away. I will respect those wishes.

I sent the letter to my lawyer so he can have it on file. He said that XW is very irrational in her requests as she instigates reactions. She is not well and this new lawyer she has clearly is taken advantage of a broken person. If XW would ask her to sue me for the moon this lawyer would take on the case for the $$. He also suggested a restraining order to her from the girls and my parents demanding her to not contact or send them anything until she has been seen by a medical professional. To protect them of any more emotional stress.

what was funny and forgotten was , She hasn't paid child support for 3 years as the first year she made a false claim with the gov't and said she had the sole custody of the girls. Received $$$ from the gov't as a single mom. They did catch her and she paid it back with a penelty.

so a whole lot of crazy.

I tell my GF about the letter, she tells me she has something to tell me. You see my Xw lives across from one of my GF sorority sisters. The friend of my GF has no interaction with XW. has met her twice and was not impressed and saw through her lies and playing victim. I told her I don't need to hear about my XW. So anything she sees or hears keep it off my path and out of any discussion. She has respected that.

my Gf pushes and says this is important.

so I say ok shoot.

well your XW was awake early last week, so it was said. Walking around the front lawn of OM2 house. EX found a purse, a cell phone and boots. Not all in the same location. Scattered across the lawn. She immediately panicked and called the police.

once she got off the phone she walked into the back yard and there was a woman. Barefoot and seems lost. Couldn't stand up straight. XW asked her if she was ok. The woman said she was in a bar a couple of towns over and after her second drink remembers nothing. Woke up here. XW hugged her and he woman started to cry. The police showed up and took her to the hospital . They want to ensure she is ok. However the police come back and tape off OM2 house with tape. Crime scene.

XW is being questioned. Neighbors are all outside on looking, Listening to whats going on. This is how my GF sorority sister knows so much.
Also it was also discovered that OM2 knows the BF of the woman.

so crazy upon crazy.

Now its possible this woman was wondering around after being drugged or drunk. Whats odd is the location. the bar is 15 miles away. Nothing between both towns but smaller towns, farms and corn fields. What are the chances she ends up at that house where OM2 knows the BF of this woman.

well to add to it. XW works at the local paper. Needed to share the story. Had one ofh te reporters write up a witness to a strange event. She did this as an unidentified witness. She goes on how supporting and how she saved this woman from trauma. How she found he purse and didn't give up until she solved the case. Bla bla bla. all about her and nothing about this poor woman. Nothing about the connection of the BF and OM2

makes me think restraining order might be a good idea as XW is messed up with some crazy people

And how was your week lol