Im sorry pal, but that makes uncomfortable reading that.
There is a reason why I messaged you earlier and a reason that most people after your last post are saying you look weak and needy.
I advised not to do things to get a reaction - so you ask "do you have happy memories of being in here??" - seriously are you really that bothered? She is leaving you.
In reality, the question is asked because it would be a straw to grab at if she says... "yes i have some lovely memories" - then you get a little bit of hope and the spiral of nonsense continues. Life is short pal - stop wasting it trying to avoid the pain. let her go. If its meant to be then she will come back. But you wont let her go because your scared she wont come back. Let it go and become a better version of you and you might surprise yourself.
If you met someone who quite clearly didn't want to be with you.. would you try the tactics you are using on your wife now? - if you did they would be out the door like a flash. The only reason you are doing it is because you think she is going to snap out of this if you follow what you read on here.
Our job is to help you get your life in gear.
Its important you listen to what you are being told if you want your situation to improve. This is NOT going to be pretty, it will take a long time, but there is a way to move to a better place than you are now.. with or without a partner.
for the most part, i think you came across as weak... the "memories" comment... commenting on whether or not she had planned a night out... the "you don't have to give me the details" remark... "i'm sorry you feel you need to do this," no bueno!!! you are too attached... the less you say, the better--especially if you are going to make these types of comments...
Before leaving, W seemed to think that I had been controlling and insecure. I hadn't been at all, I had just wanted us to make some time together because we'd only had 1 night out in 6 months. Of course she could just have been using poor excuses but for me to say after we split that I'd take the kids if she has a night out planned and I didn't need to know the details, it was a total 180. I was self-confident enough to let go and not be bothered what she does, so I think I seemed less needy to her. I effectively took a step-back. Strangely enough she then told me the details of what was planned even-though I had said it was none of my business.
I sent the message above BEFORE reading this. #mystic
I still find it weird to be offering to be more of a babysitting service than trying to come up with a fair/equitable schedule....I think that should be your goal.
I've done nearly all the childcare since the kids were born and with very little help. W then heavily restricted it when she left. I think it was because the kids wanted to come home. At the moment, I see them on a particular day and ask for other days if there is a local event etc. that I would like to take them too. I also go to all of their school events. W today asked if I'd like more days so there is some progress.
for the most part, i think you came across as weak... the "memories" comment... commenting on whether or not she had planned a night out... the "you don't have to give me the details" remark... "i'm sorry you feel you need to do this," no bueno!!! you are too attached... the less you say, the better--especially if you are going to make these types of comments...
Before leaving, W seemed to think that I had been controlling and insecure. I hadn't been at all, I had just wanted us to make some time together because we'd only had 1 night out in 6 months. Of course she could just have been using poor excuses but for me to say after we split that I'd take the kids if she has a night out planned and I didn't need to know the details, it was a total 180. I was self-confident enough to let go and not be bothered what she does, so I think I seemed less needy to her. I effectively took a step-back. Strangely enough she then told me the details of what was planned even-though I had said it was none of my business.
I sent the message above BEFORE reading this. #mystic
By this "Before leaving, W seemed to think that I had been controlling and insecure." I meant before we had split-up not tonight.
That's why me saying I'd have the kids overnight if she wanted a night out and me saying she didn't have to give me details of where she was going was a 180 and from a position of self-confidence letting go. She thought I wasn't bothered what she did. She then told me the details.
Im sorry pal, but that makes uncomfortable reading that.
There is a reason why I messaged you earlier and a reason that most people after your last post are saying you look weak and needy.
I advised not to do things to get a reaction - so you ask "do you have happy memories of being in here??" - seriously are you really that bothered? She is leaving you.
In reality, the question is asked because it would be a straw to grab at if she says... "yes i have some lovely memories" - then you get a little bit of hope and the spiral of nonsense continues. Life is short pal - stop wasting it trying to avoid the pain. let her go. If its meant to be then she will come back. But you wont let her go because your scared she wont come back. Let it go and become a better version of you and you might surprise yourself.
If you met someone who quite clearly didn't want to be with you.. would you try the tactics you are using on your wife now? - if you did they would be out the door like a flash. The only reason you are doing it is because you think she is going to snap out of this if you follow what you read on here.
Our job is to help you get your life in gear.
Its important you listen to what you are being told if you want your situation to improve. This is NOT going to be pretty, it will take a long time, but there is a way to move to a better place than you are now.. with or without a partner.
Whoa Benito this really landed on me and my sitch also...if I could ask could you please take a look at my sitch and chime in I think I could use your advise?
M 40 W 34 Together 7 Married 2 No Kids BD 1/18 need space Moved out 2/18 ILYBNILWY & Asked for D 3/18 W filed for D 6/18 D final 10/18
I still find it weird to be offering to be more of a babysitting service than trying to come up with a fair/equitable schedule....I think that should be your goal.
I've done nearly all the childcare since the kids were born and with very little help. W then heavily restricted it when she left. I think it was because the kids wanted to come home. At the moment, I see them on a particular day and ask for other days if there is a local event etc. that I would like to take them too. I also go to all of their school events. W today asked if I'd like more days so there is some progress.
Yes, I understand. But the situation you have now puts you in a position where you are asking her every time for the opportunity to see your kids. It automatically puts you at a position of weakness and puts pressure onto her. "Does he want the kids...or is it a ploy to see me?" If you have a regular, fixed schedule it balances that power dynamic, I think.
Yes, I understand. But the situation you have now puts you in a position where you are asking her every time for the opportunity to see your kids. It automatically puts you at a position of weakness and puts pressure onto her. "Does he want the kids...or is it a ploy to see me?" If you have a regular, fixed schedule it balances that power dynamic, I think.
Initially, W had heavily restricted my time with kids (but that also gave me the opportunity to make the house look much better and try to get my head around understanding what has happened etc.). I knew W would struggle before too long even with the full-time help or her parents. She has now started asking me about seeing the kids more (to suit herself).
W called and offered to meet me at an event on Sunday with the kids that I had wanted to take the kids too. I'm guessing that she will walk-off and leave them with me but she will still be around nearby so the kids will be split at times.
I will be seeing W at a school event tomorrow. I might do it so that she arrives first and I don't sit next to her.
W then put youngest on the phone to talk. Youngest then asked if I wanted to speak to 'mummy'. I said 'Nah that's OK'.
for the most part, i think you came across as weak... the "memories" comment... commenting on whether or not she had planned a night out... the "you don't have to give me the details" remark... "i'm sorry you feel you need to do this," no bueno!!! you are too attached... the less you say, the better--especially if you are going to make these types of comments...
Before leaving, W seemed to think that I had been controlling and insecure. I hadn't been at all, I had just wanted us to make some time together because we'd only had 1 night out in 6 months. Of course she could just have been using poor excuses but for me to say after we split that I'd take the kids if she has a night out planned and I didn't need to know the details, it was a total 180. I was self-confident enough to let go and not be bothered what she does, so I think I seemed less needy to her. I effectively took a step-back. Strangely enough she then told me the details of what was planned even-though I had said it was none of my business.
