For some reason, I feel like the first one after divorce can't work. I feel that he will want to explore. However, he has explored. He is almost 50 and got married in his 40's. So he has certainly lived a life and dated. I guess it is not an impossibility that one day, we could be an item. He did say he is definitely not ready for a "full-on" relationship and can't make any promises and has no idea what the future holds. So I guess it doesn't definitely NOT hold me.
He actually texted me tonight asking me how my weekend was. We had some convo then I asked him if he was definitely interested in that out of the norm event we were talking about because I have to make reservations. He said he thinks it will be fun and he is definitely up for it.
The anxiety may creep back up. But it has eased now that I am getting to know him and his patterns. To deal with it, I have a full social life and my hobbies and I will focus on that.
Am I not ready for falling in love now? Well, my daughter gets tons of attention from me, and if I decided not to have a real R or love until she grown up, well, that would have been 18 years of my adult life. Because I have been divorced forever. It is a challenge to build things with my limited schedule and no kids involved, so maybe, just maybe, right now, having someone to have some hot dates with and go really slow with (emotionally slow), IS what I need right now. Or what is meant to be in my life.
He really is a great man. It's been great getting to know him.
It is a challenge to build things with my limited schedule and no kids involved, so maybe, just maybe, right now, having someone to have some hot dates with and go really slow with (emotionally slow), IS what I need right now. Or what is meant to be in my life.
Just in case I wasn't clear, this ^^^^^ is exactly what I was trying to say. You do not at all have to wait until D10 is D18 for things to get easier, but you might be amazed at how much of a difference it will be when she is D14 or even D12 or 13. That just may be the same time HC needs. I don't even think it's near as much about him dating other women first, it's much more just about getting through the post D stuff. It just takes a few years to get back to normal again. It's a process. That's why many experts say not to date for at least 6 months - often a year post D. This ^^^^^^^ will also demonstrate whether slow and steady wins the race versus the previous instant connection instant R longer terms you had with FF and the guy previous who lived farther away from you. That's what I was trying to say - whether I'm right or wrong.
Last edited by job; 07/16/1811:26 AM. Reason: edited a word from gave to have
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
This ^^^^^^^ will also demonstrate whether slow and steady wins the race versus the previous instant connection instant R longer terms you had with FF and the guy previous who lived farther away from you.
Holy crap - I'm about to agree with Don...for the most part. An instant connection isn't a bad thing, necessarily. Now, an instant connection doesn't equate instant relationship. Connections happen immediately, whether we realize it (more like if we want to realize it) or not.
I'll take my HQ story as an example. For six months while she was deployed we talked every day - unless they were on comms blackout - through emails, messages, Skype, and phone calls. We knew very early on that this had the potential to really go somewhere. We knew what each other looked like, sounded like, and pretty much knew everything we could about each other in that timespan. But the connection was there...
Now, that first Saturday after she returned from Iraq was when my friend threw that party. The first time we laid eyes on each other - instant, immediate strong connection. As I've said before, it was like one of those "oh, there you are" kind of moments. I can remember walking into the room and looking for her. It seems as if she were waiting because our our eyes locked almost immediately and it was game over. To steal a famous line, she had me at hello - hell, even before. And the awesome thing is, that all those years I was married - even though we led our own lives - the core of us was still each other. Hence the LinkedIn contacts and all.
But, I digress. In part I agree with Don. As far as relationships go, slow and steady does win the race. No two ways about it. But, connections are immediate - either you do or you don't.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Well, I have no reason to rush anything, so slow and steady works just fine with me. In the past, my "all in" so to say was actually always more forced by situation or the pace of the other person, not really me. No rush here, as we live close to eachother, I really don't even care to get married, and I am done having kids. I put a roof over my own head. Kind of...…
I forgot to mention I found out yesterday my house is going under contract this week. My neighbor and I were walking in our houses at the same time and she asked me what I am doing about this whole situation and she is the one who told me the house is going under contract, one side owner occupied, which means one of us goes. ANd that they want $500 more a month. She found out from her realtor, not even our landlord. So I called my land lord and he stuttered a bit. I asked when he was going to tell me. He made some excuses. I asked how he is protecting us and our lease terms and he didn't have an answer for that. he said the lawyers are working it out. He said since I was so supportive, he would make sure I "get something". I asked him to keep me apprised of the proceedings, since I have no where to go with my daughter. he agreed. So I'll be in Niagara while the negotiate under attorney review.
So, of course, here is another wrench in my life. I didn't expect it this soon. The market is awful right now and I was hoping the bubble would burst soon. The prices are ridic and there really isn't anything out there. I had hoped my first time buy by myself didn't have to be a forced hand. And there is nothing for rent here that is remotely affordable.
Did Dawgs say he agreed with Don? Has h3ll officially frozen over???????????? I missed that on the news.
In all seriousness, though, I agree with Don too. Patience is a virtue, my dear. Just relax and enjoy the ride, so to speak. As far as the whole house thing, sending prayers and positive vibes your way for some sort of beneficial intervention for you. I know that adds a lot of stress to you and I hope there is a quick conclusion for you.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Did Dawgs say he agreed with Don? Has h3ll officially frozen over????????????
I said IN PART, ma'am. Calm down. It's only a test. When I get my imaginary band then start to worry...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Did Dawgs say he agreed with Don? Has h3ll officially frozen over????????????
I said IN PART, ma'am. Calm down. It's only a test. When I get my imaginary band then start to worry...
I'll be a fan of your band, which will no doubt be called the Smart @sses. Can I be a groupie? Oh wait, I probably shouldn't ask that should I...I should probably just stalk you and throw my undies at you when you are on stage.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Did Dawgs say he agreed with Don? Has h3ll officially frozen over????????????
I said IN PART, ma'am. Calm down. It's only a test. When I get my imaginary band then start to worry...
I'll be a fan of your band, which will no doubt be called the Smart @sses. Can I be a groupie? Oh wait, I probably shouldn't ask that should I...I should probably just stalk you and throw my undies at you when you are on stage.
No, I think I call it something like the "King I Pretend to Be". Question, in my bio, would it be creepy to put the number of women I've dated?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Can I be a groupie? Oh wait, I probably shouldn't ask that should I...I should probably just stalk you and throw my undies at you when you are on stage.
Of course. Although the underwear part may cause some trouble lol. But you can hear me talk about myself
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Can I be a groupie? Oh wait, I probably shouldn't ask that should I...I should probably just stalk you and throw my undies at you when you are on stage.
Of course. Although the underwear part may cause some trouble lol. But you can hear me talk about myself
Ok, I'll keep my undies to myself. I don't want to get on HQ's bad side. I outweigh her by at least one person, but I'm pretty sure she could still take me in a fight, so I'll be good. Talk away!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
