She knows...Pt. 3

[Vanilla]

That's all you can do.

WW is highly manipulative and extremely wayward. Nothing good can come of it. It takes it's toll on the body.

I think the best thing to say to S, is that dad has a new life and new friends because mummies friends are her best friends now. Ask who his best friend is and ask if he shares his best friend.

Be age appropriate and never lie to children. If you do then you are an adult they can't trust. At this point your lovely S4 has a stable adult in his life and that is you.

V

[blakmac]

W texted me about S's appointment. I wasn't able to make it today, but I did call the Dr and let them know that he would be there without me.

She let me know that the therapy is going well and he seems to be making progress with it so far. That's really good news. W asked if I would take him next week, I told her I would be glad to, and thanked her for letting me know.

I feel like being detached is starting to slowly work out...either that or her sister called her out on her behavior last week. Maybe both. Going to think it's the latter though.

Now to keep on keepin' on with the GAL/Detach stuff.

[blakmac]

Still detaching, but things seem to be going okay with that. I stopped talking to people on FB about the sitch. I also stopped venting about it on there as well.

Yesterday I got a text from W telling me about a job that someone told her about that I might be able to get into.

"Good afternoon. Not sure if you're still looking for another job, but I heard that a couple positions are about to open up at (name withheld) here in town. Have a great day."

I just replied "Thanks for the heads up, I'll look into it. Have a great day, too."

That's it. It was kind of random.

Not reading into it. But it was kind of...strange...is she still watching me to see what I'm doing? Is she actually concerned? I dunno. Doesn't matter, because I'm gonna be fine either way.

But it is interesting in a way. Definitely not the kind of text I expected from her at all.

[LoneWlf]

blackmac- believe only none of what they say and half of what they do. Proceed with caution and try not to read into anything she does. Most of all- stay positive!

[Vanilla]

Whatever happens in R, it is in your W interest that you have the best sources of income and a great work environment. It's clearly in yours too.

I would think no more than that.

V

[blakmac]

Oh, I don't think at all beyond that. Just updating.

Just going to keep doing what I'm doing.

[blakmac]

Hi everyone, I know it's been a bit since my last update. Just been keeping busy. It's been really nice.

I had S this weekend. We built a shelf together, watched movies, and just had a great time.

Yesterday, I got a text from W asking if I could put her roller blades in S backpack so she could have them for this week when they go to the park. I told her I'd keep my eyes open for them.

After that text, I had a panic attack. I have no idea why that set me off. I guess just her texting me out of the blue for something not related to S just completely caught me off guard. Fortunately, I was able to walk into a different room, pull myself together, and spend more time being happy with S. I'm getting better at it.

This morning, I got S ready to go to the day care (W insists that I drop him off there so she doesn't have to see me...). She texted again and asked if I'd let her know when I drop him off.

So I took S out for breakfast. We ate donuts in the car and got silly singing Beatles songs. S loves the Beatles. Great taste for a 3yo (he'll be 4 in a couple of weeks). After a while, I took him to the day care, he gave me a big hug goodbye, and I left. And yes, the roller blades are in his backpack for W. I drove off, and pulled into a parking lot to take a few minutes to stop being sad about leaving him.

It's not so much the sitch that bothers me anymore. It's having to share time with S. When he's here, we have a LOT of fun! And I get all the ILY's and hugs from him, and it's wonderful! Of course...he also talks about mommy's friends...I learned about two new ones this week. But...it doesn't shock me any more. I don't care what she does, as long as S is okay.

So, after leaving, I texted her as she requested to let her know I had just dropped him off. I also told her that the roller blades were in his bag, along with some of her mail (including her new insurance cards from her job...she seemed very relieved to know that they had arrived when I told her Friday that I had them and would send them home with him). My text was polite, and I stuck to relevant information about S (and the blades/mail), and told her that S was well behaved, and that we had a good weekend. Then I politely ended the convo and told her to have a great day.

And then she texted me again.

She asked if I'd be open to having a face to face conversation this weekend about "some things". She said she still wants to bring a friend with her, just to feel more comfortable.

I agreed to talk to her in person, provided the friend is neutral and we can agree on a neutral location.

As long as the topic is S and his well-being, I'm game. I don't really want to talk about anything else with her right now.

She said that she would figure out a time and place, and let me know tomorrow.

I'm okay with this, provided it's in the best interests of S. I have determined that I'm not interested in playing any games with her. I have stopped talking to her family about the sitch. I don't even talk to mine. I do have a couple of my friends that I know I can vent to, but I have not really needed that very much lately. Every day gets a little bit easier for me, although I still have my hiccups. I know that following the DB plan seems to be, if nothing else, helping me deal with things in a more rational way, giving me space to heal, and to focus on myself and S's needs. And that's a great thing. Even if this doesn't work out. Realistically, it's pretty much done as far as I can tell. And I've come to terms with that.

Meanwhile, I took some of the advice from the board and actually started researching the "healthy male dominance" thing. I'm definitely a work in progress, but I'm also definitely working on that. It's made me consider a lot of aspects of myself that had been lacking. I wasn't always too far off the mark, but at least I have an idea of what I'm doing now.

I'm taking stock of myself. I'm working to be the grown man that I need to be. I'm working to be the dad that my S needs me to be. And with or without W, I will be far better for it.

Anyway, that's my update. Hope you are all doing well!

[Vanilla]

I would set your boundary on a meeting. What are the 'thing's? I would want to know in advance.

Also ask who the 'friend's is and reserve the right to have one of your own.

Also record if you don't.

Neutral ground please not your home or W.

V

[blakmac]

The topics are going to be the D and our taxes. Her friend is someone I'm okay with, but I may try to bring one of my own either way. I am planning on recording it, either way, and we're meeting at a restaurant.

I speculate she wants to talk about the D because she's going to want to request a court date and try to get it over with, but I can't be certain about that. Honestly, I have no idea what it is she wants to discuss about it. Honestly, it's just really weird to me that she wants to talk face to face at all about anything.

As for me, I don't really want to talk about the details of the D yet. There are some things that would be better discussed in mediation at this point. So, I'm reserving the right to walk away from the conversation if we start getting into territory that I'm not comfortable with.

I'm really feeling a lot of anxiety about the whole thing. I have been so busy with my own life that I haven't wanted to talk to her about stuff yet. I'm still too torn up about the split in the first place, so I've just been staying busy and not reaching out to her, and only responding when she contacts me.

I'm not sure what's up. She went from not wanting to talk to me in any way, shape, or form to wanting to have a sit down discussion. She even approached it by asking if I would be comfortable meeting with her...which seemed weird in a way, but then it also feels like shifting it onto me to make the decision.

I have no idea what to think about this whole thing. I'm sure she probably just wants to talk about setting a court date. At least, that's what I'm telling myself.

[blakmac]

I think I know the answers, but I'd like to ask: how should I handle this meeting? I think I'm just wanting some reassurance, because I'm pretty nervous about the whole thing.

I'm almost positive she wants to talk about setting court dates, trying to agree to things...I'd rather do this stuff with an attorney.

I am concerned that I'll end up being emotionally overwhelmed at some point. I've been staying busy today, and generally feeling pretty positive about it all...either way, I'm going to be okay.

But in a situation like this...what would some of you more experienced folks do?

How would you handle a face-to-face discussion with your WW that keeps things going in your favor? Any mindset tips would be helpful. I'm meeting her in 2.5 hours.