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Re: Meanwhile 12 Years Later [Re: DonH] #2800782
07/11/18 12:25 PM
07/11/18 12:25 PM
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Dawgs Offline
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Quote:
I'm watching even more, thanks to you guys. Right now I just more see it as yet another item we are not compatible on.


Holy crap. Really?


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Re: Meanwhile 12 Years Later [Re: DonH] #2800860
07/12/18 01:49 PM
07/12/18 01:49 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
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Dawn70 Offline
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Originally Posted by DonH


Now... I really feel,I need to be fully clear here - if nothing else in fairness to WG. I NEVER said 10 beers in 6 hours. Where did that even come from? She got to my house at about 11:00 AM and we left right away for the ballpark. We went to bed after midnight. So we are talking over 12 hours here - more than double what everyone else is thinking. I also did not count. That might be weird on my part to count her drinks. So it might have been 8 in 12 hours. Of course it could have been 12 for all I know??? I'm just not that sure. I'm guessing at 10 beers in 12 hours. She also said she cannot do this with IPA and other "real" beers, which is why i did not see this before when she out drank me by 2 or 3 to 1. The thing is, EVERYONE out drinks me by at least 2:1. EVERYONE - unless they don't drink - which is me 80% of the time. She had 3 or 4 from about 2-7ish on Monday. I had nothing.


Don,
I can't speak for anyone but myself here but I ASSUMED 10 beers in roughly 6 hours based on your original post where you said she downed maybe 10 beers after the game and into the evening. Now granted, that wasn't a specific time frame, but in my mind, based on what you posted, she started drinking her beers around 4:00 or 5:00 (after the game was over) and continued to the end of the evening which again IN MY MIND (because I'm an old lady who values her sleep time and I'm NOT a night owl) was somewhere around 11:00, so in my mind, based on your post, that equated to around 6 or 7 hours of drinking time. Totally my own math, based on your post, but neither supported nor proven by actual factual numbers you posted, so you can (hopefully) see where there might be some confusion. Yes, you plainly stated she arrived earlier in the day, but you also plainly stated in the original post the drinking of the beers started AFTER the game, so maybe that is where folks are getting their time frame from.

Originally Posted by DonH

My eyes are wide open to it all. Still, it's only been a month. She's got plans for the next week nearly. More than anything I want to make sure I don't lead her on. I may have been dong that more than I've realized. I do not at all want to hurt her. She constantly says we are just hanging out - not even dating. Just two consenting adults, I'm way outside her normal box, she trusted me enough to end her 8 months of no sex, etc. which if is all true, I'm very good with. I even thought/think I could be her rebound from the guy she's know for near 15 years and she did really love. I just wonder if she's being honest about her feelings for me. There is more to play out. As I've been saying... To be continued. smile


Oh Don, Don, Don...........absolutely your eyes should be open to whatever red flags you see. I would never suggest otherwise. But, if I have learned anything from these boards, it is that sometimes red flags are seen where there are none and sometimes no red flags are seen when there are HUGE ones waving. You say you don't want to lead her on, you aren't compatible, it is just about having fun (all paraphrasing what you have said, mind you....not directly quoting you), so why not just let it be and have fun? You seem to have made it clear what your intentions are and she seems to have fairly clear intentions as well since she doesn't even want to call what you are doing "dating", so why not just go with the flow? Who cares if you are way outside of her norm? Go with it! There must be something about you she likes or she wouldn't keep coming back. And, there is something about her that keeps you going back. I guess my point here is, unless her drinking makes you extremely uncomfortable, why let that one difference be the end of something you are both, seemingly, enjoying?

I read with interest all the drinking comments. I'm not a huge drinker. And, I have stated plainly before, I'm a big girl. Some on here have seen pictures and can verify that. So, 10 beers in 6 hours would have me pretty lit. I'm not a Busch Light girl...Coors Light is my drink of choice...but almost all domestic beers have an alcohol content somewhere around 5% (unless you buy that crappy Oklahoma made beer which is around 3%....no offense to any Okies on the board). When Sparky and I went with friends to see Def Leppard, I drank one mixed drink and had a shot of whiskey (which was poured a little heavy handed so it was really almost 2 shots, but still....a mixed drink and a shot) and I was feeling a little buzz, so I really can't put a lot away, despite my size. I've always been a fairly light-weight drinker. You say you are not a big drinker either and that is fine. She seems to have a good tolerance, based on what you said, so maybe that is something that she's enjoyed throughout her life. If it is a deal breaker that she does drink more heavily, then let her know. You say you don't want to lead her on, so if the drinking is something you can't accept then tell her. It is what it is.


Me 48, XH 50
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: Meanwhile 12 Years Later [Re: DonH] #2800881
07/12/18 02:38 PM
07/12/18 02:38 PM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,278
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I really do appreciate the fact you're sittin' here
Your voice sounds so wonderful
But yer face don't look too clear
So bar maid bring a pitcher, another round o' brew
Honey, why don't we get drunk and screw


Re: Meanwhile 12 Years Later [Re: DonH] #2800889
07/12/18 03:20 PM
07/12/18 03:20 PM
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(her response)

Don, I love you so, I always will
I look at you and see the passion eyes of May (eyes of May)
Oh, but am I ever gonna see my wedding day (wedding day)
I was on your side, Don, when you were losing
I'd never scheme or lie, Don, there's been no fooling
But kisses and love won't carry me till you marry me Don

I love you so, I always will
And in your voice I hear a choir of carousels (carousels)
Oh, but am I ever gonna hear my wedding bells (wedding bells)
I was the one who came running when you were lonely
I haven't lived one day not loving you only
But kisses and love won't carry me till you marry me Don

I love you so, I always will
And, though devotion rules my heart, I take no bows
Oh, but Don you're never gonna take those wedding vows (wedding vows)
Oh, come on Don (come on Don)
Oh, come on Don (come on Don)

Come on and marry me, Don
I got the wedding bell blues
Please marry me, Don
I got the wedding bell blues
Wedding bell blues
Wedding bell blues

Yeah, yeah, marry me, Don
I got the wedding bell blues

Re: Meanwhile 12 Years Later [Re: doodler] #2800890
07/12/18 03:22 PM
07/12/18 03:22 PM
Joined: Mar 2015
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Dawgs Offline
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Holy hell that was the best thing I've read lol


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Re: Meanwhile 12 Years Later [Re: doodler] #2800905
07/12/18 04:36 PM
07/12/18 04:36 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,294
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Dawn70 Offline
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Originally Posted by doodler



I really do appreciate the fact you're sittin' here
Your voice sounds so wonderful
But yer face don't look too clear
So bar maid bring a pitcher, another round o' brew
Honey, why don't we get drunk and screw



Who doesn't love a little Jimmy Buffett?????? wink


Me 48, XH 50
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: Meanwhile 12 Years Later [Re: Dawn70] #2800907
07/12/18 04:40 PM
07/12/18 04:40 PM
Joined: Mar 2015
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Dawgs Offline
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Originally Posted by Dawn70
Originally Posted by doodler



I really do appreciate the fact you're sittin' here
Your voice sounds so wonderful
But yer face don't look too clear
So bar maid bring a pitcher, another round o' brew
Honey, why don't we get drunk and screw



Who doesn't love a little Jimmy Buffett?????? wink


The doodler version about king is much better...


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Re: Meanwhile 12 Years Later [Re: Dawgs] #2800927
07/12/18 05:27 PM
07/12/18 05:27 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,134
Midwest
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DonH Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Dawgs
Quote
I'm watching even more, thanks to you guys. Right now I just more see it as yet another item we are not compatible on.


Holy crap. Really?



Yes Jeep - REALLY! I have my eyes open to all sorts of things. I am in a band with and work for (he leads the band) someone who is clearly an alcoholic - functioning or whatever but meets the clinical diagnosis without any doubts. I don't drink much at all. I don't have a high tolerance for drunk people. I'm not a red neck party, let's get drunk guy. Just am not. Now, all of that said, Wild Girl has been tipsy and effected by ETOH with me but never in a negative way. She is, from what I can tell so far, the same person drinking as she is sober. She has a huge heart either way. Perhaps what I like most about this topic with her, is she has yet to give me ANY shlt about not drinking much. I get it all of the time from everyone. It's a running joke. I've had people rush to get a picture of me because I'm holding a beer. It really doesn't bother me at all, but does get old. Still WG, seems to care less - and I like that. But, still, I'd be a fool not to keep an eye on this.

Quote
There must be something about you she likes or she wouldn't keep coming back. And, there is something about her that keeps you going back. I guess my point here is, unless her drinking makes you extremely uncomfortable, why let that one difference be the end of something you are both, seemingly, enjoying?


I said I'd talk about the other aspects of this in a future post. I guess this is that "future post". So, while I very much speak my mind and often say the things that everyone else is thinking but afraid to say, I also don't ever want to hurt anyone. In Wild Girl's case, I know she's been hurt enough in her life and I don't at all want to add to that. Plus, I know her parents - longer than I've known her. I've known her aunt for 25+ years and was even somewhat shocked to have Wild Girl tell me stories her aunt told her about me from years ago. Stories about her now late husband and daughter being at my house - which I don't at all remember - yet they do. I don't want to be a jerk here. They think very, very highly of me and I don't want that to change. Plus, it's who I am - I don't want to change.

It's not my job to look out for WG's feelings. I am being very honest with her but we also kid a lot. I know when she says that we are not dating we are only hanging out that's near 75% joking around on her part. She know's darn well we are dating. The thing is, I'll just read or hear things that give me pause. For example, KML wrote to Ginger about G not wanting to find a love avoidant that sweeps her off her feet. Ughhhhh, that one hit me. Am I that guy with Wild Girl? I certainly don't want to be yet she's told me more than once that I've complimented her more than any other guy she's known. Then there was this statement a few days ago. I know I have to and am considering the source - a 15 year old girl (WG's daughter) - but still, it hit me. Her girls have known who I am for several years and met me a year ago. Other than that first time together with her family a little over a month ago now, I've not seen or been with the girls. Typically I am very, very careful about getting involved with children of those I date as I don't ever want them to get attached to me and then I go away. It's just something I'm very strong about. In this case, it really could not be helped and at 15 and 17 it's a little bit different than say 5 and 7 - actually a lot different. They have both taken the phone and talked with me for a minute as they walk through the room if I'm on the phone with her, but we've not done anything together as a group. Anyhow, getting to my point, after this weekend, her 15 yr/o made the comment to her mom, "you're not going to move in with Don are you?" OMG - again it's a 15 year old who has never seen her mom stay over at a guys house (she tells them she stays in my guest room and it's due to the 70 minute drive, but they are not stupid). Wild Girl may be wild but she has been very careful about that sort of thing and really seems to have "hung out" way more than "dated". Still, through this kid's eyes, things appear serious. Now, I know that is not even a consideration for WG. It just again made me take notice how others may be seeing this. And it's only been a month. Let's just say it really caught my attention.

I'm not looking to end anything Dawn. But if I have to be honest, really, really honest, this is just two people at the right point in time having fun with each other. I just don't see it as anything else. So long as WG honestly, really, truly does as well, I'm totally fine with it all. I just have this fear of down the road being accused of leading her on, sweeping her off her feet and just using her for sex. That is so not me and I don't want it to be this time either. I'm still friends with other women I've been in this space with and totally want that with WG regardless of the outcome. Now, let's add the cruise to this - can you imagine if I ask her to go with me? How will anyone else view this other than it's an R? And I really don't care what they think - but I do strongly believe in "perception is reality."

Is that making a bit more sense? I'm really enjoying this and I'm pretty sure she is too. Maybe I'm wrong and she will tell me next week she doesn't want to hang out anymore or met someone else or whatever. I just don't think that's going to happen. She was at a local county fair tractor pulls (she's an ex farm girl remember) last night and I had no intention to contact her - just let her be. Of course I get a text around bedtime. We've pretty much had some level of contact everyday for the past several weeks now. That's beyond hanging out if you ask me.

So.... I really am just trying to enjoy it all - and think I'm doing a pretty good job for the most part. But I am who I am, and thinking and planning is part of who I am. Being completely honest is also. And even though it may not appear as such, I also don't ever want to hurt anyone - including myself. smile So we'll just see where things go. Her days off are Sunday and Monday and at least my Sunday's start to get booked up pretty soon here. She also has lots of family plans. In fact, I'd take her on a band trip next month that would be such a fun paid weekend getaway but she will be with her family on vacation. So we just find time where we find time. Thing is, we've been finding a lot of time lately. smile


DonH
Midwest
Me 55
WAW-EXW 54
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
3 actual GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: Meanwhile 12 Years Later [Re: DonH] #2800941
07/12/18 06:01 PM
07/12/18 06:01 PM
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,915
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Dawgs Offline
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Quote
Yes Jeep - REALLY!


Tsk tsk tsk. Try harder.

Quote
I have my eyes open to all sorts of things. I am in a band


Yes. We know.


This:
Quote
I'm watching even more, thanks to you guys.


We really need a shaking head gif for this one.

Quote
Right now I just more see it as yet another item we are not compatible on.


Screams built in excuse.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Re: Meanwhile 12 Years Later [Re: DonH] #2801546
07/16/18 06:26 PM
07/16/18 06:26 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,134
Midwest
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DonH Offline OP
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DonH  Offline OP
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I'm actually able to do a Monday update on Monday this time. Have not seen Wild Girl since our last 35 hour or so date that ended a week ago. She's had a tradition with family and friends of going to their county fair which was much of this past week and ended yesterday. It's a real red neck affair (from my point of view) but with her growing up on a farm, it somewhat fits and she has a blast so really no judgement from me. Tractor pulls, truck pulls, demo derby's, etc., is just not my type of thing. I've been to them and it's actually fun to do once and a while but meh, I can take it or leave it and was fine to leave it. She didn't ask though so it's not like I turned her down.

I didn't really get much of a chance to talk to her this week. We had some texts here and there and I was actually starting to think she might be losing interest. I didn't overthink it and just went on with my business. We ended up talking on the phone Friday night for over an hour - which as is usual felt like about 10 or 15 minutes. I saw the son of a friend of mine on Saturday. I finally put two and two together and he seems to be interested in WG's daughter. He's a great kid and actually from what I can tell, so is she. Only problem, as I told him, is she has a BF. All of this brought up some talk about WG and me. Of course my friends think things are farther along than they are - or should be. Whatever. I go at my own pace - which most of you know is slow and steady.

A few more texts on Saturday and I had offered to come out and meet her on Sunday or she could come out by me but she passed. Hmmmmm. So I decided I was just going to let her come to me. And of course she did. I don't want that to sound cocky - much more pointing out that I didn't chase and see what happened? The tone of her texts had been distant, somewhat short but on the phone things were totally normal. Texts were short then again until Sunday night when she tells me she's skinny dipping with her BFF at her pool. I've not named her Wild Girl for nothing. LOL. She then says that they've been talking about me a lot. Her BFF appears to really like me as do her family and daughters. Seems like the age difference is continuing to bother her while her BFF and others are telling her it should not. They seem to care less. Many of the people she hangs out with are her age or younger. I can't help but think she was a bit embarrassed to have some old guy - 55 - come hang out with them. I might be wrong, but I really do wonder.

On the very positive side, rather than bottle all of this up and keep it to herself, she decided to tell me what she is feeling. I think that's great. I validated in part by saying, I fully understand - especially since her last BF was like 35 so I'm 20 years the other direction. Clearly her friends are helping her. It really can't be denied though - we are in many ways two different people, almost of two different generations - but not quite. I guess 13 years is not two different generations but I was graduating high school when she was in kindergarten. She said she doesn't want the age gap to bother her but it still does - just less and less over time. I'm totally fine with that. I told her that perhaps she's been dating boys and now she's dating a man. She very much agreed. I just have to wonder if her comfort zone is not boys rather than men?

I think I'll see her and might even get to see her house this Thursday. That too is a big deal she tells me as she rarely has guys over to her house. Not sure if I'll get to see her next weekend and for sure I can't the following weekend so I'm going to try to get back home by Sunday afternoon so maybe we can do something again, which will likely have me giving my Monday update on Tuesday again next week. smile

I've still not asked her to go on the cruise. I know I probably should but dang that's still 6 months from now. I don't want it putting pressure on either of us. I don't want to get to September or October and think "OMG what the heck have I done!!!" I'll see one of the guys running this next weekend and will see if he gives me a deadline or says time is up, give me her name and info. I'm nearly positive we'll talk tonight. She's had nearly two weeks of fun including days off but that ends with quite a bit of work until she has a week of vacation in about a month. She will be with family the same time I'm doing an awesome extended weekend in Michigan that I'd love to take her on. Very expensive hotel for three nights, fun festival, good food, etc., and of course it's all paid for. It would be the perfect trial for the cruise. Sadly she will be with her parents, her daughters, etc. and that is more important - especially with a 17 year old in the mix - than the trip I'm going on. I did ask and she was even torn a bit but I encouraged her to stick with the family plans - which is yet another reason she says she likes me - because I care about more than just me or her, ask about her family, work, etc. I really hope I get to meet one of these duchebags as she calls them that she has dated. Sounds like it might be a fascinating meet and greet. LOL

So I'm perhaps a step lower on the interest meter but still pretty much up there. I'm actually in some ways glad we did not see each other this weekend as I think it's serving to build interest and attraction for the next time.


DonH
Midwest
Me 55
WAW-EXW 54
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
3 actual GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
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