Advice Needed To Deal With WW - Part 2

[Bewas]

Regarding the house rental situation.
You set your boundary and told her about it. Stick to it.

In regards to everything else, Stop looking. Stop snooping. It only hurts, it doesnt help, and makes you seem weak when you (and you will eventually TRUST ME) bring up something and confront her about a social media post.
this well be translated to "OMG look how hes is stalking me and keeping tabs on me CREEPY!!" when she smears you to her friends.

Do yourself a favor, dont go on her IG, Snapchat, FB, Pinterest or anything else.
Nothing but pain comes of it, i have broken this rule several times and paid dearly for it.

I still have the illicit photos and videos WIFE had been sending to people in the past. I have kept them as a back-pocket thing in case i ever need proof of infidelity, but knowing they are there to look at gets very hard sometimes.
I gave the flashdrive containing them to my Sister in law for safe keeping, so i wouldnt be tempted.

Best advice, just stay the hell away from all of it.
Its snooping and pursuit. Refer back to Sandi's 37 Rules.
youre just hurting yourself bro.

This is yet again, great advice. I'm not actually so much concerned with looking at her stuff anymore as I had been. Just more curious as to the reason she would have blocked me all of the sudden. Can't figure out if it's to keep me from seeing her stuff or to keep her from seeing my stuff as I've been GAL lately? I suppose it could be both.

I want to ask her why but I won't as that wold just make me seem weak as you've said.

[Bewas]

So I've been thinking,

She is fast running out of support from anyone in her life who truly matters. She's pushed almost her entire family away and she doesn't have much contact with her old friends anymore.

About the only people in her life nowadays are her new "friends". I know for a fact that I'm dragged through the mud to them and of course they are going to validate her in those opinions.

I guess what I'm wondering is, at the end of the day, how important of a factor is that going to be? If she does end up cracking at some point, will she see them for what they really are? Especially if she starts maybe not seeing me as the absolute enemy anymore?

I know there isn't anything I can do about, just wondering how it's gone in some other situations for you guys in regards to this.

Thanks!

[Bewas]

So I've been thinking,

She is fast running out of support from anyone in her life who truly matters. She's pushed almost her entire family away and she doesn't have much contact with her old friends anymore.

About the only people in her life nowadays are her new "friends". I know for a fact that I'm dragged through the mud to them and of course they are going to validate her in those opinions.

I guess what I'm wondering is, at the end of the day, how important of a factor is that going to be? If she does end up cracking at some point, will she see them for what they really are? Especially if she starts maybe not seeing me as the absolute enemy anymore?

I know there isn't anything I can do about, just wondering how it's gone in some other situations for you guys in regards to this.

Thanks!

In addition to this question, I have another to add.

I've been very stern with her lately, very matter of fact. I've have been using words in our discussions like "I don't care, it's your problem to deal with now, not mine". I'm not angry when I'm talking, but is that a good choice of words to say "I don't care"? Should I be using alternate wording?

[joejoe1]

You are correct using "i don't care", isnt the best choice of words.

From now on validate her and say something like, I understand how that might make you feel and repeat the feeling she expresses. If she say mad, sad, angry, upset, tired, just repeat. And leave it at that. You are showing you understand as well as not showing the negative of not caring. Validating is not agreeing, it's just understanding.

And yes, check up on your son. Children are outside of DBing. Knowing hownis doing is a must.

And as for as her new friends, let her go with them, when Sh!t hit the fan let's see if those friends will still be there. When she need them, lets see who she reaches out too. Let her go. It's her LIFE and her CHOICES, allow her to deal with both without you getting in her way.

[Bewas]

You are correct using "i don't care", isnt the best choice of words.

From now on validate her and say something like, I understand how that might make you feel and repeat the feeling she expresses. If she say mad, sad, angry, upset, tired, just repeat. And leave it at that. You are showing you understand as well as not showing the negative of not caring. Validating is not agreeing, it's just understanding.

And yes, check up on your son. Children are outside of DBing. Knowing hownis doing is a must.

And as for as her new friends, let her go with them, when Sh!t hit the fan let's see if those friends will still be there. When she need them, lets see who she reaches out too. Let her go. It's her LIFE and her CHOICES, allow her to deal with both without you getting in her way.

I guess there is still so much I need to learn. The form of validation you laid out is something I read about earlier but forgot I guess. I think that would work so much better than saying "I don't care" while still holding my ground and keeping my boundary.

So I guess I'll send her a quick text in the next few days just asking how our son is doing. I really do want to know he is ok.

I do completely agree about her friends not really being there for her when she will truly need them. I see them as just using her anyways.

Thanks for the advice!

[STH17]

This is yet again, great advice. I'm not actually so much concerned with looking at her stuff anymore as I had been. Just more curious as to the reason she would have blocked me all of the sudden. Can't figure out if it's to keep me from seeing her stuff or to keep her from seeing my stuff as I've been GAL lately? I suppose it could be both.

I want to ask her why but I won't as that wold just make me seem weak as you've said.

I think the simple answer and all you really need to know right now is that she blocked you because she wanted to block you. I snoozed my wife and a couple of her friends on FB a couple weeks ago. It has helped me not worry so much about her. Your W made a choice to block you. You don't have to make the same choice. You don't have to let her choices influence any that you make for yourself. How will you choose to live your life and grow to be the man you want to be?

[Bewas]

This is yet again, great advice. I'm not actually so much concerned with looking at her stuff anymore as I had been. Just more curious as to the reason she would have blocked me all of the sudden. Can't figure out if it's to keep me from seeing her stuff or to keep her from seeing my stuff as I've been GAL lately? I suppose it could be both.

I want to ask her why but I won't as that wold just make me seem weak as you've said.

I think the simple answer and all you really need to know right now is that she blocked you because she wanted to block you. I snoozed my wife and a couple of her friends on FB a couple weeks ago. It has helped me not worry so much about her. Your W made a choice to block you. You don't have to make the same choice. You don't have to let her choices influence any that you make for yourself. How will you choose to live your life and grow to be the man you want to be?

Well I suppose that is definitely the simplest answer. Of course she did it because she wanted to. I guess I'm just trying to delve into her mind a little too much at times. A lot of the things she does make no sense most of the time. She's apparently also blocked one of her brothers as well. Oh well.

[Maika]

You're trying to speculate and mind-read and you're not going to get an answer without asking her straight up. So, let it go. Take the simple answer and leave it at that. Trying to mind read and obsess over such stuff is not going to get you anywhere.

[SteveLW]

This is yet again, great advice. I'm not actually so much concerned with looking at her stuff anymore as I had been. Just more curious as to the reason she would have blocked me all of the sudden. Can't figure out if it's to keep me from seeing her stuff or to keep her from seeing my stuff as I've been GAL lately? I suppose it could be both.

I want to ask her why but I won't as that wold just make me seem weak as you've said.

I think the simple answer and all you really need to know right now is that she blocked you because she wanted to block you. I snoozed my wife and a couple of her friends on FB a couple weeks ago. It has helped me not worry so much about her. Your W made a choice to block you. You don't have to make the same choice. You don't have to let her choices influence any that you make for yourself. How will you choose to live your life and grow to be the man you want to be?

Well I suppose that is definitely the simplest answer. Of course she did it because she wanted to. I guess I'm just trying to delve into her mind a little too much at times. A lot of the things she does make no sense most of the time. She's apparently also blocked one of her brothers as well. Oh well.

When my niece left her husband, she blocked a lot of people on FB. I am not on FB but apparently there is a way to "block" people where they don't know they've been blocked or something? You don't see their updates or something. IDK, but she did this because there were people in her life on FB that wouldn't just blindly accept what she was doing. WAWs want acceptance and enablement, and cut out anyone from their life that doesn't provide that.

[Bewas]

You're trying to speculate and mind-read and you're not going to get an answer without asking her straight up. So, let it go. Take the simple answer and leave it at that. Trying to mind read and obsess over such stuff is not going to get you anywhere.

I know, you are correct. I wasn't planning on bringing it up or asking her anyways.