My suggestion. STOP READING INTO THE RULES THINGS YOU WANT TO BE THERE!
She won't believe you have REALLY moved on unless she believes you have 100% moved on! This is a ridiculous question.
"Does my W believe I really love her if I only love her 80%?"
"Am I still a man if I am only a man 90%?"
"Will my WAW comeback if she thinks I've only moved on 75%?"
LOL
This is what I understand from Moving ON - Ability to carry on with One's life with or without WAW. So when I move ON, either I can proceed single or I can go on and start dating someone else. If my wife sees that I have started dating someone else, it is a good sign for her to cut me off from her life. Mine is a "loss of love" situation. This is what she will be thinking in her mind -" I was either ways unattractive to my spouse, he chose his new life partner. This affirms my decision."
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
Ok, literally every time i have offered advice or opinions you flat out dismiss them, without even attempting to engage in a meaningful back and forth dialogue. Best of luck NC.
Orange K - lol! I like your fervor. I have posted some thoughts on one of the rules above. Not shutting down anyone. Feel free to give your thoughts. Stand in mine or Wyoung shoes and view our situation from our perspective.
^^^ this proves you havent read mine hahaha.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Ok, literally every time i have offered advice or opinions you flat out dismiss them, without even attempting to engage in a meaningful back and forth dialogue. Best of luck NC.
Orange K - lol! I like your fervor. I have posted some thoughts on one of the rules above. Not shutting down anyone. Feel free to give your thoughts. Stand in mine or Wyoung shoes and view our situation from our perspective.
^^^ this proves you havent read mine hahaha.
OrangeK - I have read your stitch. However, I strongly beleive your wife's mental situation and influence from MIL is making things worse in your situation. Well In fact i was in a similar situation, however, My In laws are still in favor of marraige although with apprehension. My wife is the culprit here. But that is what I have to live with.
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
My suggestion. STOP READING INTO THE RULES THINGS YOU WANT TO BE THERE!
She won't believe you have REALLY moved on unless she believes you have 100% moved on! This is a ridiculous question.
"Does my W believe I really love her if I only love her 80%?"
"Am I still a man if I am only a man 90%?"
"Will my WAW comeback if she thinks I've only moved on 75%?"
LOL
This is what I understand from Moving ON - Ability to carry on with One's life with or without WAW. So when I move ON, either I can proceed single or I can go on and start dating someone else. If my wife sees that I have started dating someone else, it is a good sign for her to cut me off from her life. Mine is a "loss of love" situation. This is what she will be thinking in her mind -" I was either ways unattractive to my spouse, he chose his new life partner. This affirms my decision."
Your sitch is no different than anyone else's. You are splitting hairs with this "love loss" and "WAW vs WW" garbage. But you will continue to go down that path.
Please for the sake of others' and their sitch, please keep these anti-DBing theories confined to your own thread. The recipe for every sitch is still:
GAL, 180, detachment, and being the best you can be.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
My suggestion. STOP READING INTO THE RULES THINGS YOU WANT TO BE THERE!
She won't believe you have REALLY moved on unless she believes you have 100% moved on! This is a ridiculous question.
"Does my W believe I really love her if I only love her 80%?"
"Am I still a man if I am only a man 90%?"
"Will my WAW comeback if she thinks I've only moved on 75%?"
LOL
This is what I understand from Moving ON - Ability to carry on with One's life with or without WAW. So when I move ON, either I can proceed single or I can go on and start dating someone else. If my wife sees that I have started dating someone else, it is a good sign for her to cut me off from her life. Mine is a "loss of love" situation. This is what she will be thinking in her mind -" I was either ways unattractive to my spouse, he chose his new life partner. This affirms my decision."
Your sitch is no different than anyone else's. You are splitting hairs with this "love loss" and "WAW vs WW" garbage. But you will continue to go down that path.
Please for the sake of others' and their sitch, please keep these anti-DBing theories confined to your own thread. The recipe for every sitch is still:
GAL, 180, detachment, and being the best you can be.
Don't call any of my above points as Anti- DBing. If you want to have a constructive feedback, go ahead. Else Agree to disagree. And I am pretty sure, If you say WAW is same as WW, your concept is garbage. Ya i could have a lot of similarities to other situations, but sometimes, you need to incorporate certain LLs depending on what your spouse admires to. If its done in a consistent way, it may work. Again there is no straightforward approach anyways. You also agree DBing is also a 50-50 possibility.
GAL, 180 detachment are the things I am doing as well. And I am not against it!
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
Wow, you really read your own understanding into a lot of things Nutcrac. This will be my last post in your thread:
I never said there was no difference between WAWs and WWs. Just that you still cannot pursue or pressure either one, and you need to focus on detachment, GAL, and 180s.
And for the 6th time, showing up are her place with sweets, when she clearly doesn't want you there is NOT GALing, 180ing nor DETACHMENT.
DBing is 50/50. Anti-DBing is 99% to fail. I truly hope for your sake that you are in the 1%. Good luck my friend.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Nut - if you pursue and give sweets or whatever to a spouse that wants nothing to do with you it will make you look weak and pathetic. Why would you want to do this for someone that has made it clear that they want nothing to do with you?
Don t call any of my above points as Anti DBing. If you want to have a constructive feedback, go ahead. Else Agree to disagree. And I am pretty sure, If you say WAW is same as WW, your concept is garbage. Ya i could have a lot of similarities to other situations, but sometimes, you need to incorporate certain LLs depending on what your spouse admires to. If its done in a consistent way, it may work. Again there is no straightforward approach anyways. You also agree DBing is also a 50/50 possibility.
NC, I think you need to take a step back and ask yourself what you want from these forums. You are VERY hard-headed. You have your own notions of what you think will work in your particular sitch, and when people point out your notions are at odds with DB ing (which they are I assure you) you get extremely offended and defensive and go on the attack. I suspect this attitude may be a huge part of why you ended up here to begin with and it is something you should really consider doing a 180 on.
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand they listen with the intent to reply. Stephen R. Covey.
This is you. READ TO UNDERSTAND, NOT TO REPLY.
Last edited by Cadet; 07/03/1801:26 AM. Reason: restored post
For the Nth time. Don't keep bringing out the sweets thing. Its a normal tradition for anyone to visit to take something as a gift to their home. Rejecting what i got is nothing. LEAVE IT AT THAT!!! I am not constantly talking to her and chatting with her like love birds. Keeping in touch with her once in a while. Not pursuing or anything. I am minding my own business. If she wants to respond, she can, if she doesn't want to respond, fine by me too. THAT IS DETACHMENT! And going DARK is not. That is what I learnt. In fact I will give you another update. You guys can lash out more if you want, call me hard-headed and stuff and keep criticizing me. So this is what happened - I went to her place (She stays an hour away now) and knocked at her door thrice. I was confident in my tone and stood like a pillar (Not a weak pillar like you guys keep telling me) She did not open the door for 5 min. After 5 min she opened the door. I patiently stood there. (Yes she wanted me to go away)
Her: She said the same things, at this time we cannot be discussing anything related to divorce. And you cannot be coming like this uninformed. Our relationship is over.
Me: "I did not come here to discuss anything. I just wanted to take a casual walk with you."
Her: "NO I don't want to take a casual walk with anyone".
Me: "Fair enough, I respect your feelings. I will be waiting down for some more time. If you are interested let me know. If not thats ok and I will leave".
Her: No I clearly don't want to take a walk with you at this time.
I bid her bye. She closed the door and I was walking away. While I was walking away, she opened the door again.
Her: "If you have anything to discuss you can come inside and talk about it.
Me: I have nothing to discuss. Just came here to take a small walk with you outside. Nothing to discuss about the relationship.
For- "I have not taken the decision yet on extending the dissolution date. I need to discuss with my lawyer and get back to you on that by Tuesday."
Me: I know that you will get back to me on that. I did not come here to discuss that issue with you. I just came here to take a short walk with you outside
Her: I am still not interested. Bye
I left and within 5 minutes left that place. While I was driving, I got a call from her -
Her: (In a heated tone) You should not be coming here like this uninformed. It makes me feel difficult. I was tired and didn't feel like coming out for a walk. And moreover I have to get up early morning.
Me: I understand. Either ways the weather was also very hot when i was out (It was late evening). And its good in a way i guess. That's ok
Her: I don't think the walk and all is something that I wish to do at this stage. Yes this was something I was expecting to do with you long ago. But it is too late.
Me: Its upto you. I understand.
Her: You need to know this is not the time to discuss anything other than divorce. At this time we should not be meeting like this.
Didn't say anything.
Her: I feel bad every time you come here uninformed, If I have to send you out like this, I cannot feel good about it. Hope you understand.
Me: I understand, Its upto you on what you want to do.
Her: Please don't try to meet me like this without informing. Its hard for me.
Didn't say anything.
Her: Take Care. Bye.
Hung up the phone. I drove back to my place. No Hard feelings. Totally fine and didn't take anything that happened to my heart or anything. Now you guys can start lashing me out again.
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
