Your actions betray your words about being strong and confident and you have nothing to lose. You're acting to her like you have everything to lose.
Also, I know about the anger part. This is the important part - there is NOTHING you can do about the anger. She has to process that and deal with that herself. All you can do is make it worse, but not better. The only way it gets better is if you get out of the way of the anger. She can project it as much as she wants, but if you let it off your back and disappear, then that anger has nowhere to go for her.
No matter what you try, if she's angry, it's not going to matter. It took my W almost a year to get out of her anger and rage, and she's still not out of it completely. I got out of her way. That's the only option.
You've gotten great advice here and you've ignored all of it. But, that's okay. The outcomes will speak for themselves when it comes around. And as I said, I hope you're right, but I will bet against your approach. All In with all chips.
So lets take this as a test and let me know what you think according to you would be the outcome? Do you think she will agree to stall for 2 more months? Or she will simply say no and convert it to a divorce process? My gut feeling is despite her hate towards me, she will choose the first option!
Yes she will stall hoping to get her dissolution. No she will not say no because she wants the easy way out (dissolution).
You are right in your prediction but not for reconciliation, but simply to eventually get what she wants.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Pursuing will not get you the results you seek. I can tell you that from Experience
OrangeK I have read your sticth. There are many similaraties between your W and mine in terms of behaviour especially Narcisism and BPD. However there is one major diff - Your wife is WW and mine is a WAW with broken heart. They are 2 different breeds. A WW is more cheating and a lot more manipulative compared to a WAW who is broken hearted. Anyways, I will wait for her response. She has too much anger in her. And she may slowly diffuse it hoping if I take things the right way. Lets see where it goes.
I do not think you know this for sure. There could be an OM. Your stubborn pride will probably say no way. But we've all thought that and have been wrong. Nutcrac most people do not move on from their MR unless they have a solid other option in place. Sorry to be blunt, but monkeys don't jump from the branch they are on unless they think there is a better branch to jump to.
So the jury is still out in your sitch on whether or not you W is a WW or not. And it is very dangerous to assume she isn't.
Again , this is your opinion. Yes i am stubborn. And i have said this earlier. She IS NOT seeing anyone. And for a millionth time this is true. If that was the case she could have told me so I could move on as well. When my friends went she discussed about moving on with her life as a single mother with an adopted child at her home country. I know her. (You may disagree and dismiss my opinion) but she is not seeing anyone. Infact sandi2 will affirm from my stitch that there is no other man involved.
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
So lets take this as a test and let me know what you think according to you would be the outcome? Do you think she will agree to stall for 2 more months? Or she will simply say no and convert it to a divorce process? My gut feeling is despite her hate towards me, she will choose the first option!
Yes she will stall hoping to get her dissolution. No she will not say no because she wants the easy way out (dissolution).
You are right in your prediction but not for reconciliation, but simply to eventually get what she wants.
So are you saying she is ready to stall and come back to the same options after 2 months. I may still have an option to extend this or convert to divorce. Why will she take more pain then what she currently has? That would be a dumb thing to do. The best option for her now is to convert this to divorce process if she really wants to get out easily !
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
So lets take this as a test and let me know what you think according to you would be the outcome? Do you think she will agree to stall for 2 more months? Or she will simply say no and convert it to a divorce process? My gut feeling is despite her hate towards me, she will choose the first option!
Yes she will stall hoping to get her dissolution. No she will not say no because she wants the easy way out (dissolution).
You are right in your prediction but not for reconciliation, but simply to eventually get what she wants.
So are you saying she is ready to stall and come back to the same options after 2 months. I may still have an option to extend this or convert to divorce. Why will she take more pain then what she currently has? That would be a dumb thing to do. The best option for her now is to convert this to divorce process if she really wants to get out easily !
Let me make it as easy for you as I can:
She wants dissolution because it is easier. She wants to avoid D for the reasons she gave you in your update. You said she has a choice: delay the dissolution for 2 months or D.
She said she'd consider the delay because: a) divorce proceedings will take 6 months+. b) Dissolution is her ultimate goal c) in the grand scheme of things 2 months isn't that long.
So yes, she is willing to wait 2 more months to avoid having to move for D. She is hoping the 2 months will cause you to NOT withdraw your consent.
Nutcrac, how are you not seeing this?! I'll say this, if she has an inclination that there is no way you will consent to dissolution after 2 months, then she WILL let it proceed to D. In fact, I dare you to tell her that in 2 months you will still be against dissolution. She will convert to D so fast your head will spin.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Your actions betray your words about being strong and confident and you have nothing to lose. You're acting to her like you have everything to lose.
Also, I know about the anger part. This is the important part - there is NOTHING you can do about the anger. She has to process that and deal with that herself. All you can do is make it worse, but not better. The only way it gets better is if you get out of the way of the anger. She can project it as much as she wants, but if you let it off your back and disappear, then that anger has nowhere to go for her.
No matter what you try, if she's angry, it's not going to matter. It took my W almost a year to get out of her anger and rage, and she's still not out of it completely. I got out of her way. That's the only option.
You've gotten great advice here and you've ignored all of it. But, that's okay. The outcomes will speak for themselves when it comes around. And as I said, I hope you're right, but I will bet against your approach. All In with all chips.
The problem here is my wife has a very low self esteem that she is not beautiful enough and she cannot attract me towards her. I did not act to her making her feel like i have everything to lose. Sorry! She clearly said last time when we spoke, she does not want to be married to me as she doesn't feel loved or being wanted by me. Hence this is an unconventional case, where she wants just the opposite. A feeling of being cared for and deserved. However her heard will not open up as she no longer trusts me.
Yes, the anger may never go away. In my wife's case i expect it to stay forever . Forget a year or even 10 years. The trust and her anger issues are what is stopping her to come to me.
And i think i have said it clear. You guys may all be right. Put all your chips in. Like the movie "Inception" the end outcome is not something that really matters to me now. I am strong enough to handle life by my own regardless of the outcome!
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
Nutcrac, how are you not seeing this?! I'll say this, if she has an inclination that there is no way you will consent to dissolution after 2 months, then she WILL let it proceed to D. In fact, I dare you to tell her that in 2 months you will still be against dissolution. She will convert to D so fast your head will spin.
Why could I create more anger to her by telling her this. In dissolution i did not contest her any money. I said the same thing will happen for divorce. I still don't want her money. I simply want both of us to be peaceful. and i will expect both to be happier and peaceful ultimately. I assured her the same. The is a promise of a person who is NOT SELFISH. rather a person who is ready to let go off his ailing spouse!
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
Your actions betray your words about being strong and confident and you have nothing to lose. You're acting to her like you have everything to lose.
Also, I know about the anger part. This is the important part - there is NOTHING you can do about the anger. She has to process that and deal with that herself. All you can do is make it worse, but not better. The only way it gets better is if you get out of the way of the anger. She can project it as much as she wants, but if you let it off your back and disappear, then that anger has nowhere to go for her.
No matter what you try, if she's angry, it's not going to matter. It took my W almost a year to get out of her anger and rage, and she's still not out of it completely. I got out of her way. That's the only option.
You've gotten great advice here and you've ignored all of it. But, that's okay. The outcomes will speak for themselves when it comes around. And as I said, I hope you're right, but I will bet against your approach. All In with all chips.
The problem here is my wife has a very low self esteem that she is not beautiful enough and she cannot attract me towards her. I did not act to her making her feel like i have everything to lose. Sorry! She clearly said last time when we spoke, she does not want to be married to me as she doesn't feel loved or being wanted by me. Hence this is an unconventional case, where she wants just the opposite. A feeling of being cared for and deserved. However her heard will not open up as she no longer trusts me.
Yes, the anger may never go away. In my wife's case i expect it to stay forever . Forget a year or even 10 years. The trust and her anger issues are what is stopping her to come to me.
And i think i have said it clear. You guys may all be right. Put all your chips in. Like the movie "Inception" the end outcome is not something that really matters to me now. I am strong enough to handle life by my own regardless of the outcome!
Nutcrac, WRONG WRONG WRONG! LOL This is a WAW trying to let you down easy. It is like the GF breaking up with the BF saying "it isn't you, its me!"
She is projecting. When a WAW says "he doesn't feel loved or being wanted by me" that means "I don't love you and I do not want you."
You are believing what she says and you can't do that!
On BD my W said things like "I don't think you love me." "I don't think you ever wanted to marry me." "I don't think you can take care of me." SO WRONG, your situation is not unique and you are deluding yourself telling yourself that.
I don't understand that if you expect her anger will never go away how pursuing her can change that. But whatever.
I hope you are right about being ready no matter the outcome. I don't believe you otherwise you'd be taking a different tact on this. But I've said my peace. More times than I should. I leave you to do what you want. I will bow out since you don't want to hear it anyway.
Peace, and I will pray for you and your sitch.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Again, for the last time since you don't want to hear it, the better option was just to remove your consent for dissolution and let her deal with it. Either she'd push forward with D, or she'd cancel everything hoping to convince you to dissolution at some point in the future.
Can I ask what nationality you are? Your English is unconventional. You also have a bit of a biased opinion of women. You keep talking about women being stubborn and prideful. Last I checked women didn't have a monopoly on that. In fact, you yourself are showing yourself to be very prideful and stubborn. Just saying.
Withdrawing consent without letting her know would have been the WORST option given the circumstances. It would prove to my wife I have something hidden sinister agendas and ultimately wanted to go for her money and all this dissolution was just an eye wash to her. Like I said the only way to withdraw consent is on the final hearing date in front of the magistrate. There is no formal paperwork that needs to be filed prior to that. By letting her know my decision in advance was based on my attorney's suggestions. So she could have had enough time to think about what she wants to do after discussing with her attorney. By letting her know about my decision, she was at least aware of the fact that she has 2 options, agree or disagree and would know the outcome in advance.
I don't want to point out my country but I am from South Asia . Yes you are right regarding my bias. Women from my country have a bit more stubborn pride and too conservative unlike many western nations. I was a pretty easy going guy. Alas I have become stubborn these days due to frustration and stress but not that I can't control
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
!
but not that I can't control