I agree G.....just a little patience. I can imagine that many times people get caught up in the emotions on dates and then the next morning or a couple of days later have a change of heart.
I am sure it's hard though especially after years of dating.
That's NOT what I'm saying. I doubt he had a change of heart - he sent you the selfie next morning. He's just a guy with a life who isn't breathlessly texting you. That doesn't mean he won't ask you out again - I believe he will but you have to appear less anxious and needy.
Let him contact you. You didn't set a hard date, so if he waits until the day of to ask you out, tell him you didn't hear from him so you made other plans. He'll learn soon enough to ask you out in advance.
Im sick of men and their hunting though. They want what doesnt come easy, but its not coming easy for a reason. When they have to hunt, they are gonna end up with
1. Either a woman that is going for other men 2. A woman playing games 3. A woman using them for dinners, gifts etc.
Ginger is a great catch and these men are just too stupid too realize it. So i agree, you have to play the game. Thats what makes you valuable to men. But it makes me realize how stupid the population is and its really fruatrating.
I empathize ginger. I really do. The more self serving you are, the better off you do on life.
Let's be clear - it's not only men who enjoy winning a woman over.We women often pass up the over-eager "good guys" for more challenging men that we have to seduce. Some of it's just human nature. And when someone is overly enthusiastic about us right from the start, we worry whether they are crazy about us or just their fantasy of us.
I'm dealing with that a bit with CMM - his total enthusiasm for a relationship with me was a little off putting. But I'm giving it a little time, because I do know that I'm a catch and why shouldn't he be excited about finding me???
Also - remember this guy wasn't dating. He wasn't actively looking for a soulmate. Sounds like he really liked you but he wasn't poised, ready to jump into a relationship so he might go a little slower than you expect AND that's ok! Give him some space. Don't be needy. Fake confidence until you make it.
Or sometimes the men get a woman who has a life and knows her value.
I dont think this is often the case. Look at ginger. How much more of a life can she get? She is an educated professional with a good skill set. Has lots of hobbies. Lots of friends. She is very attractive. Very outgoing.
I believe Her only obstacle is that she doesnt play the game. She is open about wanting a relationship and honest about her interest level and boundaries.
Men want the woman that doesnt notice if they are texting or calling. Well the reason these women dont notice is because they are already sleeping with other guys, or they are just not super interested. These women tend to be less emotionally healthy and are seeking and giving attention to the guys that use them.
But men dont get that, so they stupidly overlook a girl that knows her value and is just more open. They want the hunt. They feel they are getting their moneys worth that way.
So i agree with the concept that you have to recognize and play the game. Its a part of life. I play it on a daily basis at work, with my sons school district, with insurance companies etc. I would love to find someone that you didnt have to play the game with because it really is a silly part of the dynamics. How refreshing! But thats not reality.
Personally, i dont go for the type of guy i have to win over and seduce. I dont trust them and im not attracted to them. I dont want to ever feel the need to have to work hard to get a guy to notice me. I like the guys that seem trustworthy and enthusiastic.
Well I'm just saying - when I'm too busy to date a guy on his desired schedule, their interest in me inevitably goes UP, not down. I'm not saying Ginger doesn't have a life - but being TOO interested in someone new can scare them off, and being a little bit less available - even if in my case it's usually accidental - can be a good thing.
I know because I WAS Ginger when I was younger - it's only in hindsight that I can see that as a young woman, I was way too available and not confident in my own worth. Now I ASSUME that I'm all that and a bag of chips and any guy would be lucky to have me, and no surprise, they generally feel that way about me too! Not all of them are actually capable of relationships, but literally EVERY man I have dated since my divorce, at some point has said "I don't know WHAT your ex-husband was thinking!". (CMM just said this Sunday hahaha).
Confidence is attractive, neediness is not. It's ok to want him to step up to the plate but don't be needy about it - let him take the lead, and if he doesn't make plans in advance, don't be available - he'll learn soon enough to plan ahead.
This guy liked you, sent you the selfie, told you he was interested in another date AND told your friend he'd date you again. That's all good - don't scotch it by being pushy, have some patience.
I have been taking this all and such good opinions and feedback.
I really do not play the game well, nor do I have a desire, like Juju. I understand how not being so readily available or overly interested can diminish interest. But the one thing I cannot take is one minute the person is SO interested and the second I barely her from them.
I am stuck at a point where I really do think I am a catch (and thank you Juju). But I am left questioning myself in light of recent events. SO many different guys have so many different communication patterns and it is hard to reconcile.
This guy, whom my friend inappropriately nicknamed "hot chocolate" although he makes race jokes with the best of them..... actually said "You aren't going to make me beg for a second date, right?" I should have said "yup", haha.
I also do like guys who seem true to their word and somewhat enthusiastic. Not over the top love bombing kind, but excited to see me again.
That all being said, he did finally respond saying his week was good, but work was very busy...... and he asked if I am still free to meetup Wednesday. I told him yes and that I would be willing to go to his area (I like his area better than mine, it's trendier/more fun). he responded, "great! I have a couple of cool places in mind, what time are you available?"
So, I guess he is interested. I am learning, slowly. I've just dealt with so many dicks, sometimes I have a hard time distinguishing
G - I can tell you as a guy it is a fine balance to pursue but also not seem needy. All the self help books you read tell the guy to wait several days before making a second date and don't over pursue the ladies by blowing up their phone and getting to know them that way.
I also know that when I was out on my date Sat night I really wasn't that interested in the girl but I felt bad ending the date early so I saw it through. We did kiss at the end of the night but it didn't make my toes tingle.
I am not saying this is your situation but those are the things that went through my mind. Additionally she seemed very into me, texted me when she got home, and we also chatted a bit on Sunday. I tried to coordinate a second date with her yesterday but she never returned my text. I am not sweating it but obviously something has changed.
Again, not your situation but something similar to what you describe happened to me.
He also very well could have spoke to his buddies and they gave him some crap about playing it cool.
