Is your W still at your home or did she move out to somewhere else? Your signature coupled with your thread have me confused.
Hard to say what taking the OM off Facebook friends means. She could just communicate through a more surreptitious channel, and is just saving face since you confronted and she knows you may spread the word.
Don't assume anything, and don't worry about what you won't be able to know. Focus on yourself, you can control that! Good luck.
Apologies for the confusion, forgot to update Sig.
She is still in the house even though I've moved out. I had to, I couldn't stand being there with her. It also did not feel like home anymore. I asked her this morning when she dropped off our son what her plans were for moving out. She said she still wants to move out because she doesn't want the house either. I'm not sure I believe her, she's been spouting that since the beginning and has done nothing. Not sure I care either way.
Yeah, the OM being removed kind of stumps me. I guess I can't worry about it though as I can't control it anyways. It just seems odd is all.
Thanks!
W 31(WW) Me 32 Married 7 years together 12 1 kid - 1.5 yr old S BD 23/05/2018 Separated since BD I moved out 20/06/2018 for my own sanity OM or just fling? Not sure...
My take on the FB friends removal thing of OM. Unfriending someone on FB is usual a passive-aggressive way of letting that person know you are upset with them. Most of the time it is a way to also get their attention.
So likely he pulled back a bit? Is he married? Maybe he started talking about wanting to make things work with his W. One of the big differences between women who cheat and men who cheat is that men are just looking for some strange. Women tend to be more emotionally invested in the A and want it to have a future.
So if he did pull back she could be unfriending him in an attempt to make him think she is disconnecting from him AND to get him to react "Why did you unfriend me? That isn't what I wanted!" I saw this with my friend when her OM wanted to end the A.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
My take on the FB friends removal thing of OM. Unfriending someone on FB is usual a passive-aggressive way of letting that person know you are upset with them. Most of the time it is a way to also get their attention.
So likely he pulled back a bit? Is he married? Maybe he started talking about wanting to make things work with his W. One of the big differences between women who cheat and men who cheat is that men are just looking for some strange. Women tend to be more emotionally invested in the A and want it to have a future.
So if he did pull back she could be unfriending him in an attempt to make him think she is disconnecting from him AND to get him to react "Why did you unfriend me? That isn't what I wanted!" I saw this with my friend when her OM wanted to end the A.
I'm pretty sure he isn't married. At least his profile said he was single. Although it was a bit outdated as he didn't seem to use FB much. He has no other presence on social media that I could find either.
I really have no idea, but it's strange in that I couldn't even see his page anymore from her account. Like she was blocked or she blocked herself from it if that's possible. Not just unfriended but blocked it seems. I went on my account and could see his page just fine.
Thoughts?
W 31(WW) Me 32 Married 7 years together 12 1 kid - 1.5 yr old S BD 23/05/2018 Separated since BD I moved out 20/06/2018 for my own sanity OM or just fling? Not sure...
I used to do all of her business marketing from her account on FB. It's connected to her personal account. She hasn't changed any of the credentials. I don't touch anything, just look. I had been not logging in lately but I just had a feeling the other day to check and that's when I saw it.
This was the first time I've seen her slip up using FB. Maybe she forgot this time or got lazy temporarily. The FB messenger convo between them is still there though. Just cannot get to his page anymore from her account. Strange.
W 31(WW) Me 32 Married 7 years together 12 1 kid - 1.5 yr old S BD 23/05/2018 Separated since BD I moved out 20/06/2018 for my own sanity OM or just fling? Not sure...
Oh, one thing I forgot to mention about their FB messenger convo was that at the end she got his phone number to text instead. From the convo though, they had been in contact for much longer before this though. They must have been communicating a different way. Snapchat I'm thinking. I guess looking back at that, it could be why she either removed or blocked him to try to keep it hidden? Or maybe he blocked her? No idea.
W 31(WW) Me 32 Married 7 years together 12 1 kid - 1.5 yr old S BD 23/05/2018 Separated since BD I moved out 20/06/2018 for my own sanity OM or just fling? Not sure...
Bewas, this is very unhealthy and will not help your sitch. I would highly suggest you stop logging into your account and snooping. It will derail you.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Bewas, this is very unhealthy and will not help your sitch. I would highly suggest you stop logging into your account and snooping. It will derail you.
I do agree with you...I did stop looking at anything of hers completely for awhile but just had an urge to check. I do feel worse off now for looking, though at least I know now. I'll have to stop, it will make me crazy if I continue.
I have been GAL lately at least, as hard as it is. I think that's all that I can do for now.
W 31(WW) Me 32 Married 7 years together 12 1 kid - 1.5 yr old S BD 23/05/2018 Separated since BD I moved out 20/06/2018 for my own sanity OM or just fling? Not sure...
So I've been re-reading all of the DB'ing rules to dealing with my WW. I think I'm doing fairly well with most of them, however, I think I still need to work on some of them and could maybe use some advice.
"Do not ask for help from family members or friends. Don't discuss private matters with them that would upset your spouse."
For this one, I've told some select trusted friends and family members details of what's going on which I think is fine. The problem I'm having with this rule is the fact that her family has decided to side with me on this due to her actions and behavior which they've seen for themselves. She is a completely different person to them. They are absolutely amazing people and simply want what's best for their grandson and family. I never asked for the support, they just know what she is doing is wrong and cannot support it. They are babysitting our son for me while I'm working in their city and will help me in any way until this situation is resolved one way or another. She's already had a major falling out with them. Her mom told her she isn't welcome anymore and my WW said she is done with them forever. I know she blames me for this and just doesn't seem to understand why they aren't supporting her in this. Anybody with some logic would see why...
I know that maybe I shouldn't be accepting any help from them but I just can't help but think that I'd be a fool not to as it is for sure in my sons best interest seeing as they are insistent on helping. This would be regardless of how things turn out with my W. I do need to plan for a future regardless of what she does. I'd like to think that if the fog in her head lifts and she starts thinking straight again, she'll see who the real cause of it was.
Do not spy on spouse by checking emails, phone bills, etc. (Not good for you and will make matters worse.)
This is something I'm definitely guilty of lately. I'm making a concerted effort to not try to find out anymore as it's just making things harder for me to move on and GAL. It's really hard to not think about it though at times.
Act "as if" you are moving on with your life with or without them and that you are going to be okay. Keep a good attitude.
I've been doing a good job of this lately in terms of acting as if I'm moving on. I'm no longer letting her walk on me or helping her with anything. The one thing I need to work on is being a little more upbeat in her presence as I find myself still at times being maybe a little bit to snippy, not really bad but I could be much better. Are there any tips for this?
No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. This can confuse some of them b/c it is not what they expected.
This one goes right with the previous point of needing to be more upbeat around her even though I am not feeling it around her. I have actually been feeling happier lately, I just need to show it around her now.
Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
I do however feel horrible at times, thinking there is no possible way for this to turn around. Sometimes those thoughts just creep in and I can't help it. I'm pretty sure there are no real tips to help this other than time itself?
Do not send several TM's or emails throughout the day unless absolutely necessary.
I'm only guilty of this when she initiates it and I feel I have no choice, especially when it is due to bills and or our son. Not really sure of any other way around that? We do go most days with no contact whatsoever.
Now that we are physically separated (initiated by me to secure my own future and sanity regardless of outcome) there are only so many things that I can do in regards to DB'ing, but I do know that losses are coming for my WW one way or another. She's already lost her family due to her decisions and actions. She's lost all help from me for anything. She'll be losing her house and so many things she was so proud of having accomplished with it (she keeps saying she doesn't want it). She's not going to do as well financially as she thinks she is. She's going to have REAL difficulty raising our son on her own when it's her turn (she has yet to take him for her week...). She could even end up losing her business in the end if we do actually divorce. I wonder at what point she cracks? At what point does even someone with no logic see the utter idiocy of what they are doing? She can be a stubborn person but I can't see the full weight of all of this not hitting her at some point. Whether or not it comes with piecing us back together is another thing I suppose? It's something that scares me...
W 31(WW) Me 32 Married 7 years together 12 1 kid - 1.5 yr old S BD 23/05/2018 Separated since BD I moved out 20/06/2018 for my own sanity OM or just fling? Not sure...
Now that we are physically separated (initiated by me to secure my own future and sanity regardless of outcome) there are only so many things that I can do in regards to DB'ing,
I actually think it is easier to DB while separated. If your doing it right she will have plenty of opportunities to notice your changes and she will have all the space she needs.
Also......please stop snooping!
On a side note...not giving up hope is a difficult one. When my EW moved out I thought for sure my sitch would end differently. Initially your hopes are very high that they will return then gradually the flame gets a little dimmer and a little dimmer as the months go on. Eventually it becomes about the size of a pilot light, tucked away in the back of your heart held under lock and key. You can keep on hoping as long as you want but you can't let that hope hold you hostage and prevent you from moving forward.
