Advice Needed To Deal With WW - Part 2

[Bewas]

Days like today make it hard for me to see any light at the end of the tunnel in my situation.

She's being a bit of a b#tch while texting and calling me regarding bill payments (I'm not the one initiating this btw). I'm being very civil and not letting emotion get in the way but it's causing me to have to have extended text conversations. She did end up calling me in the middle of the text conversation and was really short with me. She was also calling while in the middle of an appointment with a client who could probably hear everything. She then told me to stop texting her...It was kind of weird tbh. She's trying to get me to pay more than my fair share of the bills but I'm standing my ground. I honestly think she's a bit overwhelmed by how many bills she has to handle by herself now. I guess that's her problem now.

I'm assuming issues like this are common in situations like mine. Even though I know she is WW, it still deflates me a little having interactions like this, but I suppose there isn't much I can do other than detach as much as possible and let her reap what she sows.

[Bewas]

So is it dark mode for me now? I'm assuming so.

Don't pursue her with contacts and conversations. Don't make suggestions, ask questions, talk about the M, etc. If she contacts you, just listen.....as long as she is being respectful. Otherwise, just follow a parenting schedule for the child.

Get a job ASAP. Continue GAL. Your W is going to need time to learn a few lessons from life's experiences. I think there is a good chance she will want to reconcile, but you need to stay out of her life until then.

Well, I just got an even clearer image of what's going on now. I know there is an OM now. They just recently connected on FB but from the messenger conversation, it seems they've been in communication for much longer. She was complaining to him about him blowing her off and he was defending himself staying his phone was out of reception at the lake and the only time he does is when he is golfing. There is only one way I can take this information. It's very scummy. He is like 6 years younger than her and seems like a douche bag but I'd bet money that he probably doesn't even know she has a baby son and is just freshly seperated. If he does, than he is an even bigger douchebag than I already thought.

I felt very sad last night even though I knew there was someone. It's only been a month since this started. Separated out not, we are still married and this is deplorable Imo. She doesn't even seem to give a damn about her son anymore. She's seen him for maybe a couple of hours over the last 2 weeks. Keeps making excuses to not have to take him for her week. I'm so disgusted with her right now.

I've already confronted her once about nude photos but should I do it again now that I know who it is? Would it even accomplish anything at this point? Maybe it would, I'm not sure. Would leaving it be just make it worse?

Another thing is, she has business payroll coming and has no idea how to do it, I'm assuming I should let her squirm and figure it out for herself right? I'm not feeling in a helping her mood right now anyways.

I'm assuming that detaching and how I act doesn't really change but it's going to be really tough acting upbeat and not angry around her. I can't help but feel that moving out myself maybe just made it easier for her to continue this? I guess she would have just found another means to do it anyways. I also couldn't be around her anymore anyways in a house that didn't feel like home anymore.

Any more advice for me would be so helpful right now. Thank you!

[joejoe1]

Since you have moved out don't confront her about her convo with OM. Don't give him any energy or power. The less you speak, care or worry about him the less energy he will start to have in your Sitch.

Now its time for you to work on and become a person only a fool would leave.

Do not help her with her responsibilities. Its her owns now, thats the choice she has made. True love is allowing a person to be themselves and chose for themselves. Don't step in to help her fix her mistakes. Let her fall, it will be hard to watch, but when she realize how much you have done for her, her fog will begin to lift and reality will start to hit like a ton of bricks.

You will be out of her way, and the only person that will be around decor her to blame is herself, nomore Bewas.

Keep going forward. Find positive and happiness. I know that will be hard, but not impossible. The faster you get there the better chance you have of saving your Sitch.

[sandi2]

I've already confronted her once about nude photos but should I do it again now that I know who it is?

I asked you once before what were the benefits. You guys just assumed that was my way of saying not to confront. It wasn't. I was asking you a legitmate question........which you never answered. In the end, you just had to confront her for the sake of your feelings. Okay, so now she knows that you know. How's that work'in for ya?

So, here I am asking you again what benefit do you get from confronting her? Did it stop her from posting nude photos when you confronted the first time? Apparently not. So what do you expect from a second confrontation? You are separated!!! What can you do about her posting naked photos? Not a flipping thing!

When she left you, she was saying that whatever she does in her life is none of your business. You have no control over how she conducts her life. Get it through your head.

[Bewas]

Since you have moved out don't confront her about her convo with OM. Don't give him any energy or power. The less you speak, care or worry about him the less energy he will start to have in your Sitch.

Now its time for you to work on and become a person only a fool would leave.

Do not help her with her responsibilities. Its her owns now, thats the choice she has made. True love is allowing a person to be themselves and chose for themselves. Don't step in to help her fix her mistakes. Let her fall, it will be hard to watch, but when she realize how much you have done for her, her fog will begin to lift and reality will start to hit like a ton of bricks.

You will be out of her way, and the only person that will be around decor her to blame is herself, nomore Bewas.

Keep going forward. Find positive and happiness. I know that will be hard, but not impossible. The faster you get there the better chance you have of saving your Sitch.

Thanks for the great response and advice!

I've been leaning towards that this time, I'll say nothing in regards to the OM. She'll just deny it anyways. When I confronted her last time, it didn't really do much anyways. All it probably did was make it seem like I was still hanging on I suppose.

Yeah, I think she is on her own in regards to her payroll responsibilities. I'm not helping her with anything more going forward.

Thanks!

[ovrrnbw]

Sandi is right. You're going down cheese less tunnels. And it let's your W know she still has you by the balls. Tell someone else, go sparring, run 10 miles. Get it out another way Bewas. OR keep going down a cheese less tunnel.

[Bewas]

I've already confronted her once about nude photos but should I do it again now that I know who it is?

I asked you once before what were the benefits. You guys just assumed that was my way of saying not to confront. It wasn't. I was asking you a legitmate question........which you never answered. In the end, you just had to confront her for the sake of your feelings. Okay, so now she knows that you know. How's that work'in for ya?

So, here I am asking you again what benefit do you get from confronting her? Did it stop her from posting nude photos when you confronted the first time? Apparently not. So what do you expect from a second confrontation? You are separated!!! What can you do about her posting naked photos? Not a flipping thing!

When she left you, she was saying that whatever she does in her life is none of your business. You have no control over how she conducts her life. Get it through your head.

Hi Sandi,

Yeah, least time I did it just for my own sake but it didn't have any real effect on anything. I've decided I'm am not going to confront this time about anything. I'm also not going to help her with anything going forward at all.

I also thought I did answer your question from before in regards to why and the benefits, but if I didn't I apologize as I may not have.

You are absolutely right, I do not have any control over her life so I'll just stay out of it. It is very good advice that I'll have no choice but to follow. I think it's through my head now

Thanks!

[Bewas]

Sandi is right. You're going down cheese less tunnels. And it let's your W know she still has you by the balls. Tell someone else, go sparring, run 10 miles. Get it out another way Bewas. OR keep going down a cheese less tunnel.

I know, I know. You are all absolutely right. I see that now. I won't confront. I've seen first hand how it didn't really do anything for me last time anyways. No more cheese less tunnels for me!

Asking the question again has really made me realize this time what not to do thanks to all of the awesome advice!

Thanks!

[Bewas]

So I saw her yesterday and today while dropping off and picking up our son. This is the first time she's had him overnight on her own since this all started. It was also the first time I had been at my house for almost two weeks. The house was a mess and seems like it is abandoned in a way. It really seems like she only inhabits the bedroom and bathroom right now. There was no food in the fridge, and everything was pretty well untouched since I had left. She hasn't lifted a finger in there. I ended up cutting the grass as I do still own the house and wanted to at least upkeep that part. Our beautiful garden that she was so very proud of and loved taking care of has gone completely to weeds. A bunch of her projects that she had been working on before this all started have been just left abandoned. It's like everything that made her "my" W have just vanished.

I did not tell her anything in regards to me knowing about the OM and I did not help her at all with her payroll even though she asked me to help her with it. I simply gave her some of the numbers she would need and told her to learn how to do it like I did. She seemed peeved about that. I've been working on being more upbeat in her presence and I did better this time. I can still be better at it though.

I did notice that she ended up going to a clients place with our son in the evening and had her picture taken with him and posted to FB by the client. Today, I noticed that she had removed the OM from her friends list on FB. I'm wondering if she did that because she thinks I may be looking? Or another thing I am thinking is she wants to minimize the fact that she has a son to this OM. Doesn't want him seeing photos of our son with her. I have a feeling he may not even know. He probably doesn't even know how freshly we are separated. Just a hunch. A much younger guy than her is only looking for a fling and will have no interest in her with a kid IMO.

Any thoughts on this?

Thanks!

[ovrrnbw]

Is your W still at your home or did she move out to somewhere else? Your signature coupled with your thread have me confused.

Hard to say what taking the OM off Facebook friends means. She could just communicate through a more surreptitious channel, and is just saving face since you confronted and she knows you may spread the word.

Don't assume anything, and don't worry about what you won't be able to know. Focus on yourself, you can control that! Good luck.