I'm really happy that she let S come over for Father's Day. We've had a good day. I've only showed him positive feelings since he's been here, and we've had a lot of fun playing with his toy trucks and just being silly.
W should be here in about an hour and a half to pick him up, and she's bringing one of her super biased friends with her, not sure if it's a "buffer" or a "witness". Either way, it's super annoying.
I'm not a fan of this behavior at all. I've asked her not to bring her friends to my place at all. Just not sure how to address it, or if I should let it go.
It doesn't matter, she's just playing the victim. I suppose I should just be polite and not start an argument around S.
Shortly after W picked up S, she texted me. She asked if he had a nap during the day. I said no, and I figured that he was giving her a difficult time (she likes to tell me when she thinks I've messed up). Apparently he went straight to bed.
There was actually no reason for her to text me. So perhaps the sort of random messages have started again. I dunno. I'm gonna leave it alone and see what happens.
Board policies prevent me giving a link. I am not referring to feminist articles/books. It is how to show male dominance in marriage. It is not negative. When a man knows how to show male dominance in the bedroom, in their relationship.....it causes her to desire him. It makes her feel feminine, sexy, desirable, and she is strongly attracted to him when he takes charge in the right way.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I get that. I think that's where I went wrong. I was too depressed and couldn't really dominate anything. The times I tried, I got screamed at for it.
I've always known how to do that, but I guess the more self-doubt I had, the more it slipped away.
I know I have a lot of work to do. I'm starting to finally get some confidence back. In my particular sitch, it's been very difficult to find opportunities for that. And the times that I do, it's hit or miss.
I'm going to keep moving forward and see what happens. I'm still hopeful that things will improve...right now it's just about as rock bottom as it can get.
Our S keeps asking me why I'm sad. I may be able to keep my composure in front of her most of the time...but around just him, I can't do it.
You got to do it. You got to try to spare him the trouble.
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I just tell him that I miss him and mommy living with me. I can't explain any of this to him...or at least I don't know how.
I think you explained it pretty well.
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She spent so much energy telling me to fix myself and I couldn't at the time. Now I'm working hard to make improvements, do DB, and I'm really not seeing anything helping the situation.
It is great that you are working on yourself. However, do not do it for her to notice. Do it for you and for your son. No matter how this ends you will be happy you have done it.
You are doing fine, you focus on the right things.
I get that. I think that's where I went wrong. I was too depressed and couldn't really dominate anything. The times I tried, I got screamed at for it.
If she had to take charge of most things during the time you were depressed, then I'm sure she did scream at you. By then, she had lost respect in you as a man.
Unfortunately, if a H goes through a lengthy period of depression, it can dramatically change the dynamics in the MR. If he just shuts down and everything depends on her.....the chances of her losing respect for him as the provider, protector, leader, etc., is great. A lot would depend upon her compassion and understanding......which can take a big hit if she's lost her admiration for him. Resentment can come easily, especially if you don't have enough maturity to deal with the struggles facing the couple. Even then, a person can simply wear out. If she saw no end in sight, it may have felt like a hopeless situation.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She noticed a major change once I quit taking the meds...I was getting things done, and seemed to be doing well. She even ALMOST said that it was exactly what she needed. She stopped at the "I need" part and said "I don't want to give you the wrong idea..."
I went out of town for a couple of days to stay with a friend. I got back today, picked up S from the sitter. The sitter said that W noticed I wasn't home when she picked up/dropped off, so she was asking about me, if I was ok, etc.
This morning, W sent me a very polite message asking me if I could pick up S. I was planning on it anyway, but getting a "Good morning. Would you please pick up S at 6 today?" message was kind of unexpected.
I politely thanked her for the reminder, said I would pick him up, and told her to have a good day.
Doing the GAL thing seems to at least be giving her time to stop being so angry. I like it.
It's been 4 months now (yesterday) since she moved out. I know I'm doing a lot better, but it still hits me pretty hard when I think about the whole thing.
Some days are just harder than others lately.
I guess I'm still hoping that this all works out somehow.
I've only showed him positive feelings since he's been here, and we've had a lot of fun playing with his toy trucks and just being silly.