Just got back from a long weekend in a hotel and Im exhausted. Had a nice evening last night by the outdoor pool and there was a grill at the hotel so H grilled burgers while I played Uno with the kiddos. We mostly try to stay out of each others way and we act like we are separated.
As I fall into bed Im just thinking that for whatever reason, my life was meant to take this turn. I dont know why yet but im trying to have faith that someday it will make sense.
M: 43, H: 44 Married 18 yrs, Together 26 yrs S17, D15, D8, S6 Still living in MH
Ive been thinking lately about asking H if he would be willing to go to MC. Any thoughts on whether asking him this would be a productive thing to do right now? Or ever?
M: 43, H: 44 Married 18 yrs, Together 26 yrs S17, D15, D8, S6 Still living in MH
My sense is that MC is only valuable if he wants to work towards saving the MR. (of course you can go on your own). I think asking a resistant spouse to do it is counterproductive because it is more pressure and pushes them farther away. My own WAW suggested MC but it became clear that she didnt want to work towards saving the MR but rather as a way to say all the things she was afraid to say to me (BD).
Of course if he makes moves towards R, then MC could be useful, and I think at a certain point necessary. But it doesnt sound like your H is there yet.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Do not even begin to do MC with an abuser. They will develop that as a tactic to further abuse.
There is no way that someone with this m8ndset can be brought to realisation. If you are hoping for the flash of I did you wrong an apology and a personality transplant. That isn't it.
Similarly never MC a wayward the process will be used to justify an A and to self soothe that they 'tried. And that it's all you.
That way lies pain.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
You're both right of course. I know it would be a bad idea and deep down I also know asking would be for the wrong reasons....to rescue, give him a path back to the M without having to sacrifice his pride and to test the waters of how he's feeling. Bad.
So, I trudge on I guess. I will never be able to wrap my head around how much will power it must take for him to do this. I've said this before, that I waver between thinking it's admirable and sick. I mean, to walk away from someone who hurts you takes a lot of strength and courage...it's just really hard for me to see myself as someone who hurts. Maybe everyone who hurts someone feels that way? Reminds me of a quote from Fight Club where Tyler Durden says "No one ever thinks they are a bad person."
Anyway, today we are headed to DC, my D15 was invited to play on our area's semi-pro team in a game up there against their semi-pro second string so that will be fun to watch.
M: 43, H: 44 Married 18 yrs, Together 26 yrs S17, D15, D8, S6 Still living in MH
Oh and I do have some good news...I am a little closer to figuring out my unexplained abdominal pain. I think I mentioned here that I had an umbilical hernia surgery back in March and the dr did a small exploratory incision where I said I was having pain. That is a long story bc he initially told me I was having pain bc of the hernia but when I expressed doubt the morning of the surgery he agreed with me that upon a second evaluation, the pain was most likely not from the hernia. That is obviously not what you want to hear when you are ready to roll into surgery! was bawling and of course H was not with me bc of all that is going on between us so that was very hard. Anyway, I have to have a dynamic ultrasound but this dr says I STILL have an umbilical hernia and that there is a big possibility the pain Im having is from yet another hernia. Probably bc two of my four babies were big and both were two weeks overdue, had to be induced etc. D15 was 10.1oz lol and Im not a big person. Anyway, feeling hopeful that I might have some answered to this four year long unexplained pain. In addition to this, I have a fibroid on my uterus that is bigger than my actual uterus and so I will have to have that removed as well. My OBGYN wants to do a partial hysterectomy but I decided I dont want to do that....this might be too much info but Im saying it anyway bc some other women here might have insight...I cant see how an orgasm could ever be the same without uterine contractions?? I may never have sex again, but just in case right?! Anyway, Im very anxious to get that procedure done as well bc my stomach feels bloated all the time-OBGYN said my uterus is the size of a 4 month pregnant woman ugh. I like to exercise and keep fit so this stomach bloat issue makes me crazy even though she said you would never know Im hiding a fibroid that large. Praying for answers and healing soon.
M: 43, H: 44 Married 18 yrs, Together 26 yrs S17, D15, D8, S6 Still living in MH
