sandi's challenge still stands. Try to go a week without letting others give you information. If the sitter tries to tell you something about your WW, stop them. Etc.
The first few days you will panic from the lack of control (knowing is a form of control). But after 3-4 days you'll actually feel better! And detachment will come more naturally. It is hard to detach if you can't go more than a day or 2 without hearing new information about your WW.
This is why communication with WW should be business like concerning only logistics of your S3.
Also, that last paragraph you wrote? Excuses. Sorry to be blunt. There are a ton of things that do not require money, or are very low cost. I already told you to join a men's group. Most meet one night every week. That is one night down.
You can get into a softball league. Or a pickup basketball. Pick a sport. Some have cost associated with them but view it as an investment in you!
Are you working out? Joing a gym. There are some that are like $10 or $15 a month. That is one or two trips to a fast food restaurant!
Read. Voraciously. If you are awake, and not busy, you should be reading. Anti-DB books and websites. Self-help books and websites. I know you said you have ADHD. I know that can affect concentration, so break up activities. Read for as long as you can. Go for a walk. Read for as long as you can, call up a friend and have a discussion. Read for as long as you can and then find something to do. Stay busy. GAL. Don't dwell on WW.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
W called me because S3 was at the sitters and he had a bit of an upset stomach. She asked if I could take him some clothes from my place, so I did (I'm not helping her, but I will gladly help S3 any time he needs it). I asked her if he needed to go to the doctor, and said I would take him if so...but he's feeling fine, no fever, just upset tummy.
I was just coming back from the grocery store when she got here to pick him up. Again, she looked like hell. It's hot, she's tired, and it really shows how run down she feels.
BUT...I took some advice.
I said "Hello. He's got clean pants on now. Does he need more clothes?" She said she didn't think so. I said "Okay."
And then I took my groceries upstairs, put them away, and didn't watch out the window this time.
Just business related to S3.
I got upstairs, and I smiled a little to myself. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this...slowly...
I got upstairs, and I smiled a little to myself. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this...slowly...
Way to go, Blakmac! Wonderful job at not asking your W any personal questions.
Yes, you absolutely did the right thing by taking S3 clothes over to the sitter.
I don't know if it would appeal to you, but some guys can get a boxer's punching bag (I don't know the proper name for it), and it helps them release some of the anger, anxiety, frustration, etc. Walking is excellent excerise, if you do enough.
Regarding the doctor's visit and medication.....have you checked to see if there is a free clinic or health center in your local county?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I don't know if it would appeal to you, but some guys can get a boxer's punching bag (I don't know the proper name for it), and it helps them release some of the anger, anxiety, frustration, etc. Walking is excellent excerise, if you do enough.
sandi, it's called a heavy bag.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Sandi...I have, and there is one, but I really don't think they'll treat ADHD. Although I haven't checked.
I'm not quite ready for a heavy bag yet. Heh. I actually just got back from walking a mile. I may go again this evening...it definitely helps pass the time, and I'm down about 47 lbs., so it's been pretty awesome. I've been mixing a little jogging in with it (I'm still really big, so it's not super easy...yet...) and that definitely is making a difference.
I think the other day I had a mental turning point...I realize now that whatever she's going through isn't my problem, and it's also not my fault. It [censored] to see her hurting. A lot. And I do have empathy...but it's still not my problem. In fact, the more she has to fix on her own, the more likely (at least I believe) that she'll have to accept that she messed this all up. And maybe she'll decide she really did break the relationship, and maybe she'll try to fix it...
But I'm not holding my breath. I'm gonna keep working on myself, keep getting healthier, keep making choices that make me happy, and keep kicking butt.
She can sort out her own problems. Maybe it'll put it into perspective for her that I'm not the root of all of her issues.
Of course, I'm going to be there for our S. No question about that.
But she's on her own for now. Until she decides to step up her game and get serious about life.
We're adults. Okay, I'm an adult. I can own my issues, and even if I can't fix them all, I can fix some of them. And I'm doing just that...and fairly well, honestly.
I know she doesn't know what she's doing with life. One of my favorite quotes is "play stupid games, win stupid prizes". So...she'll win some stupid prizes, and hopefully she can make the best of them.
I feel much better than I have in a while. Not because she's gone...but because I'm actually doing something that I enjoy. Exercising is a big thing for me right now, and I hope I keep it up.
47 pounds is great. Don't know how much more you need to lose, or how hot the weather is there......(so be careful not to overdo), but how about shooting for three miles a day by this time next week? Think you can do it? I know a guy that ate anything he wanted and lost over a 100 pounds by walking every day. He was clicking off ten miles a day! Sounds extreme but he had gotten where it didn't take him very long to walk it....and he was looking really good! So, if you've got the time..........
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In fact, the more she has to fix on her own, the more likely (at least I believe) that she'll have to accept that she messed this all up. And maybe she'll decide she really did break the relationship, and maybe she'll try to fix it...
I agree!
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I feel much better than I have in a while. Not because she's gone...but because I'm actually doing something that I enjoy. Exercising is a big thing for me right now, and I hope I keep it up.
It is amazing how many LBS say the same thing. And don't forget GAL, too. Maintain this attitude and you will make some wonderful changes in your life......b/c you've already started working on yourself and focusing on the things you control.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
47 pounds is great. Don't know how much more you need to lose, or how hot the weather is there......(so be careful not to overdo), but how about shooting for three miles a day by this time next week?
It's TX...so...really hot. And humid. Heh. But that's not a bad goal. I'm still not positive I can pull it off...I honestly still need about 150 more lbs to lose, so I'm not even close to where I need to be. I may try to ramp it up though. It's a good goal for sure.
I got bored, so I went out and walked another 2 miles. So I did hit 3 miles today.
I did send a text to W just to ask if S3 was feeling better, since he was having stomach trouble yesterday. No response yet.
I'm kind of going nuts in my mind right now. Not hearing from her is really difficult in general. I'm still trying to stay busy with stuff though, so hopefully I'll be okay tonight.
Wonderful job at not asking your W any personal questions.