Yeah, I wouldn't let her take a box of cereal into her room on Saturday late morning. I told her "I don't even like you eating in your room, let alone taking food too pour down there with you."
I got the "I hate you!" After she put the box back in the pantry.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve be patient with your D .They are going trough a rough phase in there lives. Does your D go to church with you? One of the things I found kept me connected with my S is that -Since he was born we have always gone to church together. My W has stopped going from what I know but I make church and school mandatory to my S. My S has been even ushering with me for about 5 years now. My parish family has seen my son grow over the years and I often get comments how they have seen him sprout to become a young man. He is now taller than me. When people at church found out my W left they were dumbfounded. People thought I had the perfect family. Some people referred to us as the poster family for our church. So much so - my W and I and my S were asked to be best man matron of honor and ring bearer for an older couple whom soon became our close friends. We were also asked by Nigerian parents to be the God parents to their son and daughter.
BTW as you wish for a better R with your D- I wish for a better R with my W. Allows us now to be thankful for our many blessings. Take care and God Bless!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Yes she goes to church with us. Unfortunately I feel she has started to pull away from church as well. She has a few close friends from school and she gravitates to them over the close church friends she has known since she was little. It is sad to witness and be powerless to do anything about it.
My W and I have considered pulling her out of school and homeschooling her again. D is vehemently opposed to any talk of removing her from her current school. Maybe we should just rip the bandaid off and do it since she is in "I hate you" mode now. Eventually she will see the wisdom in the decision.
This is all fairly recent. Up until ~March she was very much into church and her church friends. But these kids at school got their hooks in her.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve, it is just a phase with your D. All teenage girls go through this, the daddy doting girl will be back in just a few years. She just needs space in her own way now, the beauty about the child and parent relation is that nobody can ever take that away from you. There is no D there ever! Through the worst time of my life now, my dad has been my rock. I have never been closer to him than I am right now, every cloud has a silver lining I suppose.
Lonewlf, i read the biking analogy couple of times, rings so true. By god's grace we will all truly feel happy some day soon. Not just be in pursuit of it like we are now.
After I thought things were starting to look better. Helping my S get an deadline extension on his project with his teacher and arranging more help for him. The possibility of 2 companies wanting to add me to their team. My DBing and GAL activities becoming more the normal and natural. Well today I am back in $hitsville. First, I had an incident with my son who failed to follow up with his teacher about his upcoming exam and pertinent info. I got upset because I was the one to get his teacher to be more flexible (she even offered to volunteer her time at the local library on the weekend)- yet he was the one who failed to follow thru.I made the comment to him that I will not sit idle and allow you to fail- I will carry you up the mountain - All you have top do is hold on! He left for school angry and deflated. Now that disappointment has subsided I will talk to him calmly after school. I had 3 interviews last week - I felt good on 2 of the interviews. Both companies have sent me a thanks for trying email. Not good! I guess when it rains it pours. Being in this negative head space makes me wonder what other $hit is headed my way. Someone please tell me this BAD NIGHTMARE will end soon! Just feel like I got the crap kicked out of me. Thanks for listening.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
LW, I don't have to tell you, of all the posters, that life is ups and downs. Imagine being rejected by the very people that you had been prophesied to for centuries. Only to be wrongfully accused, convicted, and sentenced to crucifixion.
Our problems pale in comparison.
Matthew 6:33 is my solace. I go to that verse every time I am feeling down and out.
I know you were disappointed in your S15. But remember how it was to be 15, and then think about how it would feel at that age, with everything else going on in your body, having the rug of your life pulled out from under you. That he views school as unimportant right now is not a surprise. You are a good dad, and you will do the right thing by him, but also remember that he has a lot for a young guy to deal with. I'll pray for him and for you.
Phil 4:13.......
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Things will get better. This is obviously a trying time, but it is in trying times that character is revealed. You can do this, no matter how hard it is. And the hard times will have their end as well.
Do you have any short-term good things you can focus on? If your son is finishing up the school year can you make some fun plans to do with him?
Hang in there, and keep venting here. You are a great guy and have lots of support here.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
To make sure he graduates high school? To make sure he graduates high school with a certain GPA? To make sure he gets into a particular university? To help him develop the skills to set goals and achieve them? To build a loving and supportive relationship with him during his teen years?
Do you know how your son responds to external and internal expectations? (Gretchen Rubin has a great book on this that I found helpful and wish I'd had earlier with one of my kids.)
My impression from your previous posts is that you are pretty rigid and analytical with your son. That might not be the approach that will help you achieve your goals, depending on what they are and how your son responds to expectations, especially with everything else he is dealing with.
"Angry and deflated" teens don't usually live up to their full potential.
I think I've made most of the possible parenting mistakes, so I say this with a lot of empathy.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Hi Lonewlf, when you have been cornered you have nowhere to go but forward right? Things will look up, most of us have this happening with us. everything goes down when we already are in terrible pain. If the downs are so bad just keep looking forward and imagine how great the ups are going to be. We are all here to support you, keep journaling, the times will change. Whenever you want to vent and screaming into a pillow is not enough, you have us listening on this forum
