Since my W wouldn't confirm whether or not I was keeping our S this weekend, I called the sitter. She left him there and said that I was picking him up.
I agreed to keep him this weekend to calm her down a week ago. But she wouldn't address it.
Two weeks ago she had him. Last week should have been mine, but that's when she told her dad he could keep him...so then she switched again. Now it's my weekend. Which means SHE gets him on Father's Day weekend...
I'm really tempted to call her and be a jerk about this. But no. That's a bad idea.
Maybe I should. Because on "her" weekend, he's always with her mom or dad because she has to work. She got her schedule moved to daytime during the week (except the 2 or 3 days off during the week), but she still wants to work closing shift on weekends (like 5 pm - 3 am).
She did get a regular job once. Lasted about 3 months before she gave it up and went back to working her pizza job.
I bought a notebook last week to start keeping track of my visits with my S and also information relevant to him. I noticed that when I picked him up from the sitter yesterday, he was wearing the same outfit that he was in Thursday when I took him to the doctor.
I know she worked Thursday, but she worked during the day.
I hope she's really thinking about stuff...but I know she's only thinking of herself.
It's not the first time it's happened, either. But now that I have a notebook, I'm going to be keeping a much closer eye on things.
Our S keeps asking me why I'm sad. I may be able to keep my composure in front of her most of the time...but around just him, I can't do it.
I miss having my family together. It is really, really hard to deal with the fact that she is just...gone. And he knows I'm sad.
He brought me his blanket and gave me a hug. He's the sweetest little boy ever.
But other than my weekends with him, I'm pretty much isolated from anyone I really care about. And that [censored], because I know that tomorrow night, she will pick him up, and I'll be alone again.
He keeps asking why I'm sad. He's not even 4 yet. I just tell him that I miss him and mommy living with me. I can't explain any of this to him...or at least I don't know how.
She spent so much energy telling me to fix myself and I couldn't at the time. Now I'm working hard to make improvements, do DB, and I'm really not seeing anything helping the situation.
I really don't want to lose her forever. I don't want to lose my family.
I know they're gone, but I really, really don't want it to be forever.
I feel like it's going to be though.
Sorry. I'm just having a really bad day today. I need a freaking miracle.
You missed what I'm saying. you have been a husband and father for so long that it has become your identity. You need to get out and meet new friends and become more than the just a H and father.
But it's up to you. This is just advice. peace bro.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I know you're right. I guess I get really lost in how I'm feeling at the time, and I tend to feel too strongly at times.
Today I've just been feeling kind of hopeless. I lost my W and my job within about 3 months, and I often feel like I'm expected (by her and everyone) to just let her go.
I know that's what I have to do, whether I'm DBing or not. It's easy to confuse the two sometimes.
I have well-meaning friends telling me things like "you deserve better", "she doesn't deserve you", "you don't need her back"...and honestly that really bothers me.
Whether it's true or not. It still bothers me because I am trying to fix this on my own.
I really do need more to do. This weekend I have our S. I think it's hard because it's a reminder that things could be fixable, and for his sake it's worth it. I really just wish she felt the same way.
I dunno. She's definitely a WW. No question. I guess I'm hoping for something to change.
