update- Did my daily morning routine yesterday and headed to the gym. My sister called me the night before to help get her car to the mechanic's before work. We had to drive by W new place for the first time. My heart sank as we drove by. Guess I still have a long way to go to detach. Went to the gym and had a light work out because I had some job hunting and follow up to do. Sent thank you emails to companies I had interviewed with and made followup calls with the one who asked for references. They said that I was on a short list of three and that they would let me know early next week. Then W sends me a text that she called our insurance agent and she has made separate insurance files for both of us and that our agent will be calling me to verify this. My heart sank again. I really looks like she is set on moving on. (I let the text sit and responded OK after dinner.) I then met up with a friend from the gym for lunch and went out to talk at a park. My S15 and I picked up my sister after work to pick up her car then we went to have dinner out. Got my son set up for his pie of homework and then went to the dog park with my pooch and met some nice people there showing them how I trained my dog. It's been a week since I have seen W and I've pretty much gone dark. My gut is telling me this is not working. Having these reactions to W show me that I have not detached and I have along way to go but it also makes me think with my W actions (she has been consistent and unwavering)-she stand firm on wanting to end our R. With feelings of despair what should/can I do? Things look bleak. Thank you for your support and input.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Hey Steve85 your last post hit me like Psalm 46:10 Be still know that I am God. Thanks for the uplifting statement.
Yesterday I did my morning routine and headed to the hills early before the sun became too hot. Interesting thought came to my mind as I have been now cycling for over two weeks. As approach a hill I try to gain momentum as to get as far up the hill possible. Usually about 3/4 of the way up I tend to slow down and have to really work hard to keep momentum even at times working strenuously to crest the hill. Here is where the pain becomes very intense some times I need to get of my saddle and spin the rest of the way up. In these moments of intense pain I place the focus on the 2 feet in front of my wheel at to not pay attention to the steep incline. Now I know if I push and pull hard enough I will eventually reach the top- My pain will substantially subside and I will be momentarily rewarded with a view so beautiful where I can see for miles atop the hill and then this cycle continues where I can temporarily rest till the next hill. The analogy being this difficult journey that I am on Is like my cycling journey. When I first started -my first run was pretty slow getting my legs and endurance back like BD the rug was pulled from under my feet. As this journey proceeds it becomes a little easier each time but I still have to encounter these difficulties (hills) regularly. It is these moments that I have to really focus on my present feeling( the 2 feet in front of my tire) work hard and know that it will only be intense pain for a short amount of time before I am rewarded. This cycle will repeat it self over and over until I have conquered my journey. Just thought I'd share. Have a blessed day!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Hey Steve85 your last post hit me like Psalm 46:10 Be still know that I am God. Thanks for the uplifting statement.
Yesterday I did my morning routine and headed to the hills early before the sun became too hot. Interesting thought came to my mind as I have been now cycling for over two weeks. As approach a hill I try to gain momentum as to get as far up the hill possible. Usually about 3/4 of the way up I tend to slow down and have to really work hard to keep momentum even at times working strenuously to crest the hill. Here is where the pain becomes very intense some times I need to get of my saddle and spin the rest of the way up. In these moments of intense pain I place the focus on the 2 feet in front of my wheel at to not pay attention to the steep incline. Now I know if I push and pull hard enough I will eventually reach the top- My pain will substantially subside and I will be momentarily rewarded with a view so beautiful where I can see for miles atop the hill and then this cycle continues where I can temporarily rest till the next hill. The analogy being this difficult journey that I am on Is like my cycling journey. When I first started -my first run was pretty slow getting my legs and endurance back like BD the rug was pulled from under my feet. As this journey proceeds it becomes a little easier each time but I still have to encounter these difficulties (hills) regularly. It is these moments that I have to really focus on my present feeling( the 2 feet in front of my tire) work hard and know that it will only be intense pain for a short amount of time before I am rewarded. This cycle will repeat it self over and over until I have conquered my journey. Just thought I'd share. Have a blessed day!
Outstanding Lonewlf!
H: 47 W:49 M: 17 BD: 5/20/18 OM discovered - still in contact as of 06/07/18. W says she is moving out 9/1/18
That was really beautiful. Thank you for sharing that metaphor with us.
In terms of feeling like it is not working, I get you. I often feel the same way. I have to keep reminding myself about what "it" is. "It" needs to be becoming the best man you can be, the lighthouse, your very best self. If that is the focus, we can control the outcome. When "it" is the relationship, then we are running around trying to control things that are beyond our control, and trying to control other people who have their own problems and desires and who need to work through them on their own and at their own pace.
Take deep breathes and keep on pedaling. You got this.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
I have a question with fathers day coming up. What is W calls or texts asking to get together as a family to celebrate fathers day? Should I make plans now so that I she can see I am in the process of moving on? Do I talk with my S15 when it happens and see how he feels? Do I just say thanks and decline? Not sure it would happen but I know this has been a tradition in the past. Any thoughts? Thanks again!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
I wouldn't consult S15, I would just go ahead and make plans with him. And with your dad if he is still alive. Father's day is about fathers, and you are not her father. I would leave her out of plans and then if she contacts you about it you already have plans.
Enjoy the day with your awesome S15! (P.S. I wish I had such a good relationship with my D14......)
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
