Doodler - I come from and live in a very rural area. So I am actually in fact my own cousin. My paternal grandparents who had the same birthdate were I believe 2nd cousins once removed.
I like to look at it as selective breeding rather than in-breeding. In fact if I hadn't gone off to university to study mathematics I might have ended up looking around for which ever cousin I looked the least like
My ex-wife used to joke that I only married her to get fresh blood into the lineage.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I love visiting this neck of the woods. Everyone seems to talk about normal stuff and not necessarily filled with all the anxiety and stress over on the MLC and Newconers boards.
Very refreshing!
Oh and don't dis our royals doodler!! Havent you noticed they've run out of eligible family and are now looking over on your side if the globe!! :0)
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Oh and don't dis our royals doodler!! Havent you noticed they've run out of eligible family and are now looking over on your side if the globe!! :0)
Coly,
Harry thinks he's so cool. I'd like to slap Harry's sassy face with my white glove. You may be laughing now, but mark my words, Trump is going to wallop Harry with a huge export tariff on Meghan Markle. Harry will rue the day and James Bond won't be able to fix it for him.
According to my Mother there is some sort of connection between my ancestors and past kings of Scotland and I am certainly a Monarchist. Not the sort that wears silly hats and holds their pinky out when drinking lager, but one who believes in the unifying power of a symbol.
On the other hand, my ancestors were thrown out of Venezuela for as the governor stated in his letter being "drunken idle Scotsmen". My ex-wife thought that we hadn't changed much since then
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
On the other hand, my ancestors were thrown out of Venezuela for as the governor stated in his letter being "drunken idle Scotsmen".
I think I can one-up that...
Most of my ancestors where cesspools of human desire and none of them really knew who their actual parents were. In fact, my mother told me that while she was pregnant with me, she wasn't sure I was her baby. My family tree is one level deep, and there's even some question about that.
Mine are almost exclusively engineers except for the one that was a brewer with one leg.
Largely called Joseph on both sides (or Josephine). I have absolutely no idea what that means except they globe trotted building things and repairing things.
Kept them busy and out of waywardism and into nurd world. But then I am Celtic and Norwegian. My DNA results say so.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
This is starting to sound like "The Three Yorkshiremen" skit from Monty Python. Something leads me to doubt the veracity of doodler's comments though
V - I often joke that our family is so poor that we can only afford a few names. I have a cousin who has an auto repair business in my village with the same first name as I do. I often get calls for him after hours since I live in the village and he lives outside it. The doctor's office is used to my clarification that I'm "the older better looking one". Many of my ancestors are also named John but my mother almost put a stop to that saying "there are too damned many Johns in this family". My one brother is David John and named his son Jack which was how my grandfather John Charles went.
I worked from home yesterday and it was busy with a number of issues to deal with. I had yet another tattoo removal appointment (takes bloody forever) and S23 got a ride with me to the local city as he wanted to get a new phone to replace his that had been getting unreliable probably due to the dust and dirt in his construction job. His new one is dust resistant.
We had a pretty good time listening to exciting podcasts like YNAB (You Need A Budget), Bloomberg Markets and one of my current favourites Tides of History (highly recommended - available through wondery) We stopped at a french fry truck I know of to pick up "dinner" on the way home and he got a poutine which he quite enjoyed despite it being made with shredded cheese instead of curds.
On the way home I mentioned another lady who I was thinking of reaching out to to get to know better. She is roughly my age and we have mutual friends. She is often the first to press "like" on anything I put on instagram and we had a lunch together about a year ago when she accidentally and coincidentally just happened to be at the bake shop with our mutual friend on her day off when I made my regular stop. Unusually, S23 quickly and vocally told me that he thought it was a bad idea. He grew up with one of her daughters (5 kids at least 2 fathers). So - not someone for me to explore a relationship with. One of the good things about small towns is that everybody does indeed know everyone.
When we got home the person that S23 knew who said that they would drop off air conditioners for us did indeed drop off one. I had thought they were doing 2 - no problem. S23 was slightly annoyed with me when after he got it upstairs that I suggested to him that texting them a nice thank-you would be appropriate. He had already done so which was good. He's not usually prompt on such social things.
Since I had to go into the home-office to check on some work things, I also posted a picture of my laser burned arm on Facebook with a caption of Tattoo Regrets. A lot of people will get tattoos on a whim thinking they are easy to get rid of. They're not. I got some nice comments including a very sweet one from a former colleague who went through her own fairly bad divorce about 2 1/2 years ago. I've always liked her - perhaps I should reach out at some time.
I was a bit disturbed a few hours later when I got a direct message from a married lady of my acquaintance asking if I was still in the city where I got the zapping done and if she and I could get together for coffee and she would provide me with pain relievers. She's "sort of" my niece. She's the daughter of my oldest sisters partner and about my age. We met about 2 years ago at her dad's funeral. I counter suggested that I would be happy to see her and her family if they happened to be around with my sister makes a planned visit this summer.
On the subject of visits - I had a good long call with D25 on Tuesday as I may have mentioned. I hope to visit her and her H in September and we might hit a bunch of museums in DC as part of it. It's difficult to plan because the movements of her H's ship are not only semi-unpredictable but also an official military secret so if she did know she can't tell me. We'll figure something out.
Surprisingly I also heard about my ex from a mutual acquaintance. It seems that she is continuing to be angsty and sad and lonely on Facebook at least. This has been going on for a few days and is unusual given her essential radio silence since she left. Perhaps she got dumped by OM again. No way for me to know. She is coming up on some milestones of her own. I believe she put her feet on the path that led her away around her 50th birthday when she spent a weekend with her cheating, selfish sister who hates me. She'll be turning 53 in a few days and no I won't be sending a card. She has a family reunion coming on this weekend which we all used to be active in and is usually a pit of lively gossip and vipers. She did a very dramatic exit from being one of the organizers burning bridges as she was walking over them but I think she went there last year. No clue if she took OM with her or not. It's also coming up on 2 years since she got the "courage" to actually leave the home and family she had had for more than half her life. Father's day is in a week or so as well and this will be her first with no father (except OM) in her life. Perhaps she's getting thoughtful.
Part of me hopes that she does end up with a life where she will be involved in her children's lives again but she's not my responsibility to help or to fix. She's just another bill to pay each month. I'm not where Irish is where he actively has positive thoughts for his ex but even though I still feel the pain some days, I don't actively wish her ill.
Anyhoodles. Time for me to pour my tea and get my shower and head in to the office.
A bien tot mes ami.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I'm glad that you're still posting and sharing your life with us. I enjoy reading your story.
Quote:
I'm at the point these days where I do wish that his mother would step up and do some of the parenting as well but she doesn't and I don't expect her to.
Your son is 23. What kind of parenting do you wish she would step up and do? Your daughter is only 2 years older... married and living in another country without any help from you! I think you should continue to encourage DS to be more independent. I don't know how much money he makes, if he could afford to get a place of his own any time in the near future. But that should be a goal of his that he's actively working towards.
You often post that you don't have a mind-reading hat/turban, but many times in your posts you mention what XW may be thinking or doing. I was glad to see you mentioned her hardly at all in your last post!!! Who knows why she is posting sad stuff on facebook. Maybe she's looking for attention. Maybe she really is sad. It doesn't matter as you're fired from that job. Most people post happy stuff just to show how great their life is, even when it's not so good. Keep focusing on yourself and your life. Who cares what she is thinking/doing? Get rid of her stuff that she never picked up. Continue to be the best Andrew that you can be. Someone only a fool would leave.
I once asked a psychic how I can help my XH and his relationship with our kids. He looked at me like, "why would you even bother with that?" or maybe it was "are you crazy?!" He flipped over a card and told me to let things be. Their relationship is theirs and there isn't anything I can do to help. Since then, I've stopped wondering about how their relationship is going and just let things be. They seem to have grown into healthy relationships over the years.
Next time you're around a pretty lady who's close to your age that you'd like to get to know (single too, of course), ask her out! See if she'd like to meet for a cup of coffee or dessert sometime. Something laid back and casual that won't take very much time. If things go well, you can always make lunch plans for the next date.
I know your kids are older, but I don't think they should be actively involved with your dating. I imagine that it's weird for them to see their parent with someone else and they'd rather not think about either of you on a date with someone and what may or may not be happening in that relationship.
The parenting that I wish my ex would do would be to actually interact with her children. She's not seen her daughter since 2015 and despite only living a few miles away rarely sees her son. Being there for them. Asking about their day. Helping for example S23 run his errands. Feeding him regularly (my grocery bill is not small since he moved home )
You are absolutely correct though - it is what it is and there's nothing I can do about it. I continue to have admiration for single parents of children who require far more active parenting than what mine take.
As far as the dating thing goes, I'm don't think I'm "actively involving" them but rather letting them know that I'm looking but not as yet acting so that when I am dating someone that it's not a surprise to them and to give them time to get used to the idea. I also value their opinion and if there were someone who I was interested in being involved with that they did not accept, their veto would rule.
As far as my ex-wife and her travails go - I continue to worry about her circling back. I'm very very torn as to what I would do. I came here because I was devoted to her and wanted to "save my marriage" and was willing to walk through burning mud to do that at the beginning. Yes we are divorced. I've got a piece of paper with a court stamp on it that says so. I have no legal obligations towards her at all beyond sending her a cheque once a month. It could be said that she released me from my moral obligations the first time she slept with OM even though I didn't know it at the time. In almost all ways I have let her go from my heart and my mind.
I struggle though to know the "right" path on a "what if". For now it is forward and eventually with a new relationship if that is what is written in the stars for me. She has not called my name that I can hear and if she did - what do I answer? I know what all of the people around me IRL suggest with the exception of my children who are silent on the matter and whom I do not discuss this with.
I don't know the answer to that. When I detect echos of the woman that was, real or imagined, I get confused. Perhaps it is because I am human and once loved with a love so powerful and profound that it was a key part of who I once was. And who I was made me the man that I am.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
