Sounds to me like your subconscious is telling you that the W is trying to hurt you and you have been waiting and tolerating it. Probably because you have hurt her. Just My Two Cents.
Logic would say that you might consider how you may have hurt her. What you might do with this info is another subject.
For the record, I don't believe that dreams indicate what the other person might be wanting to do.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Not asking for specifics, but have you considered how you may have hurt her?
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
RR -Thru this difficult process after the BD one goes thru various phases of questioning ones behaviors, motives and results. Often times we even question our self worth. With this comes self reflection to examine who are. What we did. How well it worked. Thru my self reflection I have realized where my W and I may have began to go on different paths. I have also seen the consequence of the action or lack there of and the way it played out. Having said that I take full ownership of my part in the deterioration of this relationship. I truly feel that what has transpired is fully repairable. I also understand that even tho 2 people experience the same thing- You may get 2 totally different perspectives on what happened. What I deem repairable may seem irreparable to my W. This time of self reflection has also given me a time for growth and should there be a recon I will be more prepared for the journey. I hope this helps. Blessings!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
You will always get two completely different experiences.
I know I had to stop trying to fix my marriage (control) stop trying to fix my W, before I started to really look at it from her perspective. At first I was too busy defending mine. I had to become result oriented from the standpoint of what I do have control over (me) and what would give W the best opportunity to come around. And that is all it is, an opportunity.
The rules talk about really listening and I think this is why. What is she saying? Not when she is just trying to win an argument or simple hurt you but when she lets these seemingly secret nuggets out. Acknowledging these issues when the time comes will be a major key to success.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Update- I spoke in detail to my S teachers more so the one subject that he is struggling with. I had discussed with his teacher that due to his current situation he empty and unmotivated. Based upon his past marks I had asked the teacher for more support and an extension on his current BIG project(worth 10%of his year) due tomorrow. His teacher was very receptive acknowledging S as a good student undergoing a terrible transition in life. That said, she gave him an extension also giving him an opportunity to rectify a bad mark along with additional help on the weekend should he need more help she will volunteer her time at the local library. WOW! She stated at the current time his mark is 55% but a bad project and a fail in the last exam will make him fail his course. I assured her that I will do everything in my power to support and assist him in passing her class. The other teacher I had spoken seem to feel that S is a good student he is passing the other classes but they too are aware that S is in turmoil.
Lastly b/c S has so many things to do and catch up on - he has asked me to reach out to W because he was supposed to have a meal; at her place tonight. Simply put- I had asked him if he wanted to have a meal at her place - no pressure. I told him I would support his decision either way. He said to text W to let her know that he was too busy and was not able to go. W test back Thanks for letting me know- have a good nite!. I did not text back thinking it was pursuit. That's it for now.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Update- I spoke in detail to my S teachers more so the one subject that he is struggling with. I had discussed with his teacher that due to his current situation he empty and unmotivated. Based upon his past marks I had asked the teacher for more support and an extension on his current BIG project(worth 10%of his year) due tomorrow. His teacher was very receptive acknowledging S as a good student undergoing a terrible transition in life. That said, she gave him an extension also giving him an opportunity to rectify a bad mark along with additional help on the weekend should he need more help she will volunteer her time at the local library. WOW! She stated at the current time his mark is 55% but a bad project and a fail in the last exam will make him fail his course. I assured her that I will do everything in my power to support and assist him in passing her class. The other teacher I had spoken seem to feel that S is a good student he is passing the other classes but they too are aware that S is in turmoil.
Lastly b/c S has so many things to do and catch up on - he has asked me to reach out to W because he was supposed to have a meal; at her place tonight. Simply put- I had asked him if he wanted to have a meal at her place - no pressure. I told him I would support his decision either way. He said to text W to let her know that he was too busy and was not able to go. W test back Thanks for letting me know- have a good nite!. I did not text back thinking it was pursuit. That's it for now.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
update- Did my daily routine went to the gym and it seems my confidence must be getting better. Anyways, I m on the eliptical trainer doing my cardio. A woman who I chat small talk with takes the machine next to me. Shes a nice woman cute with some extra pounds. She opens up to me tell me she is divorced and goes on about how she disappointment with online dating sites. To this regard, she says she would rather meet a person IRL like me. That's when she shows me this flirty smile. She then says she was looking for Mr Right but would settle for Mr Right Now -still smiling. I may be reading into this too far but to get this type of attention is like -WOW. Another gym regular- recently mentioned to me also that I have been really upbeat lately. I kinda hit me that I'm getting my mojo back- either that or I'm faking it real well. Anyways I went from there to job hunting- I haven't heard back from any of the companies and will be following them up today. Spent time at dinner with S and made sure he was set up well for all the homework needed to be done and then went to the hills for a bike ride. To get attention like this after being starved of compliments and attention for a while is somewhat overwhelming- but I guess there must be a transformation happening. Cheers!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
