Reason for mediation would only be financial. A's cost way too much. I do not know if that can even be avoided at all as my W is still in her fog phase I am very aware of the timeline. Unfortunately, I am experiencing some issues that could require a relocation, job opportunity with equity and the ability to gt myself and my children back to a better quality of life for our futures. Whether W wants to be a part or not, she is on her own timeline.
Would it be possible for you to continue with your relocation and settling the kids in while your W still makes up her mind about the D? Let her worry about it, I am in my own DB infancy stage but putting your life on hold for this to finalize need not happen. Carry on with your plans, but plan just for yourself and the kids, she should be on her own. It should be that you and the kids are going on life's jolly ride and she can stay back and decide if she wants to catch up or drop out. As and when she decides, she can set up mediation and everything else without you having to do any of it. Sometimes I wish my H was so unsure, it would at least give me some time. He is now like a speeding train crushing everyone in his way to the D station.
I would gladly agree to that as I believe this would give her an out in her decision and the fresh start might be a new beginning for all of us. I am not banking on this, but it is a possibility. Most of the problem comes with the business. If I sign everything and my W and I don't have everything worked out, she has some rights to the equity portion at that time. Life is definitely not all about money, but I don't want to get wrapped up in some long D or litigation or forced to liquidate something that would then put me and the kids in a worse position. Really thought W was going to push for things yesterday. Sometimes you can just feel "the talk" coming on. But nothing happened last night. Quiet evening, good run late yesterday. Even watched a little tv with the W. She actually got up and got us both a snack and made sure to let me know ( as she placed it in between us) that it was for both of us. I'm sure the loops and drops on the roller coaster are coming and I am preparing and prepared for them so I don't get sucked in a react. I am not waiting on her either. As you see, I am searching for way to improve myself, my life and my children's lives.
M51 W44 T21 M18 D14 S11 BD date 9/17 W filed 02/18 W withdrew petition following week In house separation 03/18 In Limbo and DB'ing since 03/18 W is moving out by mid Nov 2018 A drawing up paperwork 11/18
JS, avoid initiating R discussions. If she does just listen and validate. My W came back to the MR once I stopped initiating R talks, and we just had fun (her words). Not sure it works with everyone's W but it can't hurt to try.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks Steve! I avoid (or do my best as I make mistakes) initiating any talk of our R.
Funny you mention the fun word. It is one thing I told my W several months ago that ALL (kids included) of us just need to have some fun and enjoy life.
Question on that. If we are supposed to have fun, and I would love that. How do I approach her to do something together without it seeming like pursuit? Do I say something like "I'm going to go and see this movie, would you like to join me?" or "I think we both need to get out without the kids, let's go to dinner." Just looking for thoughts and ideas.
So desperately need fun!!!! It would be magnificent to see her and I relaxed, out and laughing together.
Still db'ing, Steve, you just gave me a moment to reflect.
M51 W44 T21 M18 D14 S11 BD date 9/17 W filed 02/18 W withdrew petition following week In house separation 03/18 In Limbo and DB'ing since 03/18 W is moving out by mid Nov 2018 A drawing up paperwork 11/18
So yeah, just make a suggestion. Also, if you got out of the habit of doing things with the family, get back into it.
One of the things I did in Jan. and Feb. was started going to my daughter's HS basketball games with wife and daughter. (My D didn't play this year as a freshman, though she played from 5-8th grade, though the HS coach is working on her to join the team.) At first my W was resistant to it, but as I remain consistent that I was going she finally accepted it, and then embraced it.
So yeah, on a Saturday morning say "we should all go here and do this" and see if she is willing. The nice thing about a suggestion is it gives you wiggle room. If you don't want to go without her, then there is no pressure to. But if you decide you and the kids are still going to go without her then you have that option too.
But the fun is more than just going to do things, it is the conversation you have throughout the day. Text her funny little things that happen at work, or with the kids. No response necessary.
Some of that is slight pursuit, but your sitch has moved to a point where a little pursuit may not hurt. Keep your finger on the pulse, if you see her retreating, then stop doing those things. One of the things I did was I would call her with a non-logistic, fun topic each morning around 10am. Texting works just as well. It got to where she came to expect it. And while initially she was "why are you calling?" afraid I was starting a R discussion, eventually she embraced it and I sometimes I couldn't get her off the phone. (That was a good feeling by the way, after weeks of her not being interested in talking to me.)
That kind of pursuit is not appropriate for most people's sitches, but if she is making you TV watching snacks, it might work in yours.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks Steve. I will work on those suggestions and hopefully there can be something I can come across that will work for us. I think the daily communication thing is too early. Right now, I believe she has to still come to grips and get out of her fog and see reality and realize that I can and will make it without her. I, of course, would rather not, but I know I can.
M51 W44 T21 M18 D14 S11 BD date 9/17 W filed 02/18 W withdrew petition following week In house separation 03/18 In Limbo and DB'ing since 03/18 W is moving out by mid Nov 2018 A drawing up paperwork 11/18
