WW in MLC affair and I need advice..

[Ginger1]

First, I want to say I know how difficult this all is and how painful it is to have your kids around the OP.

It was the absolute biggest struggle I had with this, I had to deal with it when my daughter was not even a year old.

I have to tell you though. You can ask her to keep him away from the kids, but..... if she chooses not to, there is nothing you can do about it. I tried like heck to keep OW away from my daughter. Didnt work. There is no legal recourse.

So I just chose to know as little as I could. Dont press the kids. Youll just find out what you dont want to know and the. Have no control over it.

[Ginger1]

Well, I guess my phone can only handle one word

[sandi2]

So happy to hear you had a wonderful time on your trip!

Were you surprised when you got home and discovered she had removed her things?

Then continued it's time to stop putting the kids first and to put herself first.

And there it is! ^^^^^^^^^ The WW slogan! This is not an original statement. It is WW script. I mean, what mother of little children would make such a selfish remark? A mother who is wayward, that's who.

I told my wife that I want it to be clear that the only men that need to be in our daughters lives are myself and their two grandfathrts. She said she respects my wish

Two things here......(1) You can't control who she brings into your daughters lives. Sorry, but when the couple separates, she can do pretty much whatever she wants, as long as there is no solid proof of child maltreatment. (2) She lied. She doesn't respect your wishes, which she has made abundantly clear by her actions.

Around this same time I got confirmation that D5 told my mom that my W and two daughters had gone out to eat and mini golf with OM and his D

See what I mean? You can't believe anything your WW says.

Is it right for me to ask my Daughters if they ever see him again? I know I can't control my WW but don't want the kids brought into this more than needed.

I don't think kids should be asked those type of questions. If you keep your ears opened, you'll probably be able to tell.......if they feel they can talk freely in front of you. However, if they detect that daddy gets upset when they talk about mommy, then they won't volunteer information. You don't know that mommy won't be telling them it's their little secret and not to share with daddy. I hate to see parents do this to their kids. They need to feel safe in telling you anything.....and not worry how you may react. Even if you knew she was dating, what could you do about it? To her, your feelings about what she does is inconsequential.

I'm at a different stage than I've ever been and looking for a few key pointers that have helped other separated folks?

Those who have been successful at reconciling.....and those who were successful in surviving a D, have said the most key points are to drop the rope and make a new life without your spouse. You really must let go of your need to control what she does. That is very important, b/c it will drive you crazy and your focus will be on her instead of where it needs to be. She's chosen this path and now you have to let her go. Someday she may return to you, but I don't think it will happen for some time. She has to experience life without you. If her life without you is not what she expected, then she may come knocking at your door. However, if she remains in the grip of waywardness, she may settle for a much less desirable lifestyle rather than return to her MR. Those words may sting, and I'm sorry if that's not what you want to hear. They are facts we see every day. It may not make sense........but it happens in many, many lives.

I am so sorry for you and the children. It is heartbreaking to see a family torn apart. Let yourself grieve over it, and try your best to let go and heal. FWIW, I suspect you will have the kids more than 50%, once your WW has to actually deal with a few parental responsibilities alone. I suspect she'll still depend, maybe even expect, you to rescue her whenever she is inconvenienced. Be prepared for more guilting from her whenever you don't comply.....since that seems to be her favorite card of manipulation.

((hugs))

[TBSakaJ9]

N, very sorry to hear. There are several of us on the board that have young kids that have gone through the same thing. What Sandi said is 100% correct, time to let go and focus on yourself and the kids. I will help all I can based on what I went through. My EW told me the same thing before she moved out.....she knew she was being selfish but she didnt care, that desire was stronger than her desire to keep our family together.

It really stinks but I can tell you that your kids will be happy handle the situation properly.

[Ginger1]

Now I am on my PC, let me try this again.

The worst part of the bomb drop was finding out days before my first mother's day that there was an OW. which I suspected, but had my proof. The thought of him leaving me for OW was enough. The thought of my not even year old baby being around this woman..... my God did the mama bear come out in me!

I demanded, begged, threatened, for him to never bring her around my daughter. He didn't listen, of course. Truth be told, I had no recourse. I wouldn't press your kids on them spending time together because there is nothing you can do about it. That is the cold, hard, reality. ANd I am truly sorry for it, because I know how it feels.

Fast forward 10 years and my ex has been married to this woman for 7 of them. She is my daughter's stepmother. But I will tell you, my daughter knows I AM HER MOTHER!! I can assure you, that you will always be Daddy.

[Natash]

Thank you guys and girls for the advice, compliments, recommendations, and support. I was not surprised my WW moved her stuff out but I was surprised by her timing and that she took everything.

Update/journaling/ and any advice or critiques welcome:

Sunday was a big day for me. I have never lived alone and it was the first day in my new world. In the past, my w did all the groceries and cooking. Since BD I've started to learn to make meals, assisted with groceries several times and got them one weerk on my own. I decided that Sunday id plan the meals for the week and let my girls pick which meals they wanted to have while they were with me (Determined by my W to be Saturday thru Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday with her,etc). I took the girls to Walmart and who's vehicle for they spot? Mom's. It wasn't too far into the store we run into my W who is struggling. The first thing she says after saying hi is " can I have a hug" while breaking down crying. I struggled here because I know I need to be careful of the WW and waterworks. A small part of me felt bad but I was glad she saw me making it on my own. I felt a boost of confidence. I am fully capable of planning and shopping for the meals while spending time and having fun with my girls. I did give her a hug as i figured it was the right thing to do especially in front of my girls. She asked me if I needed help and I said "nah, D7 knows where most of the stuff is" She continued to follow us around for a bit checking out what I had picked up and Wondering what we were going to have for meals. I acted uninterested and focused on shopping. It was almost as if in her mind it was like old times when we would go shopping and push two carts around.

Later that day she texted me and asked if she could have the girls some since it was Mother's day. I reminded her that this separation was her idea and her timeframe and the kid schedule was set by her...she could have waited a week until after mother's day. In the end, I did say she could have the girls for a few hours. I knew that if Father's day was her day with the girls, I'd appreciate a few hours with them too. She picked the girls up at noon and texted me at 2:30 "when would youike the girls back?" Mr NG would have said whenever so I replied ASAP. When WW got home I had just got my tractor stuck in a wet spot in the lawn and was getting my truck to pull it out. WW says "so glad I hurried the girls back and all your doing is mowing, I could have spent more time with them" I said I was mowing but now am stuck. I won't be mowing now the girls are here. We need to finish building the trampoline (a Xmas gift to daughters from WW an I) and get ready to go to an early dinner out with my mom. She replied oh, ok then. I took my mom and dad out with the girls and I and we had a nice meal and time together.

Monday morning my wife delivered D7 fleece jacket by hanging it on the door knob on her way to work...she walked right by the trampoline. Monday night I get a text "can I come see the trampoline tomorrow night?" I started to respond " It looks the same as it did this morning. Something smells fishy, what do you really want?" I thought about it for a bit, erased it all and replied "sure". As much as I wanted to be sarcastic, I want to be the lighthouse more. Tuesday morning right off, I get a text from WW (keep in mind it has been three nights but only one full day of not seeing the girls). She says she is struggling, doesn't know what to do but wants to change the schedule as five days with one parent is too much. I told her I tried voicing that concern and was told "everyone else does this schedule and we'll adjust." She admitted it probably isn't the best even if everyone else she talked with followed it. I told her we'd have to sit down face to face and discuss this new 2-2-3 schedule before I could answer. So Tuesday night she came over to "see the trampoline" after working late. she texted me to tell me she had worked late to gain hours she'd be missing and that she just left work (I'll touch base on the hours gained Shortly) but I was surprised as even when living at home these past 4 months she wouldn't update me via a text. I had made tacos and used the rest of the hamburger and made meatballs for spaghetti in the future. I told the WW there is enough tacos that she could have some if she'd like so she sat down and the four of us had a meal. She thanked me and uncharacteristically picked up her plate, rinsed it, and put it in the dishwasher. I shouldn't have but I said " you haven't done any of that in the past, no need to start now" She said she's a big girl and can handle it. So back to the extra time my wife accrued...she told me she was going to get out of work each day the girls are with her two hours early. Up until now, the girls always came to my office after school where Grammy (my mom) helped watch them. I said to my W, it seems you are trying to avoid going there. She said "I am, I don't won't to face your mother. She never liked me until we had kids". I told her that wasnt true and there is no need to have anxiety around my mother (my w does not know but my M has been kept in the loop all along and has not treated my WW any different than normal). I told my W that if she changed the kids afternoon schedule, it's one more change for then to deal with and my parents enjoy spending an hour each day with their grandkids. I let her know it will be ok and if she feels anxious or awkward at all to let me know. My W in tears thanked me and said she'd try it out.
I suggested to my W to take the girls the next two nights and I'll switch Thursday night with her. So she did.

Today went well with her picking up the girls at my work but tonight she called me crying saying D5 has cried all night long.She asked her if she wanted to go back and be with dad and he said no. nothing was working. "I don't know what to do, do they cry all the time when with you?" she said. I so wanted to say yoy walked out on your marriage and family, the girls are heart broken and now your coming to me for answers? Instead I said "I don't know what to tell you" This upset her as sshe started to talk and said never mind. I spoke up and said please don't start explaining something and cut it short with nevermind. She continued on by saying she was looking for some help and didn't know what to do. I asked her if she had comforted my D5 and tried talking with her. She hadn't but said she'd try. I viewed this as my W is unable to appease her own child and WW actions are causing W more grief than she had planned oon. I got to talk with both my Daughters at bed time and got D5 to calm down a bit. Later on I got a text from WW saying everything was better,she was just dealing with three emotional girls.

On another note, I have a few things of my W around the house like her dresser and her cat. She said she'd come get the cat but hasnt and would get the dresser later. I'm working on dropping the rope and don't want reminders/belongings around. The cat was a gift from me to her (and i Don't like cats). Is now the right time to tell the w her stuff is in the garage and to come get it? Deliver the cat to her? Or would it be best to hold off a little bit?

[sandi2]

I decided that Sunday id plan the meals for the week and let my girls pick which meals they wanted to have while they were with me (Determined by my W to be Saturday thru Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday with her,etc

Wait, are you saying she will have the girls only two days out of the week? Wednesday & Thrusady.....sounds about right. Leaves long weekends opened for her. Well, she'll change it around a dozen times b/c nothing is going to work well for her.

WW says "so glad I hurried the girls back and all your doing is mowing, I could have spent more time with them"

I realize the nice guy in you is in the habit of giving her explanations or accountability for everything you do, but all that changes now. Yoir time and what you do when the girls are there, is none of her business. She wanted to have free weekends, and several holidays fall on Sunday......guess she didn't consider that into her plans. Anyway, you were kind enough to let her have the kids awhile on Mother's Day......then she grips at you b/c you had been mowing? You gave her way too much explanation. Break yourself from this habit, b/c she has fired you, remember? You owe her no explanations.......especially detailed ones.

Instead I said "I don't know what to tell you" This upset her as sshe started to talk and said never mind. I spoke up and said please don't start explaining something and cut it short with nevermind. She continued on by saying she was looking for some help and didn't know what to do. I asked her if she had comforted my D5 and tried talking with her. She hadn't but said she'd try. I viewed this as my W is unable to appease her own child and WW actions are causing W more grief than she had planned oon. I got to talk with both my Daughters at bed time and got D5 to calm down a bit. Later on I got a text from WW saying everything was better,she was just dealing with three emotional girls

.

I told you this would happen. She can't even get through the first night with them, without calling you to rescue her. Of course it hard on D5. I saw my GD5 go through the same thing, and it will tear your heart out.

Is now the right time to tell the w her stuff is in the garage and to come get it? Deliver the cat to her? Or would it be best to hold off a little bit?

Sounds like unnecessary work, moving the dresser and things into the garage and then calling her. I would ask her when she was going to get the rest of her things, and if she just brushes it off...then move it to the garage and not say anymore about it. The cat, however, is another story. I mean, it's not like she has to build an outdoor pen for it. Next time she comes by the house, hand her the cat and tell her to take it home with her.

[Natash]

Checking in and updating:

I decided that Sunday id plan the meals for the week and let my girls pick which meals they wanted to have while they were with me (Determined by my W to be Saturday thru Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday with her,etc

Wait, are you saying she will have the girls only two days out of the week? Wednesday & Thrusady.....sounds about right. Leaves long weekends opened for her. Well, she'll change it around a dozen times b/c nothing is going to work well for her.

Yes, she had them two days, then two days off, then three days and the following week it's opposite. I found out this past Friday, WW went to a concert and MIL watched my girls. She told them at bedtime it was too late to call me and say goodnight. I told both my girls no matter what time of the day or night, if they call me I will answer.

WW says "so glad I hurried the girls back and all your doing is mowing, I could have spent more time with them"

I realize the nice guy in you is in the habit of giving her explanations or accountability for everything you do, but all that changes now. Yoir time and what you do when the girls are there, is none of her business. She wanted to have free weekends, and several holidays fall on Sunday......guess she didn't consider that into her plans. Anyway, you were kind enough to let her have the kids awhile on Mother's Day......then she grips at you b/c you had been mowing? You gave her way too much explanation. Break yourself from this habit, b/c she has fired you, remember? You owe her no explanations.......especially detailed ones.

Thank you for pointing that out. I like the example of I've been fired and will keep that in mind. I gave her too much response, attention and my time over that.

Sounds like unnecessary work, moving the dresser and things into the garage and then calling her. I would ask her when she was going to get the rest of her things, and if she just brushes it off...then move it to the garage and not say anymore about it. The cat, however, is another story. I mean, it's not like she has to build an outdoor pen for it. Next time she comes by the house, hand her the cat and tell her to take it home with her.

Well I haven't moved the dresser and will let it stay where it is for now, like you said unnecessary work at this point. The cat however got discussed before I read your response. I had texted we to see if she was picking the girls up at school (since she never confirmed it with me) and also asked her when she planned to pick ttbe cat. She said she needed to figure that out and then she sent another saying she needed to swap her winter tires and rims over to the summer tires and rims on her vehicle. I responded"you've had a week to figure this out, your cat and tires will be ready to be picked up after work tonight. She responded pissy saying oh well, if this is how it is going to be she would come get her bike and kayak. Then another text "last I knew it was my house too?!" I replied, the tires you mentioned being ready along with the cat have nothing to do with your bike, house, or kayak. She thanked me for the clarification.

I told my girls I was going to drop the cat off with Mom. They got upset and said then they wouldn't have a pet at home and there were already pets at Mom's. Tonight I found out my WW was planning on giving the 13 year old cat away. I told her don't bother, I'll take care of it as it would be unfare for the girls to loose a pet over this. WW offered to pay for food and litter and I excepted.

I feel I'm in a good place right now. My mood has been good this past week and I've dropped the rope. I haven't been on the forum much as it makes me think about the sitch too much so instead I've been enjoying GAL and working on myself. I've been able to make progress detatching for a few reasons. First, after a meeting with the vice president of our credit union that knows my situation, she told me that I've got a lot going for me. I'm attractive, got a good head on my shoulders, have one of the nicest homes in town, financially do well, and have a nice work ethic. She told me finding someone like myself is rare. After leaving the meeting, I got a boost in confidence. I realized I have a lot going for me and a lot to be proud of. I'm intelligent, earned two college degrees, have two happy healthy girls, a nice home, and within ten years will own my own business. If my WW doesn't appreciate me and what I have to offer then she will miss out and I know others out there would love to trade places with her.

The second reason is that back when WW was on her phone constantly after I had told her the convocation with OM had to stop, I thought I had seen a page with profiles. I began to wonder if she was on a dating site so I joined a few. I never saw her and recently logged on to one to see what was available. I realize it's not the best thing to do but I am lonely and what I found was a beautiful girl working on a bright upcoming career. She was divorced and stated she was not perfect but loyal and knew what she wanted and wouldn't settle for anything less. After reading her profile, I fit right into everything. I could not get her off my mind and wanted to start a conversation with her in the worst way.That would mean I'd need to add pictures and info to my profile! That night I woke from a dead sleep with this mystery girl on my mind.The next day I had come across something, reading about the journey I'm on and not to have a rebound relationship. Not to mention, dating while married is against my beliefs. I realized I need to forget about creating a profile and chatting. Forget about this girl if I ever wanted to R with WW so that is what I have done. Everything happens for a reason and it showed me there are other attractive women with nice careers and goals around if and when the time comes to date.

This past weekend was my first weekend/three days alone. I got to finally go to the new brewery my friends have started up. While there, another buddy I hadn't seen since summer came in so we had some beer together. I ate there, left, and joined a close friend for some more drinks while celebrating his daughters birthday. Sunday I took my new bike for a 50 mile ride and had an ice cream along a Lakeshore after mowing the lawn for two hours and working around the house.

Today I saw WW at work when she picked up my daughters. It was the first time in 8 days. It felt strange that I didn't have any thoughts. Nothing I wanted to talk about, no comments in my mind like I normally would (like dang she looks good). We briefly talked about the girls and she left. I find that I no longer care what she's up to and who it's with. This weekend I'm taking my girls and the camper camping for two nights/three days. Im almost done loading it up. Alot of work alone but I'm capable of it all. Then tonight I got offered to go whitewater rafting with a friend and ten others next weekend. I've realized my life has changed but shown myself I can do this. I know it is early and under two weeks in but I'm in control and can have the life and activities I want even if my wife is not here to support or join me. In some ways, having more freedom now is allowing me to do things I wouldn't have done in the past and I'm thankful for that.

[Natash]

Journal update:
I've have enjoyed the last seven days and am getting use to the single dad lifestyle.I took last Friday off. WW dropped off the girls with Dunkin donuts for breakfast. She even bought a donut and juice for me to have with my Daughters (I later thanked her for that). I had loaded up the camper and after breakfast took my girls camping for a few days at a beautiful state park that I had never camped at. They enjoyed riding their bikes, cooking over the fire, hiking around the park and ocean shoreline and drove up a mountain that overlooks the harbor village. Saturday morning D5 woke up with a bruised and bloodshot eye. I gave her some eye drops and we then ride bikes, hiked around and later walked to get an ice cream. My D5 only took three licks and had enough. She said her head hurt so we took an hour nap and headed in town. She still didn't seem her self and when I took them out to eat, d5 did not touch her meal once it was on the table and said her belly hurt. I left halfway through my wonderful local blueberry beer and meal thinking she was going to get sick anytime.Back at the camper she immediately laid down and that is when I decided we had to head home. I did not have my W there to watch them Incase I needed to head into town for supplies. I did not have any medicine or thermometer in case of a temperature. At this point in the trip is where I was amazed with D7. I told her we have to pack up and head home now. She knew her sister wasn't feeling well and D7 did not ask any questions or complain once. I showed her how to crank up the stabilizers, she helped me roll up the awning, move the picnic table and then she learned how to undo the wheel chocks (after I had the camper hitched to the truck). We took down camp in record time, quicker than when my A and I would do it. I was so proud of her for all the help. After getting home and taking D5 into express care, turns out she had a several head cold virus that affected her eyes and she is being treated for conjunctivitis and much better now.

On Memorial day I got invited to play golf. I went and really had fun and met a new guy (friend of a friend). I didn't play well because it was my first time golfing in 6 years but it was fun and I got invited back to my buddies house for an amazing BBQ. Several people there know my wife and I and they seem to empathize with me and my sitch. I called it a night after a few beers and several games of Cornhole. I enjoyed the short ride home on my new motorcycle.

Through out this week, I've noticed my W has texted me several times. Probably more in the last 7 days than the seven months. I find it interesting, maybe she is senseing I've dropped the rope. My D had given me a free mini golf game from when she went with W and OM. She wanted me to use it when we go. So I had plans to take them two days ago and oddly enough WW texts "I've been meaning to ask you if you had a free mini golf card of mine?" I said yeah, d5 gave it to me to use tomorrow when I take the girls. She replied " well that isy free game that I got and d5 filed it from my hands and wouldn't give it back. You can give it back to me" I replied, I'll give it to D7, you will get it back to tonight. Several hours later she texts "it's fine, I just wanted you to know" then later on "you can keep the free game card, I didn't realize they expire." Then W explained how impressive and helpful D7 was with D5 at the doctor's. I had heard enough about the free mini golf game and texted back "awesome about D7! I'm done wasting time discussing your free game. Later on she responds "well let's be honest, if you had paid for a game and won a free round you wouldn't want me to have it so when it's the other way around...well, I would have never taken it" She was acting like I took it from my Dad to get a free game and not realizing D5 was excited to give what I thought was her free card up to use. In the past I would have tried to get the.last word on if I already told ww I was done discussing it and stuck to it by not responding.WW actually called me on the phone the next night to tell me the story she had already texted me about D7 being helpful answering doctors questions about d5.She was talking and in a good mood as if it were the good old days and wanted to tell me in person because it was funnier than reading it in a text. She was talking to me like we were best friends. I found it odd but will take this over the bitchy cold withdrawn self she has been.

Yesterday I got a txt inviting me to join the w and girls at a school carnival type event tomorrow if I didn't have plans. I responded thank you you but I have plans (to go whitewater rafting) and won't be able to attend. I thought it was a nice gesture by the ww but part of me thinks it was just to make things with the family out in public look good for her. I debated last night about posting pictures to Facebook of our camping trip. Ww is suppose to be making the payment on the camper. I was concerned that if she saw the pics and realized what she is missing out on, she'd get angry and stop making payments for something that only benefit me as she has no way to haul it. Then I thought about it and said self...there are family and friends that would enjoy the pics and I'm not going to stop using Facebook if ww and I end up divorced so I'm not letting her have control over me and I posted them. Many more friends reacted or commented than I expected and surprisingly ww was one who liked them. This is the first thing I've posted in probably six months that she "liked".

Last but not least, last night I had my mom and dad over for dinner. They now come over one night a week for dinner when I have the girls. It is nice for me and the girls enjoy it. Also my youngest sister joined and now all three of my sister's are up to speed on my sitch so that was a relief in a way. D7 found out two of her aunt's were going to be in town this weekend. She wanted to make plans to see them so I told her she'd have to talk with mom(as it's mom's weekend with the girls). D7 went right to the phone And called ww. Then ww wants to talk to me and with attitude says daughters can't be put in the middle. If they want to see their aunt's (my sister's) they should be able to even if it isn't my weekend. I said we'll this is a result from a choice you made and I'm sticking to the schedule and if it is your weekend with the girls I will not make plans for or tell you what to do. She said that's not my point and here we go it's like I'm talking to a wall (raising her voice), the girls should not miss out,isn't that what you want? I said settle down and listen to me...this hasn't been about what I want so don't bring that up now. W replied, what's that supposed to mean? I said that's a conversation for a different time. She then said oh, is it about coming home cause nothing has been done on that front. You want me to come home? I responded no and you are not talking to a wall. I understand what you are saying but I don't agree ( I think changing the schedule around to benefit the opposite parent at the time can lead to issues if taken advantage of and my family does not want to be around ww until/if she shows some remorse. Anyone chime in to help clarify this situation for me? Then ww brought up a birthday that d7 was invited to (ww found the invitation when she came to the house to pick up her mail). I talked with D7 about it but did not mention it to WW because the party landed on a date I have the girls. Ww started to cry on the phone " I've always taken the girls to birthday parties since they were born". I said yes you have, and all of their doctors appointments...she cut me off crying more "this isn't the time for praise. I don't want to miss out on these events just because of our situation and the girls happen to be with you". I told her I need to say good bye to some people and I'd have to call her back. I haven't called her back and I understand what she is saying but think it is her selfishness kicking in. She didn't realize some of these consequences from her decision to separate, seperate our schedules and move out. What is the best way to handle this?

I find these interactions making me question things and try to understand or get into ww's head and I'm know that is not the right thing to do as it is pointless. It makes it harder cause I'm thinking does she want to communicate more? But she hasn't shown remorse so I need to routinely tell myself I have dropped the rope right? Detaching is easier without the constant texts that's for sure.

[Natash]

Not much has changed regarding my situation other than I've really got used to and enjoy GAL activities. I had a blast last weekend whitewater rafting and this weekend took my girls to a free outdoor celebration with bounce house, climbing wall, ice cream, face painting etc on Saturday and today I took them to a zoo and then spent the afternoon swimming in our pool for the first time this year. While at the celebration, my ww bf came up to me and said hi and asked how I'm doing. I said I'm doing all right. She shoky her head about my ww and said I'm trying to get her to read self help books but she doesn't always want to hear what I say. I told her well it's going to be her loss and my gain. Ww bf mom new about the situation and said Natash, it's time you start hanging out with another woman and that'll open her eyes or sit her down and tell her I'm moving on with my life and my girls and I am going to find someone that wants to be with me and maybe it's time to go visit an attorney. I told her that it's getting close to that but I take it one day at a time and have learned to not rush a decision especially if emotions are at play.

I found it interesting that in the past week WW posted on FB she wishes life had a reset button one day and then another she put "oh what to do on this beautiful day?" I laughed and thought " if you hadn't made the choices you have, you'de be busy enjoying the sun on the deck or in the pool playing with your family and not looking for something to do"

Today she texted me asking if I wanted to "go something together for D5s upcoming birthday" I replied go? (Not knowing if she meant get or do or something else). She came back "really you couldn't figure that out lol" Same old sarcastic self she is I see. I'm done playing mind games and told her it could have meant get and do not give me a hard time for clarifying something. I then told her I'd have to think about it and get back to her.

This is where id like suggestions.

I think it would be best for my D if we did one party together but I'm not looking forward to planning anything with ww for a few reasons. This past February I remember her telling me she needed space but if anything happened to us she wouldn't want to fight like her friend and her ex does now they are divorced and she wants to stay friends and would like to have the girls birthday parties at home still. I said we'll see come that time, the girls might want a bowling party or something. Not to mention divorce involves money and family that often brings out a fight from both sides and you have wishful thinking if you expect to be best friends. Now the time is here and I think the WW is thinking about a pool party at our beautiful home that she no longer lives at. In the past, birthday party's have been a success but huge stress. I have not been a part in the planning and it's not because I don't want to. It's because my ww and MIL would come up with ideas planning and go all out and do it all on their own hosting the party. During this time they would do all the work and then the day of the party stress to the max so neither one was fun to be around. I remember last yet MIL asked for an ice cream scoop so I went inside to get one. While I was pulling it out of the draw, she came in and grabbed a spoon and I can't wait any lot it's melting! Really, 20seconds after getting what she asked for was not fast enough. Anyways, at the end of the day the guests were happy and enjoyed the hard work my ww and mil put into the party but several last year came up to me after and asked why MIL seemed to be in a bad mood. I told them she stresses out until it's over and realizes everyone had fun. My wife is the same way. I didn't like being around her until the party was well underway before and definitely don't look forward to it now we are separated! She handles stress poorly even though most of the stress is self induced on that day. However, if I can suck it up and plan this with my ww, it would be a 180 so I'm thinking I should say "yes, let's plan something together. Are you thinking about having a pool party? "

I've done such a good job detatching lately. However, she does seem to find a reason to text me daily about the girls... yesterday it was " did you remember sunscreen? I think she talked with bff and learned we had attended the outdoor celebration/BBQ. I ignored it and didn't respond. I feel I have dropped the rope and wonder what it will be like having her back at home for the day around family and friends, many of them that do not agree with what she has done and don't care to be art her until she shows remorse.