Don't fall for crumbs and don't change your approach. Remember, he's going to have to do some major stuff for you to think he's genuine and wants recon.
MC/IC has to be on the table. Be cautious, move slow, and don't keep restating your boundaries. Now that you've told him you want space and can't be his friend, don't repeat it. Just act and show him that you mean business.
My W had me sleep over at her place for a week and we even had sex. Guess what - she was still done. Don't fall for a few tears. That could be guilt or whatever.
As Sandi says - the words, attitudes, and actions all have to match. Until then, it's just confusion for them.
I did take a gamble with saying what I did. Things have been going well with us. I have not heard from him today he had said that he was gonna call and we would talk more but it's not uncommon for him not too. Especially when it's emotional. I'm sticking to my guns.
My have things changed. I never did hear back from him after what he had said. Yesterday was Sunday. He had told me he was going to give me money for bills. I asked him if he still was via text. Apparently he did not like this question. He proceeds to start cussing at me and then blowing up my phone. I texted him that I was in a very crowded area and that I would call him back. Basically we started fighting. I can't stand being cussed at. Especially over just a small subject. I had texted him a few times asking what have I ever done to deserve any of it and he basically told me to stop texting him. So I ended up blocking him.
This all happens after his mom had just called me two days ago so excited bc he has been telling his family that he's coming home. I am completely ticked off. I'm not seeing how I can continue any longer and have told his mom that I'm done.
We ended up fighting again on Tuesday evening. It was initiated by me. I have went downhill will it comes to DB and I'm not sure why. A part of me feels hopeless. The Tuesday night fight was really bc it was my first day at work and I wanted doooo bad to talk to him about it. But instead I asked him if it was really over. He can never fully answer the question. I get so disgusted.
Fast forward to yesterday morn at 130 am. His mom texts me that she is. Dry sick and cannot watch the baby. I tell her to ask him and she said he can't bc of work. I had to call off on my third day of my new job. Life got really real yesterday. I almost lost my new job. I spent the day looking for a new sitter. He started calling and telling me I should have brought him anyways. Later he texted that he was sooo sorry and that he feels like he had let me down and it's killing him. I did not respond. And when we spoke I was very distant and kept getting off of the phone with him.
Every week seems to bring something new. I know that there is probably Still hope but I have backed way off again. I can't get going there with him. It's detrimental to me right now. It makes me sad though. I still want it to work even though it seems impossible at this point.
Hi Loves77, you're doing the right thing backing off. Keep taking care of you and getting stronger. My own H cant reply and answer a flat out question either or else he interrupts me and wont let me speak and acts super casual.
Don't let him get away with not helping with your kiddo. You cant lose your job. Keep distancing and don't initiate any conversations that could end up in arguments. I'm learning this myself, we don't argue but the last time I tried to ask about the future he just blurted out quickly that he still wants to parts ways and then clams up and runs off to avoid anything other than the same comment, nothing else.
It's the worst rollercoaster emotional ride ever but stay strong, if you need to chat I'm here with my posts too.
Together for 13 years, married for 8. H is 46 I'm 40 S is 6 Bombdrop in April 2018 Still in limbo as of 2019
I'm just kinda upset with myself. I was doing sooooo good a few weeks ago. I really feel like he was almost ready to come back. Then I go and get myself all upset again. Smh. I'll just get back to where I was. Work is definitely helping. I'm more focused now that I started there.
I am very annoyed that I almost lost my job. But I did not once get angry or lose my cool and go off. I just kept focused.
Good for you! Great job on keeping your cool! I understand with the feeling great one week and feeling like you are failing the next, it's not easy to distance but it's easier when you have hobbies, distractions, etc.
Together for 13 years, married for 8. H is 46 I'm 40 S is 6 Bombdrop in April 2018 Still in limbo as of 2019
I'm really having a tough time today. With all the commotion this week I'm all up in my nerves. I could not sleep last night. All I can think about is him and worrying that he is gone for good.
His mother contacted me last night. It's the first that I had heard from her since I had to call off from the new job. She is very obviously upset. She was wondering why I have backed off. I told her it's nothing to do with her, it's just that I'm not with her son anymore and it's clear that he is not coming back. I probably should not have said that. But part of me is still very upset about the posterior that they have put me in. She doesn't seem to understand how real it is that I can lose my job over this.
I'm sure that didn't help me being upset. I feel like this last week has ruined my chances of getting him back. Between my having a meltdown and then the job thing I just don't know.
Thought I'd stop in a give an update. Since my last post a few things have happened. Seems like every week there is something new. Well, after his mom could no longer watch the baby I had to find a sitter. A friend offered to do it as she was staying home with her newborn. So he went there the Sunday after his mother bailed on me I was having a rough time so I had called him and said I needed to talk with him. He came over that night and we talked until close to 130 in the morn. It was a very good talk. We were very open. I felt as though we were on a good track to reconciling. We had a good week talking every day. Wednesday comes and my friends baby got sick with RSV. So... again I have to find a new sitter. Me and him are getting along and talking. He mentions maybe getting a nanny when he moves home. I was surprised he had me tinned moving back, as on Sunday he had said he wanted to take it slow. By Friday he wasn't calling as much. Saturday I was texting and Saturday night I go to a movie myself. I told him this and he was a jerk about it. I told him I had never felt more alone. Sunday comes and I'm asking him some wuestions of random importance and he's texting right back and forth. I update him that I found a sitter and tell him her pay rate. I then ask if he is planning on moving back. SILENCE. Never responded to any more texts, which were only 3 more. He ends up dropping some money in the mailbox and doesn't even alert me.
I text him Monday morn that I wasn't sure what had happened that I thought everything g was going well and that I would t be reaching out anymore. He responds that it was late and he forgot. I have not contacted him since.
I'm really upset. Really defeated. I don't u derstand how he can go from one day to the next feeling differently. I'm not sure if he is really over it but I am sure that there really is nothing that I can do to change his mind. He told me he's in no hurry and I believe him. However I can't keep playing these heads games. It's literally killing me. I can't risk my new job and kids for this anymore. I feel like he just walked away from everything and has left it on me. He rarely sees the baby anymore at this point.
Hello Loves77, DBing means it is not over until you say it is over. Based on what you are saying I would recommend that you stop the pursuit. I myself am a learner in this aspect so I am working on it, but the more space we give them the closer they are drawn and it seems to have worked for so many others here. How old is the baby? I have my own at 6 months and another at 3.5 yrs, being a mother of small children makes this whole thing that much harder. Make sure he is involved with the child though, he needs to be a father first. Drop the child with him or have him baby sit and do not let your job suffer. Financial stability and child care come before any DBing according to me, those are for survival.
