When you were a WW, would you characterize urself as having had some personality disorder? And you recovered from it eventually to get back with your husband?
No, I did not have any personality disorder. When waywards are at their peak of rebellion, they may cause their loved ones to wonder if something is mentally wrong, b/c this is not the person they have always known.
I recovered from my wayward mindset, but I had no personality disorder.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
When you were a WW, would you characterize urself as having had some personality disorder? And you recovered from it eventually to get back with your husband?
No, I did not have any personality disorder. When waywards are at their peak of rebellion, they may cause their loved ones to wonder if something is mentally wrong, b/c this is not the person they have always known.
I recovered from my wayward mindset, but I had no personality disorder.
Good to know. So suppose taking example of my WAW who is not wayward but is just walking out of my life. She mentioned in her supposedly final text " I dont deserve her!". I have been her doormat for 6 years and i finally got this from her. I have read your detachment and accordingly we should not beleive anything they say and only 50% of what they do. If i characterize my wife as normal, what does the above statement really mean then? Also after we permanently divorce and move on, will she ever realize all the hurt she caused me ever?
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
Did, in reading your post on the last page about the negotiation with your W I think you handled it well. I know this is painful but hang in there and stay strong, you're doing fine!
Originally Posted By: Steve85
Paying for her to move to her own place is just the wrong thing to do. But I've said that 3 times and you've ignored it all 3 times so I give up.
I predict you will be paying $2300/month to her for a long time. Well into D. Good luck with that.
Steve, you offer some really, really great advice all across these forums, you're a great DB'er for sure. But one thing we all need to do is stay true to ourselves. Did made a promise to his W that he would pay for her place. If I'm reading him correctly, he doesn't want to go back on that promise because he would feel bad about HIMSELF. IE, he made a promise and he doesn't want to break it. That's saying more about his character than it is about whatever his W is going to do with the money, and I do think he should hold true to his character. That's why I suggested to him that he make the compromise of giving her a deadline, which he did. He's not ignoring you I don't think, your input is more than likely a big reason he put a 3 month limit on it.
AS, it is difficult to watch a Nice Guy, as a recovering one, from afar. The problem with NGs and boundaries is that we don't enforce them. We make grand pronouncements that have no teeth. I fear Did is setting himself up to enable his wife and her waywardness. I also felt he was in a good position with her being unhappy at her parents'house.
Anyway character is important but NGs often do things that they shouldn't to feel better about themselves.
AS, I defer to you on such matters. You're far wiser at DBing than I am.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
She should be willing to do whatever is neccessessary to save her MR. She should be willing to follow her H's stipulations for reconciling, instead of giving her own.
Sandi, completely agree with you. This is a piece that I think many WWs dont get and many LBSs dont enforce because the instinct is to not rock the boat especially when you think things are headed in the right direction. It takes a lot of faith, patience and courage to stay strong and ask for what you need rather than dismiss it so the process can go faster.
Last edited by Cadet; 06/01/1812:38 AM. Reason: restored post
M: 43, H: 44 Married 18 yrs, Together 26 yrs S17, D15, D8, S6 Still living in MH
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
I hate it when that happens!! I will have to get energized to write it again. 
