Couldn't sleep last night. Just concerned on my next steps. Am I doing what is right for myself and my family and how will my W be involved (in or out)? I know this isn't my choice presently, but could be quickly. Is there a way by waiting that my MR might be saved? Would asking her to do the 2 day intensive with Michelle be a good or bad idea? Nothing good or bad happened last night. W is detaching more so I left her alone and watched a movie with my D. GREAT TIME! and we got to chat a bit as well. I really love my kids. I think the problem is it was a bit of a sappy romance movie that reminded me a lot of my MR and the happiness for the past and sadness for the present. Got up, worked out a little extra, and here plugging away trying to figure this out.
M51 W44 T21 M18 D14 S11 BD date 9/17 W filed 02/18 W withdrew petition following week In house separation 03/18 In Limbo and DB'ing since 03/18 W is moving out by mid Nov 2018 A drawing up paperwork 11/18
Yeah. Dont watch sappy romantic flicks right now. Its like listening to sad music. It just pulls you back into that wallowing mindset.
I think we are in a similar space. Dont work on trying to save the MR right now. It is pointless. You dont control that. Work on trying to improve yourself, your body, your attitude, your relationship with your kids. Those are all things you can control. It sounds great that you got to spend quality time with the D.
Definitely do not invite the W to a 2 day intensive. Do not invite her to anything. If she is going to come back to the R, she has to want to do it. It has to come from her, not from you.
In terms of waiting, who knows. That is a personal call. Just remember to use the time to work on yourself.
Hang in there!
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Is there a way by waiting that my MR might be saved? Would asking her to do the 2 day intensive with Michelle be a good or bad idea?
Answers in order:
No one knows. This would be seen as pursuit, so you should wait until she is ready to consider reconciliation.
To expand on the first answer. Giving up on your MR will almost certainly end it. In fact, this is the most common outcome, where the LBS finally has had enough of waiting, being in limbo, and hurting that they finally through 180s, GAL, detachment and improving their own self worth decide it is time to move on, so they initiate the D and move forward with it.
So yes, waiting can eventually save your MR, but there is no guarantee and a lot of hard work, DBing properly, and continued hurting that have to be gone through to get there with, and this is the rub, NO GUARANTEE of saving it.
So your choice is to end it yourself, or waiting as long as you can with no guarantee of saving it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
F this is hard. It seems you are damned if you do and damned if you don't
M51 W44 T21 M18 D14 S11 BD date 9/17 W filed 02/18 W withdrew petition following week In house separation 03/18 In Limbo and DB'ing since 03/18 W is moving out by mid Nov 2018 A drawing up paperwork 11/18
F this is hard. It seems you are damned if you do and damned if you don't
Until you drop the rope. Then it's success if you do and success if you don't. That's when you turn the corner, when you realize you CAN and WILL thrive no matter what adversity is thrown your way. This is a defining moment in your life, it wasn't your choice and it's painful but YOU HAVE CONTROL. Time to remake yourself. What would your life need to look like where you would want to change your handle from JustSad to MotherF'ingHappy? DO THAT.
OK, VERY perplexed ad pissed. I had some notes in an unsent email for our mediation appointment. NOTHING damning or anything, but for some reason, after I was asleep, something from my draft box got sent to myself (where I had addressed it) so someone did it. Also, when pulling up my photo gallery, the order in which the photos were had been changed (a click to see which ones were most recent). So, I guess my W went through my phone. There is absolutely nothing there for her to solidify her suspicion I am seeing someone else (again, I am not). But just weird that she would spend a bunch of time going through everything and then not change it back. I get the saved email being sent, wrong button and you are screwed. Was she looking for dirt on me? Why would she do this? She has never shown the slightest inclination of jealousy or mistrust ever, so this is new (of course she never accused me of seeing anyone else either). In addition, I did snoop a little after discovering this. My W hasn't unfriended me from FB, but she has restricted me where I won't see all of her posts and/or her relationship status, etc. I don't know if she has changed it or not, but I do know that she just changed that this morning. I minor thing, I know, but this coupled with the phone thing is just weird. And again, I know that this roller coaster is a little crazy and unpredictable. Thanks for the feedback everyone!
M51 W44 T21 M18 D14 S11 BD date 9/17 W filed 02/18 W withdrew petition following week In house separation 03/18 In Limbo and DB'ing since 03/18 W is moving out by mid Nov 2018 A drawing up paperwork 11/18
confirmed my W went through my phone. Any suggestions on how to confront or handle this?
M51 W44 T21 M18 D14 S11 BD date 9/17 W filed 02/18 W withdrew petition following week In house separation 03/18 In Limbo and DB'ing since 03/18 W is moving out by mid Nov 2018 A drawing up paperwork 11/18
confirmed my W went through my phone. Any suggestions on how to confront or handle this?
Let it go. This is actually a really good sign. This shows she is interested. My W wouldn't go through my phone if I left it unlocked with a sign pointing to it saying "Free looks here!" while she was in her wayward period. So the fact your wife looked shows she cares about what you are doing.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
