I think she is trying to get a reaction out of you. She may even be trying to make you feel guilty for the situation. As the saying goes- Stay calm - be the steady on . let your light from the light house shine bright!! Stay well!!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Misery loves company. She wants to know that you are unhappy so she call feel better. Do not give her the pleasure. And stop telling her you are sorry when she says she is sad...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
WHat do you say when she say she shes sad? I think Im way too supportive of wOw. Because I made a lot of mistake in the marriage. I HAVE Worked on myself a lot. Just got no more Mr Nice nice guy and I relate with a lot of the book. Trying to embrace the change. Patience is the hardest part for me. I expect her to react right away
Last edited by Cadet; 05/27/1809:13 AM. Reason: restored post
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
I think she is trying to get a reaction out of you. She may even be trying to make you feel guilty for the situation. As the saying goes- Stay calm - be the steady on . let your light from the light house shine bright!! Stay well!!
Yes, but what reaction? And why? I guess this is all "part of the game".
Is she trying to get me to pursue, or feel bad for her?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
My W used to use the sad technique to tug at my heartstrings and then it would often times be followed up with some sort of request. Not sure if that will happen to you. Stay well!!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
I think she is trying to get a reaction out of you. She may even be trying to make you feel guilty for the situation. As the saying goes- Stay calm - be the steady on . let your light from the light house shine bright!! Stay well!!
Yes, but what reaction? And why? I guess this is all "part of the game".
Is she trying to get me to pursue, or feel bad for her?
Any reaction. She's giving you a temp check to see where you stand. She wants to know if she's still got you wrapped around her finger. If she's noticed you distancing lately, she's trying to get you to pursue again...
As far as saying you're sorry when she says she's sad, I wouldn't do it. She stabbed you in the heart and is telling you it hurts her. Really? My response would be, "Oh yeah?" or "I bet that $ucks". But I would not apologize for her feelings about something that she caused. It makes you look weak. It would be one thing if you were still in a healthy MR, but she fired you from that job. You're not her gay boyfriend...
And Wolf may be right, because my W did the same thing. Be ready for her to ask you for something. She might be buttering you up...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
I'm gonna type this out while it's fresh. WW woke me up at 11 PM and kept tickling me, then after several minutes got more physical, slapping my head and hitting me with the pillow. She wanted me to get out of the bed. Said I was playing a game and that I should be doing what she wants bc I created this marital mess. I told her it's not a game at all. She's saying that someone told me to do this. I told her several times that it's late and I need to go back to bed. Obviously she didn't care to keep crossing that boundary. She cried several times. Then we talked a little more.
Then I told her I need to go back to bed. She leaves the room the comes back in to get in another word bc she's mad about sleeping in the other bedroom. So I finally say the word affair, and she's offended, says she didn't do anything wrong. I told her she was lying to herself and that she wouldn't be hiding her car and trying to get me to coerce me and a friend into not saying anything about it.
She denies this, of course, and I told her she was being like my dad (who is a horrible person). She got mad when I told her she was being like my dad when she told me i have to answer her calls bc it's her family plan. She told me I was being controlling and selfish about the bed. She doesn't like the word affair at all and Backdoor admitted to it. At the end of the 2 hour convo she wants to know who all I have told about her affair. I tell her I don't feel comfortable telling her bc I don't trust her right now. She says that I'm playing a game by saying that, and that she's been open with me and telling me things. I tell her she's not being honest with me, (she didn't admit to the money she's hiding). I say there's still secrets and she assumed I meant the affair so I reminded her that's not what I'm talking about. She didn't tell me anything new, so I didn't know what she meant.
She cried several times and blamed me for everything, she brought me emailing and texting an ex 6 years ago again, I think to justify her actions. She accused me again of trying to "take everything". She told me that her mom told her sister that her mom thinks WW is very depressed. WW also accused me of recording her, which I wasn't. I think I need to draw the line on the physical contact and conversation times.
She also stated that she can't D right now bc of the house and car situation plus she has no paper income and no where to go.
Crazy night.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Wow, have I already asked if there is a history of mental issues? She's seems really unstable. What I love is that she is trying to control you and yet accuses you of being controlling. Typical WW behavior. As is the throwing up of the emailing and texting an ex (which you shouldn't have done but you already knew that). Trust me, if you hadn't emailed and texted an ex she would have come up with some other justification for her actions.
Stay the course, she's obviously reacting to your changes, just not in a productive way at this point. Do not give up the MBR and remember to remind her that if she is willing to do what it takes then she can always return to the MBR, with you in it of course.
Also, you need to create a new thread, this one is over 10 pages now.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
OVR I read all your posts. Seems like a similar situation as mine. Wishing you luck. Detaching and DB / non pursuit is tough. I made a mistake of listening to W she actually told me to date while she was in PA. So I had a relationship or two. Now trying to DB but the struggle is real. Keep posting. Anything actually working???
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
