Right now you are understandably super emotional. You are processing a lot of emotions. Don't make any rash decisions. This is still very early. Your W is not interested in a R now, that is clear. That doesn't mean she won't be in 6 months or a year. But you can't control that, and worrying about it won't make your situation any better.
You just need to work on GAL. You need to get out and have fun with other people. You need to detach as much as you can so that you can take control back over your life and your emotions. You can do this!
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
. I don't even have a job here or any real attachments at this point besides the house.
I am guessing this is your problem dude. You entire life revolved around your W and it was too much pressure for her. A woman is attracted to a man who is his own person and she is an equal.
You got some serious work to do. Starting with obtaining employment. Then decide what kind of man you want to be and become it. You are young you have no kids you will be just fine. You got to do the work though.
But 6 months to a year from now I will be D ... hell in 2 months from now I will be D. Whats the point at the that stage. I am at least going to get out of town for a couple days to clear my head and not do anything rash. God I just feel like I so blew it last night by calling, I had to assert myself as I thought that maybe she wants me to fight for the R as I had been relatively passive up to that point and if I am not dealing with a WW the moving on approach wasn't working. Every tunnel feels cheeseless I just wish there was something I could actually do to get a result to stand on. I push she shuts down, I go NC she starts D paperwork. She hasn't given any of this the time for her to have a change of heart or miss me. And as I stand for the M she just doesn't care. I deserve a damn chance I deserve that she respects what we had to at least try. I know that is wishful thinking but isn't that how a rationale person would have handled this at least try?
M 40 W 34 Together 7 Married 2 No Kids BD 1/18 need space Moved out 2/18 ILYBNILWY & Asked for D 3/18 W filed for D 6/18 D final 10/18
God I just feel like I so blew it last night by calling, I had to assert myself as I thought that maybe she wants me to fight for the R as I had been relatively passive up to that point and if I am not dealing with a WW the moving on approach wasn't working.
You didn't blow it last night. Your M was dead prior to last night. No one interaction makes or breaks a R possibility unless you hit her or something.
You have to stop looking for a magic bullet that is gonna turn this thing around it just doesn't happen that way. Time and space and you making changes can do this but it will take a really long time.
As for your last comment, you don't deserve respect you earn respect. How can you earn her respect?
I get the feeling. I feel like I deserved better from my W as well. But we can't control them. We control ourselves, and if they act in a way that is unnaceptable to us we need to walk away.
Get out of town. Clear your head. That sounds like a great plan.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
ok so I called W again to tell her I was going out of town for a couple days to clear my head. Very different conversation today I said that I would be willing to sign whatever she needed. But that what I wanted was to honor what we had and be able to spend actual time together and do fun things which like we used to do and not talk about the D stuff or my job stuff when we do it. She said that is what she wants to do to but needs the D so that we can do that. She also said that she feels trapped and fearful that she is going to say something to me that I will retaliate in some way with in the D which is why she is pushing hard for the D so that it is behind us and that fear goes away. I validated and said that that is never my intention and if that is coming across I apologize. She also said that my call last night was traumatic as I was just emotionally spewing all over her and that alot of the things I was feeling was not about her but my own traumas and childhood. And that she suggested that I should journal my emotions instead and that if I still have focused emotional things I wante dto talk about she would talk about them, but that she felt after I journaled i would see these emotions were not about her but about me. She also acknowledged that I was hurting and she said that she is hurting too. The big take aways for me are that first off she doesn't trust me and second that she feels trapped in M and also trapped in the D. I don't know what I am putting out there which makes her feel this way, and I also acknowledge that maybe that is all coming from inside her. Is there possibility that she wants a R with me in the future but just can't handle the mental confines of M? Did the constructs of M make a good relationship bad?
M 40 W 34 Together 7 Married 2 No Kids BD 1/18 need space Moved out 2/18 ILYBNILWY & Asked for D 3/18 W filed for D 6/18 D final 10/18
As for your last comment, you don't deserve respect you earn respect. How can you earn her respect?
Yes you are right...I just don't know how to do this? In fact I don't know how to do this in any area of my life. When I think about it I get hung up on what it takes for to earn peoples respect and I get really overwhelmed and tired. Maybe I have some sort of low level depression running in me which defeats me before I even start on life.
M 40 W 34 Together 7 Married 2 No Kids BD 1/18 need space Moved out 2/18 ILYBNILWY & Asked for D 3/18 W filed for D 6/18 D final 10/18
