So from my last post, I replied to my W about not being home this weekend so feel free to come any time and get what you need was met with "that other girl must be getting better and better, enjoy it". I did not reply to that.
Soon thereafter I got a notice from my cell company that W had freed my line from her acct. I went and setup my own acct, for the best anyway.
In meeting with an L yesterday I was advised I need to get a custody arrangement set up asap with my W. If she is unwilling to work with me, which based on her current statements about ME having an A who knows if she would be, then I may have to go to court for a temp custody setup. Hearing this advice hit me hard. I mean we've only been split for not even 3 months so the need to possibly get a L and the courts involved so soon makes me think that would poison any future chances with W on the MR. I may have no choice though.
At least I do have lots of GAL ahead of me. While W thinks I'm away running around with some other woman, in fact my brother and his family will be in town for the long weekend and I'm looking forward to lots of quality fun time with them.
What to do/how to go about the custody issue weighs heavy on my mind right now...
Good advice from your L. Better to have it documented and agreed to than for her to start to use it as a way to poke at you. Obviously you would never use your D against your W, but based on the rest of your sitch I can't guarantee that your W will not at some point, especially, as you point out, as she starts thinking more and more you have this imaginary OW.
I'd follow that advice if I were you.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Feeling down tonight. W came and got most all of her clothes and took daughters passport. Completed what I needed to in order to get my L on retainer. Would be great to not need an L but I know I must protect my rights.
Just feeling like W is crazy angry now that my ring is off and she is making a complete lie of me seeing someone else. Feeling like D is inevitable as she has so much anger and will not speak to me now.
I will do even better at loving detachment and look after my D. Need to keep focus on what I can control. If W leaves my life will go on my family will still love me. I will live happily without her. Definitely with how nasty she has been and the hurt she has caused really not thinking her filing would be a bad thing any more.
morning bump...does anyone have any suggestions on how I handle continued anger from W beyond staying detached? somewhere I had read that this was a "phase" for a WW...just trying to learn more about this H88L phase I'm going through...
Yes it is a phase, one she is likely to repeat multiple times. The emotional roller-coaster isn't just the LBH, but the WW goes through stages as well. Especially if you do attachment properly. WW do not like to see their control over their H go away. They will rebel against the MR but also against the detachment of the LBH. They also will use their emotions against you. Whether it is anger, sadness, happiness, excitment, dread or a combination of those. The key is to not give up the jig too early. If you give in to her feelings being used to manipulate you, she will immediately retreat back to where she was before you detached.
Detachment means you are the rock even through her emotions.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
thanks steve...when W has brought up the imaginary OW, I have just ignored...I wonder would it be better to say instead "that is not true" each time? better to let it be or anytime said, countered.
I'd not address it directly. I'd say something like "I have nothing to hide." My W was similar with comments though they weren't accusatory. I always told her that she was more than welcome to see any of my electronic devices (full transparency) something she wasn't willing to reciprocate. Not sure if the experts here will agree with that approach, but likely she is curious as to if you have moved on to someone else and is gauging whether that is true or not.
Saying "I have nothing to hide" tells her what you were wanting to convey without directly addressing her accusation. If she really cares she will follow up with additional questions, and you'll have to be careful not to just show all your cards.
Remember, her being concerned about this is a positive for you. It keeps her curious, engaged, and interested in what you are doing.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
