Let me just give you a slightly different point of view on the money thing with your dad.
If as he says it's true that he and his wife have given up vacations etc in order to help save for a down payment for you:
I as a parent would be upset if I was making those sacrifices and felt like my child wasn't being as frugal as possible on their end. And even more so if said child was living "paycheck to paycheck" as you said earlier but was choosing a vacation rather than the safety of putting some money into savings.
I know the poverty mindset is "I'll never get ahead anyway so I might as well take this Mexican vacation/ buy this Coach purse/ spend $100 a month on the fancy gym". But that's not how you get ahead. And I as a parent would resent it if I was saving and saw child splurging.
I know you feel like your dad "owes you" - that complicates matters emotionally. But the dispassionate truth is as an adult child he has no legal obligation and if he's saving significant cash to help you you should show your gratitude and buy-in by saving as much as you possibly can too. Otherwise he WILL feel like HE is paying for your vacations indirectly. (Which he is - that's that much less money you have to contribute to a down payment and therefore that much more he needs to contribute)
Some recommended reading: Your Money or Your Life, The Tightwad Gazette, the Mr Money Mustache blog.
No, I do not believe my dad owes me. Like I said, at 18, I am responsible for myself, and I was.
I have a small amount of savings, I have a decent retirement fund.
I do not want to give up my trips. Mexico is paid for anyways. Non-refundable.
I save, I budget, I sacrifice.
I don't want the money. I would accept a gracious gift without attachments, because I know I make good choices. And going on the vacations I saved for aren't bad ones. I do not need guilt. I do not want him to feel like he paying for my vacations, so I am not going to take it.
You know, I was very upset, abandoned, and wanting to die when my dad did leave. I was left with a mother who was losing her mind. I was angry, and I did feel it was wrong to leave me in that position. With no where to go. But I never once made him feel guilty about it. I never told him how I really felt.
The truth is, I am miserable. I am not looking to vacation every year, I am looking at this break for my mental health which is no good.
Like I said, I would accept a gracious gift that came with some trust, otherwise, I will find another way. It's a thanks but no thanks situation now.
Yeah, I made one awful decision that has impacted my whole adult life. Marrying exH. I know it did. But I am dealing with the aftermath of it. I own up to it. I have to live with the he!! it has caused every day of my life. With the exception of my daughter, honestly, it has near destroyed my adult hood. But I ma handling it.
I think you need to re-think this.
It was NOT such an awful decision because you have your daughter. She is 50% him and I know how much you love her. So she might be the BEST thing that ever happened to you.
She is so adorable.
She is also 25% your DAD so again I understand that part too.
I think you are making the right decision not to take his money with the strings attached.
It will all work out in the end, I am certain of that.
(((((((HUGS)))))))))
She is, no doubt, the best thing that has ever happened to me. I sure do hope it will all work out in the end, whenever the end is, haha.
I don't need money that comes with guilt. He can enjoy his trips, I'll enjoy mine, and I will make this happen on my own.
Anyone who has been following my ridiculous drama.....
I just called my dad and we were both very calm and understanding. I told him thank you, but no thank you. I said I see what money can do to families, and I love my family more than money. he said he feels the same way and understands. He said he miscalculated and he can't even really give me a significant down payment anyways. I told him I figured I can up my monthly payment since I am making more money now. he said he will help with some closing costs. He even did understand that I need some reprieve sometimes from my life and that my little getaways are really all I've got to look forward to. I told him after that, there is nothing big for a long time and I am sitting down to see where I can cut in my budget. He agreed, he understood and we are on very good terms now.
I simply have to figure this out. And I will. And D10 and I will be fine. I know we will be.
Even as far as my job...... I will make this work. I will be fine wherever it may take me. I have hopes that things will be find when we switch companies. The mean SW has been very nice to me this week. Not to totally be trusted, but we are going to stay on eachother's good side. I found out I have been totally unprepared for something else, but I told the manager I would like to speak to her so that we could come up with a plan. I also found out today that my raise is straightened out and I will be getting even more money and some back pay.
I did my first gym class at my old gym last night. I was in better shape than most of them, I was shocked. I held up just fine, knee and cardiovascularly. It's funny, I can jump all over, but I still can't really walk downstairs. A little sore today, but a good sore. It was fun, and I like this instructor. I am looking forward to going back tonight and getting my body back.
The good news is, I just signed my lease in April, so by law, the new owner has to honor my current lease until next april. So I have a year to figure things out.
The good news is, I just signed my lease in April, so by law, the new owner has to honor my current lease until next april. So I have a year to figure things out.
Maybe they will want to keep you as a tenant?
I bet they would...... only this property is being rented to me for $400-500 under market value. They could get a whole lot more than they are getting from me, and that I cannot afford.
Ginger1 - We are in different jurisdictions but the law is very similar I believe.
Here if the owner wishes to occupy the unit themselves or have a family member move in, they can break the lease.
It depends on who buys the property but it could happen. I've even seen it where the owner occupies while renovating then turns it back into a leased property wandering happily through that loop-hole.
Not sure if it would be worth the bother to check into that. A real-estate agent would probably be able to give you a definitive answer but you don't want to be blind-sided.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I have went ot post a few times and I have erased it everytime. I just can't and it is probably good to have a break. But online pole here:
I thought I would try that tinder-like app out of curiosity. Me and a guy exchanged text. I'll skip the whole story, but the guy asked me for a picture of me in yoga pants. I put the disclaimer out that I am not out for a hook up. He got very nasty with me saying I am mean, full of drama, and jaded because I was upfront about not wanting a hook-up.
Really, is it an appropriate thing to ask a woman to send you pics in yoga pants so they can analyze every curve before meeting you? He saw a full body pic in a maxi dress. Wasn't enough.
I could just kick my own butt for even trying this again after the insanity I have been dealing with on these sites...
Why are you using a Tinder-like app? Seems to me those are all about quick assessments based solely on looks.
I like OKCupid. I find their algorithm for matching people based on their answers to a questionnaire helpful - people that are a high percentage match with me and a low percentage "enemy" usually turned out to be reasonable matches. Plus the profiles are usually detailed enough for me to pick up red flags or areas of incompatibility.
Ignore trolls like that guy. I've found it's better to just ignore the inappropriate guys - the more you engage them the nastier they get.
I just went back on OkCupid yesterday after five years off . (Avoidant Guy I was casually dating is ghosting me and exBF is having yet another manic episode. - I'm feeling really ready to bring some better male energy into my life). OkCupid has changed a lot since I used it last five years ago - you now have to pay to get some of the features I liked most. And since I'm older now the guys are older too.
But one thing I'm noticing - after seeing my ex the other day, I'm finding all the white guys turn me off! It just seems like they all remind me of the ex. Now, just by chance the last three guys I dated were black. The first one picked me up in a store - I liked him because he was extra tall like the white guy I first dated after my divorce. (6'6") Then I did date another very tall black man I met online ( the Avoidant guy who's ghosting me again) and then exBF because he reminded me of Avoidant Guy in looks and I was still kinda hung up on Avoidant guy at the time.
I never thought of it as a particular preference- I dated one black man and one biracial man in my twenties but plenty of white guys too. And my exH is super white. But now I'm having trouble looking at the white guys online because they all remind me of my ex in a bad way. This is a problem because frankly there's not a lot of available black men in my area so I'd better figure out a way to get over this or my dating pool will be dramatically reduced!
