In your divorce agreement, what happens if you lose your job and your house? No judge I know would be so unreasonable to expect you to have to stay in an area where you have no income and rentals are sky high.
I think you need to start looking at the "can't change" parts of your life and reassess. "Can't" is a big word - and when it impacts as heavily as it does perhaps it's time to work a way around it?
The home prices are going up again here as well. Like half a million for shacks that need tons of updating. With taxes starting in the teens.
Whose buying this stuff? Another bubble or is everyone else doing great and we just are out of luck cause of our situations.
Anyway, dont panic over your job. Regardless of what happens, you are in a profession where you will have security.
If moving really is an option, why dont you approach ex in a calm matter. You are on good enough terms with him. You can put feelers out there amd see how he responds. At keast this way you know if it is even an option.
I agree w/the other posters. Your job is one that is in demand all over the country and if something should happen w/your present job, there will be another one that becomes available. Your profession is in demand.
About your current home...I am so sorry to read that your landlord has opted to sell. The word "can't" should be one that is used in the English language. Where there is a will, there is a way to get what each of us wants...we just have to work a little harder to get it. I like the idea of sitting down and having a discussion w/your xh about your situation. If he were in that situation, he would relocate quickly and possibly not even discuss it w/you. You might want to suggest that you will drive half way from your new home to meet up w/him to allow him to have your daughter over the visit. He may like that versus having to drive a longer distance to pick her up. Map out your ideas and then present them to him. I hope that he will understand and agree to a move that will bring you and your daughter a bit more stability.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I had this whole post about how I was clearer headed and came to some decisions, but I didn't get to post it this morning, because my daughter's friend came over.
Then I just spoke to my dad and everything went to crap. He started in on me again. Telling me we need to sit down nd talk because the money they give me is a huge sacrifice for them and they need to cancel trips, ect.....
I knew that was going to happen. I told him I thought long and hard and that I do not want this money attached to guilt and scrutinzation of every move I make. he wanted to cancel our trip to Niagara. I said no. I am not taking away the vacation I promised to my daughter when I haven't taken her anywhere in a long time. I said Mexico is already paid for and non-refundable and I am not cancelling that either. It's a drop in the bucket right now and what I had saved up for. I told him I do not want his money if this is how it is going to be. He went ape [censored] on me, as he normally does. when someone doesn't agree with him, it means the whole world is disrespecting him. He acts like I never made a good decision in my life and he has bailed me out of everything.
Well, no. I, unlike most kids, had no home at 18. I wasn't invited to live with him, and the option was my drug using mother and her idiot boyfriend who got her back into drugs. So I dropped out of college and got my own place, made it by on whatever job, borrowing very small amounts of money when I really needed it. I got an education and a career. I unfortunately got divorced and that turned things upside down, but I have managed. I also furthered my education and career in that time. I do not spend willy nilly. I rarely vacation. I am frugal.
I am absolutely losing my mind lately, and my dad keeps getting mad at me for keeping him in the dark, but he invalidates every single emotion I have. So I do not share with him at all. But my 2 little trips are what I need to keep my sanity. ANd I will not be able to keep my sanity with him guilting me all the time about the sacrifices he is making by helping me with the down payment. I am a 38 year old woman who can make her choices without getting them scrutinized all the time. He makes me feel like my life was a bunch of bad decisions.
Yeah, I made one awful decision that has impacted my whole adult life. Marrying exH. I know it did. But I am dealing with the aftermath of it. I own up to it. I have to live with the he!! it has caused every day of my life. With the exception of my daughter, honestly, it has near destroyed my adult hood. But I ma handling it.
I am appreciative of them willing to make the sacrifice, but I won't take the money if this is going to be what my life is like. I don't think that makes me wrong.
I love my dad, he has always been my best friend, but he is a difficult man. My stepmother says he is becoming almost insufferable lately. He flips out easily and doesn't listen to anyone elses point of view ever.
I feel so alone. I am dying inside sometimes.
But on a happy note I had a really good time with friends this weekend. A guy even flirted with me and struck up a convo. He was 29 tho..... I think he realized our age gap was too much too.....
Oh, and the one pretty solid CAN'T, I guess is really a WON'T. My ex would let me go. He would. But it would crush my D10. I can't do that to her. Unless it was truly the only option, I won't do it to her.
Trust me, I toy with moving to CT where I have friends and I can afford all the time. I know where I could apply for a job too. But my daughter wouldn't see her father very much, and he wouldn't even agree to meet half way. he would make me do all the work. I would burn out and so would D10.
Trust me, I have turned some huge "can'ts" around in my time. But this won't I won't do.
I am just so crushed right now. My dad pretty much won't talk to me if I don't apologize. Because that's him. And I will stew in guilt. But I don't think I should.
I am so sorry that your father is being a PITA at the moment. He thinks he's helping you by offering you money and yet, turns around and sobs a story. I don't blame you for not taking him up on the offer. You don't need a guilt trip every time you turn around.
You will figure things out once the dust settles just a wee bit. Is there any type of clause in your lease that states if your landlord sells the place, you would have a certain amount of time to vacate? Sometimes, new owners will allow the renters stay because they don't want to deal with remodeling once the deal has gone through.
As for your trips...don't cancel them. You and your daughter need this time away.
BTW, have you given any thought to places in states closer to where you live? Disney dad and your d could always skype between visits if need be...if you were to move out of the immediate area.
As for your father, he shouldn't be angry about the fact that you do not want stipulations put on the money. Why should you be made to feel guilty about not accepting his offer. I most certainly wouldn't want that kind of stipulation put on money and hear about their sacrifice most of the time. Don't feel guilty. If you do decide to wave the olive branch, just say something like this "dad, I appreciate the offer and I do not want you to sacrifice your plans by giving me money. I do not want to feel guilty by accepting the money, so let's agree to disagree".
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Oh Job, thank you for understanding and reminding me that I am not being unreasonable. I question myself all the time, and I really feel like this isn't fair. But I reject the money, and he is mad at me for that. I can't win. It's an uphill battle all the time.
So many years, I have done it with minimal help. I was never a burden. I worked my butt off not to be. I don't intend on feeling like one now. I do wish he could have offered me the money, trusting me to know I will not mismanage anything or abuse it or have to hear the litany of sacrifices on his end. I know what they are, I am not dumb.
I did text him last night to tell him I love him, because I am against ever going to bed mad. he said I love you too.
I didn't sleep very well last night. I am wearing down big time.
You know what upsets me too? That a life well-lived is the ultimate revenge. But my lives the exact life he wants, and here I am struggling, still. I hate that.
Vanilla, I almost wonder the same thing. My dad has always been very very stubborn like this, it's not unusual. he's just getting worse about it. I sure hope it isn't dementia. Maybe just a stubborn old man thing completely lost on patience.
The good news is, I just signed my lease in April, so by law, the new owner has to honor my current lease until next april. So I have a year to figure things out.
Yeah, I made one awful decision that has impacted my whole adult life. Marrying exH. I know it did. But I am dealing with the aftermath of it. I own up to it. I have to live with the he!! it has caused every day of my life. With the exception of my daughter, honestly, it has near destroyed my adult hood. But I ma handling it.
I think you need to re-think this.
It was NOT such an awful decision because you have your daughter. She is 50% him and I know how much you love her. So she might be the BEST thing that ever happened to you.
She is so adorable.
She is also 25% your DAD so again I understand that part too.
I think you are making the right decision not to take his money with the strings attached.
It will all work out in the end, I am certain of that.
