If I have any excuse, that is that I was in your situation about 8 years ago. I ended up saving my marriage, it took a couple of years, but most of all it took getting to a point where I knew I would be fine either way.
EricC, have you ever considered starting your own thread and sharing your story? It can be really helpful to read successful R stories and see both the positive progress and the negative setbacks people like yourself have experienced along the way to saving their M...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
Thanks Eric, that means a lot. I am trying hard to detach and GAL, feel like a keep faltering or questioning what I am doing a lot of the time. As I am sure many people are aware, I find myself throughout the day still in disbelief that she left/isn't here/doing this. Doesn't seem real.
I will say every day does get a little better, but also at the same time makes me sad as it also feels like everyday she is moving a little further away from me.
Besides the detachment thread, any good books around that?
I know a couple of good books on detachment, though they refer to it as differentiation. However, we are not allowed to name non-MWD books here. Can I suggest Googling differentiation in marriage? Or in relationships. Lots of good info out there.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks for all the recommendations. I am ordering No More Mr Nice Guy via Amazon now and looking at differentiation/detachment books - although if anybody can strongly point me into a specific Google search, I'd appreciate it
Eric - Would definitely love to see you start your own thread to talk about your setbacks, how you dealt, your thought process and how you handled the positives that led to eventually R.
Also, a book that is also helping me (which my WW wanted to me to read but I never did) is Unthethered Soul.
Me: 33 WW: 30 T: 5 M: 1.5 yrs BD 4/6/18 PA since 3/28/18 (kiss Dec 2017) EA since assuming late 2017 MC April before another PA 4/28 WW moved out 6/1/18
There is another book that I have in my arsenal since starting this journey that really helped me and might apply to your sitch too as the dynamics sound similar. It's about how to right an unbalanced relationship (that is part of the title ;)). It goes along with a lot of the stuff covered in the pursuer/distancer thread. It was especially helpful for me because I have given all the power in my MR to my W and am a perpetual "one-down" as a result.
M: 26 W: 26 M: 1.5 T: 3 No kids BD: 31 March 2018
W's affair began: 23 March 2018 Affair confirmed: 18 April 2018 Confrontation/claims she ended A: 14 May 2018 Ended in-house separation: July 2018
I have written something, a long time ago. Unfortunately, it was tied to a different email, and I cannot retrieve it. I do not mind writing it again. However, it is nothing different from what the rest of the people on this forum advise. I was mostly lucky (both the circumstances and my wife's common sense eventually prevailing).
Having some trouble this morning, I think it is because the WW is signing the lease on her new apartment. Just having this rush of feelings, fear and anxiety. Last time she texted me she was nasty, just feel like nothing again.
Last edited by Cadet; 05/16/1811:22 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
Me: 33 WW: 30 T: 5 M: 1.5 yrs BD 4/6/18 PA since 3/28/18 (kiss Dec 2017) EA since assuming late 2017 MC April before another PA 4/28 WW moved out 6/1/18
You will have these bavk and forth swings for quite some time. Just stay strong,be focussed in what u do as nd let go off any thoughts pertaining to her.
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
Hang in there ASJ. It is completely normal to have anxiety spikes over something like that. Just find a way to settle yourself or take your mind off of it. (exercise, yoga, music, etc...)
The problem isn't having the initial feeling, it is letting your mind run with it. Acknowledge the reaction, but let it go. Don't let it consume you.
You got this.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
My W is moving out today, M S did not want to go to school because he says he feels broken. I get these exact same feelings as you do. I now have a choice to make. Do I sit in this pit of self despair or do I take a minute acknowledge the situation and the try to move on positively. I hope like me you chose the second option - Blessings on your journey.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
