I will say this. 30 is definitely NOT too young for a MLC. My wife's began at that point. She couldn't deal with losing her youth and aging. At first it was just sadness, but eventually it turned into the "replay" phase where she began reliving her youth and feeling like she was missing out by being married.
MLC's can happen at many different ages.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Sounds like she isn't waiting the full four minutes after adding the grounds to the hot water and stirring, before plunging the press. Common rookie mistake with french presses. She needs let it steep for 4 minutes before plunging.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Oh she's got the 4-minute timer set on her phone and everything. Looks to me like she should just use a finer grind or less water. Not that she cares what I think..
Me:30 W:31 S:4 M:7 T:12 PA: 5/6/18 - ? W moved out 7/18
Any more tips on talking to W about divorce? I've avoided that conversation for a long time, and now I've agreed to talk about it with her this weekend (no time set so I could show that I understand it is unavoidable by making more concrete plans with her). I've been wanting to detach and GAL more, both of which I think require establishing financial boundaries. Finally talking about divorce plans could be an opportunity to negotiate on that issue, as well as me telling her I am no longer willing to cook meals for her and do any laundry that would benefit her or clean her bathroom (which our son also uses), essentially requiring her to take care of herself more. I think she appreciates those things, and she may see me withholding them now as punitive. One way I know I can stand my ground with those decisions though is that I want to spend more quality time with my son. Those things I was doing aren't things W asked me to do in the first place, they were just ways I was trying to be the husband I wanted to be. I've always been the one to cook meals, and I have been doing so to show kindness, but I am feeling now that I can't keep putting so much work into our marriage at the level I have been. I don't like the resentment that is building in me over it and the A which I still have not confronted her about and worry if I do it will make divorce negotiations worse. I still am on the fence about an apology letter. I was thinking I could tell her in it that I understand how she feels now, that I suspect she had an affair. I expect to be told by members here not to do that again. Maybe I am just having a hard time letting go.
Me:30 W:31 S:4 M:7 T:12 PA: 5/6/18 - ? W moved out 7/18
Tell her you're good with it (divorce), but she'll have to do the divorcing because you're busy with other stuff. Ciao babeee, see ya. Keep it that short and simple and go out and GAL like your life depended on it.
so not the 1-2 hours she thought we'd need when I asked her how much time she thought we needed to set aside to talk. hmm.. I do wonder what she expects financially out of a divorce. She's been spending a lot from our joint accounts but keeping her own private checking account hidden. I think she's trying to be gain independence with that account, so I wonder if she thinks that's all she'll get out of a divorce. She might not think she can afford an attorney either. I'd take on all the outstanding debt if she doesn't ask for spousal support.
Me:30 W:31 S:4 M:7 T:12 PA: 5/6/18 - ? W moved out 7/18
"I hear you telling me you want a divorce, and I think that means we can't keep sharing our finances the way we have been doing. I think we both deserve an equal amount of spending money, and I'm not willing to take on any more debt right now."
OR:
"I hear you telling me you want a divorce, how do you think that should affect our current financial arrangements?" If she says she thinks she should still be able to continue what she has been doing, I can disagree with her but still don't know what I would say exactly, besides something like the end of my first scenario.
Me:30 W:31 S:4 M:7 T:12 PA: 5/6/18 - ? W moved out 7/18
"Make her do all the work" sounds like another thing I could screw up if I'm not careful. I don't think I should avoid negotiating finances, housing, and custody. Does "make her do all the work" mean impeding the progress of the divorce by taking a long time to sign papers or something like that? Making her do the financial discovery process on her own? If I do that am I just forcing her to get a lawyer, and thereby forcing myself to get one too? I'm meeting for a consultation with one today but I don't really want to litigate.
Me:30 W:31 S:4 M:7 T:12 PA: 5/6/18 - ? W moved out 7/18
