Thanks. Some days are easier than others. That's for sure...
I was also wondering if I should respond to the text about her blaming me for CEFS questioning her about lying on her application. Part of me thinks I should just not respond and keep NC, and another part of me feels like I should respond because not responding will make her think that I was the one who turned her in. I'm leaning towards the no response, but any input or advice would be appreciated...
I would simply tell her you didnt file the complaint and that she should call and ask CEFS office as to the specifics of the issue as you are unaware of to details. Let them tell her it wasnt you.
Depending on how she asked the question, a simple "No, I didn't do that" or just a "Nope" may suffice.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Thanks. Some days are easier than others. That's for sure...
I was also wondering if I should respond to the text about her blaming me for CEFS questioning her about lying on her application. Part of me thinks I should just not respond and keep NC, and another part of me feels like I should respond because not responding will make her think that I was the one who turned her in. I'm leaning towards the no response, but any input or advice would be appreciated...
I would simply tell her you didnt file the complaint and that she should call and ask CEFS office as to the specifics of the issue as you are unaware of to details. Let them tell her it wasnt you.
Depending on how she asked the question, a simple "No, I didn't do that" or just a "Nope" may suffice.
Yeah, I've decided I'm not going to bring it up at all. I won't respond to it in text, and if she asks over the phone or in person, I'm going to tell her I didn't file any complaint and to talk to CEFS if she's concerned about it and leave it at that...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
I would simply tell her you didnt file the complaint and that she should call and ask CEFS office as to the specifics of the issue as you are unaware of to details. Let them tell her it wasnt you.
Depending on how she asked the question, a simple "No, I didn't do that" or just a "Nope" may suffice.
^^^Exactly what I was going to say.^^^ Just keep being the rock and respond to her rants and accusations with calm detachment. Sorry you're going through this, but just keep in mind this is all about her, not you.
Funny how i can GIVE sound advice, just cant seem to follow it. hahaha.
I know this feeling all to well. Sometimes I can see the obvious thing to do in other peopl's situations, and when it comes to my own, there are times it's like I can't even tie my own shoes. Thta's why detachment is so important. It allows us to look at our sitches objectively....
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
OK and mtb, I can tell you this, talking to others about their sitch can start to help you see clearer in your own. It doesn't mean you will always say and do everything perfectly, but it does mean that as you read and post more in other people's threads you will see parallels that will help you become better and at dealing with your own.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
W called again twice last night, and I didn't answer. Followed shortly by a text asking if I was going to keep ignoring her. I did not respond, because I've decided to only respond to texts pertaining to the kids. I know she's going to try to spin things around and say that she was trying to contact me about the kids, but I have explicitly told her on more than one occasion that if she needed to talk about the kids to send me a specific text about what she wanted to discuss and I would get back to her. Instead, I get random calls followed by texts like, "Seriously?", "Are you gonna keep ignoring me?", etc. The way I see it, if it were really about the kids, she would send something like, "When is D's ballgame tonight?" or "Can I pick up the kids tonight for ice cream?". I'm not falling for her tricks to keep me attached...
Side note, the kids have had several ballgames in the past 2 weeks and W has not made it to any of them. This is after specifically telling D she would be at 2 of them. I gave her the website that has the schedules for both of their teams, so she know how to access the information on locations and times, but I guess she has "more important" things to be doing. Typical selfish WW's, amirite? D has another game tonight, and I doubt she shows up to it either...
Also, another thing that has been bothering me a bit lately is the fact that the kids keep asking to go over to W's new place. She took them over there for a little bit on Mother's Day, and since then they have randomly asked if they could go over there. I understand that they miss her and want to see her, and I have no problem with that. What bothers me is that D9 told me that she wants to go live with W in her new house. Again, I understand that she misses her, but it kind of hurts. I've been the only one taking care of the kids for the past 4 months and W is barely around to see them for 15 minutes a week. It breaks my heart, but I get it too...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
I get that man. My S3 has been really tough lately, very easily upset and obstinate. Whenever he gets upset he cries for "MAAAAMAAA" and t breaks my heart, i dont know if he just wants consolement from Mommy, or if he isnt actually seeing her enough or getting enough attention and love from her. I have no clue what his life is like when im not around it it awful.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
This is ALWAYS tough on kids no matter the age. I just wrote in another thread earlier today that one thing that WASs and LBSs alike delude themselves about is that D has no or little impact on kids. That is just not facing reality in my opinion. D is ALWAYS rough on kids, no matter their age, even adults. MWD talked about this in her books, how the pain of her parents D even though she was an adult, is one of the things that drove her to become a DB advocate.
So this is normal mtb, and I know it has to hurt. But I would suggest, if her school has a counselor (many do) to get her to talk to the counselor. She may be having feelings she doesn't know how to deal with, which is why she has pangs of living with mommy.
But also pat yourself on the back, this means you've done a good job at shielding them from her ridiculous behavior.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I get that man. My S3 has been really tough lately, very easily upset and obstinate. Whenever he gets upset he cries for "MAAAAMAAA" and t breaks my heart, i dont know if he just wants consolement from Mommy, or if he isnt actually seeing her enough or getting enough attention and love from her. I have no clue what his life is like when im not around it it awful.
That has to $uck. I would have a hard time dealing with not knowing what kind of situation my kids were in if they weren't around. Mine are with me ALL the time. The longest amount of time they have spent with their mom in the past 4 months was 5 hours on Mother's Day. Otherwise she sees them in passing for 5-15 minutes once or twice a week if that. That's why I'm having such a hard time with it. I know they're too young to understand and that they miss her, but in my mind, I'm like,"I'm the only one that's been here for you lately! She doesn't want to have anything to do with you! Why do you want to live with her, when I've been the one that has taken care of you this whole time?" I know they miss her a lot and I wish she would spend more time with them, but it hurts nonetheless...
I'm also afraid that I'm going to become the "mean" parent. When they are with me, they have to follow rules, pick up after themselves, eat normal dinners, take baths & brush their teeth. All normal things that kids should do to learn to be normal, functioning adults. When they are with her, I'm afraid it's going to be all ice cream and fun time with no responsibility. I mean, what kid between the ages of 3 and 9 wouldn't choose candy for dinner in front of the TV instead of eating a well balanced meal at a table before having to bathe and brush their teeth?...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
