Andrew, I'm heading for the third anniversary of BD and I can safely say from year 2 it seems to get better. I think the last time I cried about XH was a couple of weeks ago which for me is fantastic. I used to cry every, single, night. By 18 months I'd have one night a week where I didn't. By year 2 it was half the time. Now, I'm much better.
That doesn't mean I have stopped thinking about XH - not at all. However I think I'm getting some perspective now. I can see that whilst I will always, always mourn the death of my marriage and miss the person XH used to be, I can see little bits of hope for a life where I can be happy, truly happy, without him.
I never thought I'd ever say that, what with believing most of the time that I will never be more than the sad, beaten-up old woman I feel I am. There aren't too many people who know that's how I feel by the way, but that's what it is. Now I can see that whilst there is still much darkness I know there is, and will continue to be, quite a bit of light.
You are doing all the right things. You are doing you, and doing it really well. You know what doesn't work, and I suspect you're pretty clued-in to what works too. I predict the minute you dip your big toe into the dating pool, you'll find yourself surrounded by lots of lovely women. You're very wise to wait until you feel stronger - you're going to need it
The final paperwork had been filed already and before I nagged last week.
It was final on April 19th. The court clerk I called had a laugh when my first reaction was that I was glad I could get the rest of my retainer back to pay for roof repairs.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
This is crazy how long these courts and lawyers are taking to notify people of such a big happening.
It sounds like you are in a good place with it. I hope to hear more on how it feels as you begin to process it. I expect it is some pain with a lot of relief mixed in.
I am sorry you are divorced, but now some of that "heavy, stressful burden can be lifted off your shoulders. Once everything has settled down, you will feel a huge relief and begin to find your footing as a single man once again.
You fought the battle long and hard, but sometimes, those battles can't be won. You are an inspiration to all who come here and I do hope that you will stick around when you have the time to chat w/us.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Congratulations on surviving this ordeal (not on being divorced; no one wants that for themselves or anyone else).
Andrew, this might bring up some stuff, or it may not. For me, and from what I have read a few others as well, the first year post D is revelatory on many levels, some painful, some happy surprises.
May your next 11 months post D be the start of a wonderful adventure. I wish you peace, health, happiness and love. xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Thank you all for the kind wishes. Yes the waiting was a heavy burden. One thing I've learned here is that letting things unfold is not being passive and in many ways it is tougher than being active.
Weird dreams last night. The first one was a repeat of the usual one where my ex would try to seduce me into accepting her back. Those are always difficult. The second was was odd. I was walking with one of the single ladies I know when she got ahead of me. I rushed to catch up but fell chest deep into a swamp. I struggled to get out for some time and when I did she was out of sight but checking myself, I had for some reason been wearing chest-waders and was clean and dry.
People (including my ex) used to believe that a fortune was to be made analyzing my dreams
Hopefully I'll get the remainders of my retainer back shortly and Canada Revenue (who has very nice and cheerful people on the phones) assures me that my tax refund will be processed in the next few weeks. I've already put the word out that I'm looking for a new quilt (and a new roof).
Until later.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
