Ste7e, how would you even know? You have been here but a few days.
If you say or do anything in an attempt to get results. That is called controlling.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
We are getting into semantics here. IMO, we are here to give our M/R the best possible chance at being saved. Intuitive measures tend to be counterproductive. (Chasing and being needy and pathetic)
Nothing you say can change W.
To oversimplify the process. I believe the key is to remove all of this strangers pressure. Work on yourself to become a better you and to prepare yourself for whatever lies ahead.
Demonstrate that you are not going to be jerked around and that you are prepared to go on with or without W. (regaining the power you lost at BD.)Detachment
Controlling is both adding pressure and pursuing. IMO
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
I am a newbie here as well, and I was struck by the similarities of our situations. I am 41, my wife 33. It looks like she is stuck in the throes of a MLC and is WAW. I left the house to give her space a month ago and am struggling with the exact same emotions as you are. I have only text/email communication with her for the most part, only met once in 4 weeks to talk. It is really hard. I don't know how much advice I can give you as I am living the same roller-coaster of pain as you are. For me it has been a revelation to realize that this is all about her MLC and the only thing I can do is try to hang on for the ride, give her the space she needs, make the changes to myself and hope that she realizes her mistake at some point.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
MLC is a just a great excuse for a lot of LBS to stay stuck in limbo and not make decisions. They think they can just ride this out and excuse all type of horrendous behavior. It's a soothing thought to think your partner is now an alien and they'll come back to you at some point if you just stick it out. That just sounds like self-punishment. Don't make excuses for their behavior, and get some self-respect to know that you won't be treated like this.
