Good Riddance 2017

[25yearsmlc]

if x tells me to go to he11, I'll say

"I was already there with you, so I filed for divorce and left."

[25yearsmlc]

if x tells me to go to he11, I'll say

"I was already there with you, so I filed for divorce and left."

Wait, let's redo that one.

X says to go to he11, I say "been there. Hence filing for Divorce."

(it's just a faster punchline. )

If they are the divorce filers & say it to you, you say "No thanks, I'm finally out of he11 & single."

[JujuB]

My ex is so full of sh!t, the only person that gets him is the US President.

[JujuB]

Zues,

My anger is more of a "how dare he do this to me" type of anger. I am also angered by the lack of responsibility and just complete and utter selfishness. I said this in another post.. i feel that these waywards that acted at the magnitude as most of the waywards here have acted are the worst. Because their sins are committed against their own families. Its not like we were enemies in war, or political opponents, or competing businesses. We were family. Their children are biologically linked to them. Its makes their deceit so so so much worse. And that makes me angry.

I dont buy the whole hate the sin, love the sinner. I really look at them as individual pieces of .. that should be held accountable.

I dont blame this on society. Not one bit. You and i were both raised in the same society and neither of us felt entitled to cheating, neglecting pur children, or spending tons if family funds on god knows what.

But yeah, i know that i have to live with the reality that there are people like that on this planet. That they often go unchecked. And i should have been smarter.

[JujuB]

I always felt disgust at people like that. And i thought i was smart in choosing a partner. I knew from my first boyfriend that men who were smooth talkers, heavy complimenters, vain about their appearance were the types of guys to avoid.

My ex was not that way at all so i really never saw this coming. This was different.

You dont know what you dont know. There wasnt any tests of time or circumstances when i met him. We were both young.

He is so neglectful of our son.
My brother had to make the choice of pulling his only child off of life support. He would give anything to have the privilege of being a parent.

My ex has a brilliant healthy son and does the bare minimum with him. To me, peopke like that are just bad, or sh!tty at the core. They lack something.

And they are what is destructive to society, not the opposite.

Its people like my ex that were the need for laws that are easily exploited by many equally despicable female walkaways on this board.

[25yearsmlc]

I hear you. I really truly do.

I struggle with it, still waking up around 4 am (less often now, but often enough) and I usually wake up feeling SO angry and deeply hurt and a still amazed at the ugly discoveries I've made this past 18 months - and the shock I feel by these discoveries, even now.


Thing is, it's not healthy FOR ME. My son said he's tired of feeling "so much rage" at his dad and that it's hurting HIM (ie my son).

And I know it will consume ME, not xh, if I let it. These folks know nothing of what WE struggle with - X is in his La La Land and if anything, if he learned of my pain and anger, he'd think I should have moved on by now. X is very shallow and I projected so much more depth onto him than was real...b/c I'm not shallow...


So the longer I give rental space in my head/heart to x, the worse I make it for ME.

Every minute I spend angry at x, is 60 seconds I could have spent laughing, or reading or growing...

These phrases ^^^do not always help me, but they are sinking in more.

None of the sentences above pretend that I was not wronged. My kids were wronged too.
They know it and I know it.

But at some point I have to let it go or I'll spend the rest of my life reviewing the litany of grievances I have at my x, which I know ARE TOTALLY VALID.

What he did is indisputably selfish and dishonest and indefensible. I don't care what his version is or how crazy his narrative is, I KNOW he betrayed me in every way an H can betray a wife

and he's been a POS father too. I know this, my kids know this and the folks who knew us as a couple, also know it. Most importantly I know it and God knows it.


So, now what? I mean, what do we DO WITH THAT? We were wronged, but rather than being victims, we want/need to be survivors.

Our kids will get gut punched by life, too. They'll feel heartbroken or betrayed at some point in their lives.

WE must model how to handle that with grace, strength and dignity. TO recover and regain our lives and take back our power. That is part of our job, I think.

AND besides, I have finite years left on earth and I refuse to give anymore of my precious time to my x.

It's like I've realized I was sort of a slave to him while married. The subversive commentary and the sabotaging behind my back still stings...but I followed him around with numerous moves and he was NOT grateful.

But if I keep waiting for the grand apology or expecting him to change, or wake up and realize the depth of the pain he inflicted on the 4 people who loved him the most, or if I stay paralyzed with my grief and anger,

then I feel like I'm choosing to remain a slave rather than freeing myself. I have to be free now.

Might not be the best analogy but it works for me.

Make sense?

[JujuB]

Thank you 25. What your saying makes perfect sense.

I am not always angry. But i am often enough. If i had financial security i think the anger and resentment might not be so prominent. Like everyday, im confronted with it....trust me. Living with your parents when your 40 will do that to you. Its humiliating.

But i think i also am addicted to the anger. Or obsessed with the situation. If i wasnt, im not sure i would be spending so much time on these forums.

I think i might need to change that. Break the addiction to heart ache.

[Ginger1]

What do you feel is so addicting about the anger?

[JujuB]

I think its at the point that when i dont feel anger, it feels unnatural to me.

I used to have other things i was interested in like, reading, politics, travel. Now during my spare time, I devour anything thqt has to do with cheating, men leqving their marriage, men regretting leaving their marriage, narcissists, drug addictions. Etc.

When doodler talked about that article, I knew exactly what he was referring to. That is just sad.

It is a waste of my time. I can be doing anything else and it would be better for me. I dont even watch tv!

I get it, post BD. But its almost 3 years now.

I am still furious at ex. And at all waywards.

[JujuB]

I guess the problem is that its not productive anger. Its not inspiring me to go save the world, or work my butt off for something that will actually benefit me.

I think i am an expert at recognizing and analying who the sh!tty people are though.