The 3 marriages to concern me. However, the last divorce was 10 years ago, he admits the third was a true mistake and he has learned. He was in a 4 year R that didn't end in marriage.
Well, he is the first guy who actually wants to talk on the phone. And he made a date for us next Friday. A Mets game! He went all out. It should be fun. If anything, maybe I will get friend out of it. We definitely need to talk more to really get the true picture of his M's. There is going to be something with everyone. I am looking for character. So, far, so good , in that area. And I promise if he proposes, I won't says yes!
Oh, that one guy who was too scared to meet me thought he should text me Thrusday to tell me he was thinking about me last night as his porn, if you know what I mean. He though I might be flattered. I believe he seriously thought I would be flattered. I told him to grow up and that he was nuts, then blocked him.
The sad thing? He is not the first guy to tell me that.Plumber told me, a few guys I have dated told me that, and a few guys from OLD tell me that a lot. Gross, gross, gross. I guess I make a good fantasy, not a good reality, haha. Even with the guys I actually have dated. I am a good fantasy until sh!t becomes real.
This guy has been respectful so far. Maybe because he has 2 daughters 11&13.
I swear, dating has been the worst experience for me. Comical, actually.
I, too, value a strong man who can handle a strong woman. I have always been strong, independent, confident. My parents raised me that way. I have been told plenty of times in my life by men (XH used to say it all the time) that I am intimidating to men because I give off this total vibe that I don't NEED a man. Well, I don't NEED a man. Want a man, yes....need a man, no. Totally different things. I don't need someone to take care of me financially, I got this. I don't need someone to make decisions for me or "lead" me, I got this. I just want someone to be my partner, my equal.
I see many of the same frustrations that you do in OLD, with one major difference....you are attractive and I'm not, so I have the added issue of dealing with only attracting what I think of as a lower tier of men because good looking men who would respond to your profile are not going to respond to mine, in general....based on looks anyway. But, that is the thing: I firmly believe there is a lid for every pot. We just have to find our lids. And, honestly, your lid and my lid would be different. LOL
It is difficult to find men in my age range who haven't been divorced several times or men who have been married once for a long period and now find themselves "suddenly single" and they don't know how to deal with it.
I LOVED V's advice. As always, she's full of wisdom that we can all learn and grow from. I know it gets frustrating and disheartening to hear, but when the time is right, the right one will come along.
Attractive is all relative. I realize as men get older they all discover what they find attractive and it is different for everyone. Younger guys I think feel pressured to be attractive to the model type. Older men are a little more secure and experienced knowing that so many different things make a woman attractive. I believe you are an attractive woman.
I realize guys do need to be needed. So it's tough when you don't need them. Although, honestly, I am one of those girls who can't fix things myself, haha! I am not handy and I would love a handy man. I don't need him because I have money to buy one when needed, but I usually look for places where I need help and let them jump in there. Car advice? I need help! A man is great for that. So are many women, but I realize a guy loves to be asked that stuff. So I try.
I sure hope there is a lid for every pot, because I am going ot boil over!
For those of you who are following along, probably thinking I am nuts by now.......
I decided to do my google and facebook search on my massage guy. He was super easy to find because he is quite the massage therapist, written up in articles and all. he played it down. He was Barack and Michelle Obama's massage therapist through out the election (I had wondered how he gotten the picture with him on his profile) and he massaged a good portion of the NY Giants in 1994.
Then the craziest part. His FB newsfeed is public. All of his posts are pictures and videos of pugs and food and recipes. for those of you who follow my FB, well, pretty much the same thing.
Ok, that isn't the craziest part. he told me he hasn't dated anyone since his GF 2 years ago. He said he needed time alone and also decided to be celibate. So, no sex in 2 years.
I either found the lid to my pot, or the universe is messing with me again. I know, don't get ahead of myself, but it would be awesome if we hit it off. I am cautiously optimistic though as I sit here waiting to find something out awful. But so far, so good, and I can't wait to meet him. I could go hang out at the spa with him tomorrow night, but I am with child.
Keep your fingers crossed for me. I am prepared for yet another disappointment, but I am really hoping not.
Guys like gals are individual. I think attractiveness is not in pictures but in the way we smile and move. We tend to judge too much, evaluate based on physical attributes when it's personality that truly counts.
It's about sass and style, confidence and attitude, plus our interest and interaction with our dates. We accept our faults and those in others. We can be interested in our dates as people if not as partners, you are not for me but I like you anyway and I had a lovely coffee.
I sense you invest too much too soon. Dating can be fun, it can be a chore if you want that. Don't invest, just move on for any reason you like. Just date, hang out and after a while make out. Less stress on it. He is not life partner material but you had a lovely evening.
Gently does it and walk from the abusive types.
My thoughts
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I am curios, V, what makes you think I get "invested" easily? How do you define that? Because I don't feel invested. I feel disgusted at times the things some of these guys say to me, then I promptly block them. I had a date with a guy I met in a bar back in November,but we didn't feel that connection, so we moved on with kind words, no harm done. I like this current guy and I hope that we have a nice first date and it may lead to more. It's a hope, because if we don't have hope, we ain't got nothing. But noting I am invested in.
I agree personality truly counts. That's why I am sick of these guys judging me by the way I look, trying to pursue something that is ridiculous or simply non-compatible. Some of the most attractive people are ugly to me due to their personality.
We had an actual phone conversation last night. It was a good convo, and I was glad to put a voice to the text. We hope to have another one tonight. It's Monday and I can look forward to our Friday night baseball game.
Invested in that you are already imagining this guy as a perfect match. I know it's fun to get excited but also just remember you don't really know anything about him until you meet him in person.
Invested in that you are already imagining this guy as a perfect match. I know it's fun to get excited but also just remember you don't really know anything about him until you meet him in person.
NO, no, no...... it was a joke, I promise. If anyone has seen my FB newsfeed, it's all pugs and recipes. So is his. It was a joke my friend made about him being a perfect match.
I AM excited. I ma excited to go to a baseball game on a Friday night, with a guy! That in itself is enough for now.
Attractive is all relative. I realize as men get older they all discover what they find attractive and it is different for everyone. Younger guys I think feel pressured to be attractive to the model type. Older men are a little more secure and experienced knowing that so many different things make a woman attractive. I believe you are an attractive woman.
I totally agree that attractiveness is relative. I mean, we are all different, so different things are appealing to different people. I prefer a cowboy, country boy type because I am a country farm girl. Not that I don't appreciate a man in a nice, well-fitting suit, but I prefer the Wranglers, boots and ball cap or cowboy hat look because that is just what does it for me. I also agree, to a certain extent, that "older" men seem to be somewhat less preoccupied with the actual physical looks of a person. Maybe it is because they realize even the most conventionally beautiful looks fade with age or something. I don't know. But, I will say, it has not always been my experience that older guys are less critical of physical appearance. I have had plenty of "gentlemen" in my age range that talk a good game until they see my picture, then they ghost me. Now, trust me, I don't want those guys who are so shallow that great conversation can be outweighed in a matter of seconds by seeing one quick photo, but still, it goes to the point that MANY people judge based heavily on looks. And before anyone swings a 2x4, I know that I'm just as guilty of it as others. I have looked at profiles on POF and other dating sites and even if their profiles sounded mildly interesting, I have passed them over because of what they looked like. It's a vicious cycle and I don't necessarily think there is an answer. I think it is how people are wired.
Having said all that, though, I STILL stand firm with my lid for every pot theory. I just know that is true............;)
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
exH " I sent you an extra $12 by accident for aftercare"
me: "Thanks for the extra $12!"
Then he gave my text a thumbs down. I spend so far above and beyond anything he does for our child, you think an extra $12 would kill? Nope, he wants the money back.
I know, I shouldn't complain, he pays his measley child support.
it just gets under my skin that he would actually ask for the $12 back.
